MORE random stuff about your day

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
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Matt Wilson
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Matt Wilson » 16 Sep 2019, 21:53

Funniest thing happened to me over the weekend.

I'd had extreme flatulence for days, the kind which is both explosive and deadly. One or the other is bad enough, but when combined the effects are akin to being forced to listen to a 90-minute tape of Sting, Phil Collins, and Scott Walker at more-than-maximum volume for days. You're damn lucky to survive in other words. Further elaboration is pointless, you get the idea.

A friend and his always-nagging wife came up to spend the weekend with me, and after a bacchanalian-filled blowout which lasted for two days, I finally passed out on my stomach wearing only a T-shirt and nothing else (don't ask). The countless beers I had consumed, the Mexican food, frozen pizza, etc - had destroyed my stomach to the point where a relentless series of volcanic emissions had erupted from my ass for hours before my blackout. My house guests had probably wept with relief as I'd pooted my way into oblivion, no more to beguile them with Chris Walken impressions, endless songs sung like Bob Dylan (no matter what the song was, my Bob voice remained the same), loudly pontificating on the differences between men and women, Democrats and Republicans, Oasis and Blur... Only to realize that just because I was out, my ass was quite content to continue the party for all involved. The windows were all open, but it didn't help. The woman (we'll call her Trudy), decided she'd had enough, and preceded to walk to the freezer, take out a frozen hot dog, and (do you see where this is going?) place it in my rectum - in the hopes that this would be the proverbial finger-in-the-dyke maneuver to provide at least temporary peace.

Well, let's take stock of the situation for a sec. There I was, shit-faced, lying on the ground half naked with a weenie up my bum. Just another Saturday night at my place I hear some of you saying, only this time it was different. Apparently, my friend (We won't even give him a name. He knows I frequent this place and on the off chance he finds this thread...) had also drunk himself into a stupor and passed out on the couch, thereby denying him a further role in this squalid tale. Only the weenie woman remained. I can picture her strutting 'round my apartment, probably singing something by Kate Bush - which I had expressly forbid her to do in my presence - a smile on her face as she thought of telling her friends (some of whom I know) about this episode when she got home. When a strange, yet terrible thing happened.

The anal meat plug had done its job so well that not a whiff of gas had escaped my backside and the pressure must have been colossal, Brobdingnagian, even. Like a Champagne cork, the Kielbasa flew from my butt at hyper speed right as Trudy was standing above me, gloating over her apparent victory, doubtlessly cackling at your humble narrator's predicament. The projectile hit her right in the forehead, immediately dropping her like a sack of sand. When we awoke the next day, she was still in the same position she had fallen in before, like a Raggedy Ann dropped from a plane. A huge bruise covering the entire top of her face above the eyes all the way into the hairline.

Anyway, her speech is a bit different, and she's lost the ability to pronounce certain words, but otherwise right as rain. My friend isn't speaking to me, but I think that will pass. As an interesting coda to this little campfire story - I still haven't been able to find the wiener.

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Diamond Dog
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Diamond Dog » 16 Sep 2019, 22:02

No shit.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
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Jimbo
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Jimbo » 18 Sep 2019, 16:02

My wife needed a new iPhone and somehow bought a new iPhone X for 9,000 yen, that's less than $100. Of course it isn't the latest but almost, right? A legit electronics store. Too good to be true? Maybe 5G will kick in soon and make it obsolete - - make all our old shit obsolete. And give us all brain cancer to boot!
... an essential element of this story being impossible, we cannot take seriously the other elements that are before us ... Thierry Meyssan

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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Six String » 20 Sep 2019, 20:44

The NYTimes just did an article on the Eastern Sierra in the areas we are visiting in a few weeks at the beginning of our road trip of the Southwest U.S. Glad we have our hotel reservations secured. I hope these areas don't get inundated with people while we are there.

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Flower
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Flower » 26 Sep 2019, 12:55

The crazy six foot seven inch POS next door, accosted my husband on Sept 17th and told him that he was going to "Jeep" me, whatever that means. I've made all the necessary calls but there weren't any witnesses. This guy is very hostile and has taken a weed whacker and destroyed all my mint, clover and flowers on our back lawn, refusing to replace or pay for his damages. He's taken a toilet off another neighbor's lawn and swung it into my side garden while telling the neighbor on the other side and her tenant that "he can do whatever he wants because we have no friends" .. he's dropped planks onto our newly replanted back garden and more.

