Happy as you get older - and, if so, why?

[Diamond Dog]

A two part question :

1. Compared with 20 years ago, are you
a) happier or,
b) unhappier
than you were.

And
2) Do you primarily associate happiness with being
c) Excited, or
d) Peaceful.

So there are four possible answers....for instance
a + d = happier and you associate 'happier' with 'peaceful'.

Off you go!

[Sneelock]

a) happier

d) Peaceful.

a + d for me. I'm almost 60. I can still be a pill and I've got a lot of problems but peaceful is just easier than the other options at this point.

[clive gash]

As hapy as Surridge.

[Walk In My Shadow]

Number 2, please.


I was given my pension at 60 and for 3 reasons I'm happier than before.


a. I don't have to set the alarm for 6am anymore

b. there's music around the house all day

c. I enjoy the silence in my little garden

[toomanyhatz]

Happier. Because wife. Not sure which that counts as. I don't like my body breaking down, I hate all these aches and pains, but I'm no longer wondering what my future holds. I'm pretty sure I know where I'll live and with whom for, if not the rest of my life, at least the great majority of it.

[toomanyhatz]

I guess it's more peaceful than exciting, but it's both. It's my main source of peace, however. And I have many other sources of excitement.

[yomptepi]

In 1997 I was deep into raising my family. Robbi was 9, and Stan was 6. They weren't the easiest children. Rob was stubborn and bloody minded. Stan was still a pleasure to be with at that time. I think we got our fist computer in 97. the boys loved it ( it was an Amiga 1200 and had tons of games). Was I happy? Well i was working seven days a week trying to pay the mortgage and feed them. We didn't have any money at all, and we were driving around in a 1971 Austin 1100. It is all a bit hazy really. I think I was mainly tired.

Now I am grumpy and impatient. intolerant and short tempered. The boys are grown up, but still at home. That pisses me off. I don't work very often, which is cool, as i still get paid. I don't have a car any more, as I never drove it, so I stick to my van. Mortgage is paid and the bank is full , so I can't really complain. Am I happy? I think I am mainly grumpy. If i have learned anything it is that money does not bring you peace. The same fears that dogged me then, dog me now.

So about the same I guess.
Not Unhappy. Not Excited. Not peaceful.

[Rayge]

I was already old twenty years ago, so