The piece of garbage that he lives with on 11/2/17 was pounding on his back sliders and when I wouldn't turn around to look at her, she opened the door and started screaming at me about a neighbor's ginger cat that was walking on her parking pad. We have a small black and a large white cat .. both my cats stay inside, partly because on the day that they moved in, she threatened to kill them because I told them "that is wasn't acceptable for them to unload their U-Haul on our front lawn/garden" and she immediately went off on me, cursing and telling me that she knew all about me. and would kill my cats. If this was true, she wouldn't be attacking me.

There have been multiple times when I was gardening and she was pounding on her back sliders .. I refuse to look at her. She's also stood over me while she was smoking a joint. I was planting and won't look at her which angered her. She is rude and hostile and I won't respond, but I document it all.
,
I ignore them and now the 6 foot 7 inch creep/monster is telling people that I terrorize children and point fingers at his housemate. So sick and strange.AND TOTALLY SOMETHING FROM HIS HEAD AND NOT TRUE.

It is also my fault that he built a monster deck without a permit and had to take it down and that it still won't pass inspection after two years. It might be in part that he tried to tell the city that our replanted back garden was his property as he's required to have so much "green space/soft earth" .. So tired of all this b/s. I'm sure that it's my fault when he can't get it up or has any issues.

It's scary that this creep is fixated on me but people are aware and keeping an eye out for my safety.

Just a much needed vent ... the guy on the other side of him told me that I needed to be more tolerant of the creep and started screaming at me. I'll never be tolerant of bullies or anyone who damages my property and walks away.

I seem to be both a creep and bully magnet. :x
If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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HEN
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby HEN » 26 Sep 2019, 13:01

can't you set 'foxhound' on him?
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Flower
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Flower » 26 Sep 2019, 13:01

A post script ... These a-holes also have security cameras and motion detectors on our property against our wishes. I don't know why they feel that they need to track our movements, give us unwanted attention and make me frightened to walk out my back door and/or work in my garden.

Sorry for being boring but I feel better venting.
If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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HEN
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby HEN » 26 Sep 2019, 13:03

Flower wrote:Sorry for being boring but I feel better venting.


go ahead. the quality of your posts on this thread are a step up from those you post on the word association thread :D
GoogaMooga wrote:Alright everybody, the latest thrift shop discovery is, in one word, WOW...!

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Flower
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Flower » 26 Sep 2019, 13:16

HEN wrote:can't you set 'foxhound' on him?


I don't know if he's had his rabies shot or not.

The creep or Zombie as one of the neighbors has named him . is 6 foot 7 inches and hoovers over neighbors, using his height to intimidate people. It's better to go through proper channels, even if it takes a long time.

Basically, I can't get over that anyone would suggest that I terrorize children. There is a day care down the block and when they take the kids for walks the kids all wave at me and tell me that "I'm their best friend" and we high five and fist bump, I'm friendly with the teachers and many of the parents as well as the kids themselves. ... I have a great relationship with all the kids in the neighborhood as well as at the day care where the creep's kid goes but I don't associate with the creep, his woman or kid because I don't want things twisted but I can't win or battle someone's issues.

At the end of the day, it's best that I be myself and live my life on my terms and trust the people will do the right thing. BUT it hurts me and torments me that anyone would could even think that I was terrorizing children or that a grown woman would imagine that I was pointing fingers at her, that my husband would be accosted and that I would be threatened because of nonsense in someone's scrambled eggs for brains mind.

Sorry more information than you needed.
If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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Flower
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Flower » 26 Sep 2019, 13:18

HEN wrote:
Flower wrote:Sorry for being boring but I feel better venting.


go ahead. the quality of your posts on this thread are a step up from those you post on the word association thread :D



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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HEN
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby HEN » 26 Sep 2019, 13:19

Flower wrote:
HEN wrote:can't you set 'foxhound' on him?


I don't know if he's had his rabies shot or not.

The creep or Zombie as one of the neighbors has named him . is 6 foot 7 inches and hoovers over neighbors, using his height to intimidate people. It's better to go through proper channels, even if it takes a long time.

Basically, I can't get over that anyone would suggest that I terrorize children. There is a day care down the block and when they take the kids for walks the kids all wave at me and tell me that "I'm their best friend" and we high five and fist bump, I'm friendly with the teachers and many of the parents as well as the kids themselves. ... I have a great relationship with all the kids in the neighborhood as well as at the day care where the creep's kid goes but I don't associate with the creep, his woman or kid because I don't want things twisted but I can't win or battle someone's issues.

At the end of the day, it's best that I be myself and live my life on my terms and trust the people will do the right thing. BUT it hurts me and torments me that anyone would could even think that I was terrorizing children or that a grown woman would imagine that I was pointing fingers at her, that my husband would be accosted and that I would be threatened because of nonsense in someone's scrambled eggs for brains mind.

Sorry more information than you needed.


sorry, i was being flippant. it must be a nightmare having bad neighbours. good luck with it all.
GoogaMooga wrote:Alright everybody, the latest thrift shop discovery is, in one word, WOW...!

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Jimbo
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Jimbo » 26 Sep 2019, 13:35

How come the cops aren't helping?
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HEN
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby HEN » 26 Sep 2019, 13:42

just out of interest, does foxhound have a leather jacket festooned with Nascar logos?
GoogaMooga wrote:Alright everybody, the latest thrift shop discovery is, in one word, WOW...!

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HEN
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby HEN » 26 Sep 2019, 13:49

Jimbo wrote:How come the cops aren't helping?


if foxhound/hepcat's behaviour on here is anything to go by, i would imagine that flower is on very thin ice.
GoogaMooga wrote:Alright everybody, the latest thrift shop discovery is, in one word, WOW...!

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Flower
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Flower » 26 Sep 2019, 14:01

Jimbo wrote:How come the cops aren't helping?


They won't get involved in "minor" issues and have to fight "real crimes such as people not using bike lanes. We've had the community police talk to another neighbor about what she was doing but it didn't change things. In this case, some of it is "he said, she said" .. it can't be proven that the creep told my husband that he would "jeep" me as there weren't any witnesses.

We have more neighbors watching out for us/me and there have been more cops driving by their house.

Unless the police have enough to pick this guy up and hold him, he's only going to target me more. Also, we have to be careful about what we call the police for and how often.

If property damage is less than five hundred dollars at a pop, you can fill a report online that goes into a black hole. It is scary and hurtful what they are doing and it is slander but at the end of the day, the loss of time and legal bills doesn't justify the end game. Slander is very difficult to prove.

Karma will kick in.
If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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Flower
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Flower » 30 Sep 2019, 11:11

I heard one of my cats screaming somewhere on one of the upper two levels (four level house) and I ran up to the master bedroom on the third floor but my male cat was calmly hanging out on the bed. The screams continued and as I descended and passed the second floor bathroom, the screams became louder .. our little female cat likes to jump on the toilet seat, which we keep down when not in use, and I was afraid that she lifted the lid and was caught in the toilet .. thankfully, I was wrong .. she walked into the shower stall and closed the glass door, blocking her exit.

We have the shower door that opens into the shower as not to drip water onto the floor, it's a large glass enclosed shower and the door is heavy. I released her and she was freaked out for most of the evening.
If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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Minnie the Minx
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Minnie the Minx » 30 Sep 2019, 15:17

This is a really interesting read:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newyor ... change/amp

Genuinely fascinating look into the creation and manufacture of the product and the ethical minefields along the way.
You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Six String » 03 Oct 2019, 06:31

tonight I cooked dinner for a friend who will be watching my house during my epic road trip of the southwest. Lamb stew Italian style w/fried polenta (browned in a pan, not deep fried) and a spinach salad with toasted walnuts, comice pear slices and a smoked blue cheese tossed in my own balsamIc vinaigrette. A 2015 Chignen-Bergeron from the Savoie for the apperitife and salad and a 2006 Domaine Tempier "La Tourtine" with the lamb. Mexican shortbread cookies from my sweetie which are chocolate with almond bits and a little cayenne for a bit of kick. It was only three people so cleanup wasn't too bad. The joy of sharing a meal and conversation was worth all the work.

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Flower
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Flower » 03 Oct 2019, 12:57

Someone attempted to hack into my FB account on the morning of August 19th. Facebook is impossible to contact directly but when I finally managed an email .. they disabled me. I don't know what is going on. I mainly use FB to look for my lost cat and to help others find their pets as well as finding out about restaurants and sharing information on services in the community. Fingers crossed that there is a human or two that will read my email and enable my account. I will not give them a copy of by driver's license or passport. Rant over.
If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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Minnie the Minx
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Minnie the Minx » 03 Oct 2019, 14:41

Crikey! How often does your cat get lost??
You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

Dr Markus wrote:
Someone in your line of work usually as their own man cave aka the shed we're they can potter around fixing stuff or something don't they?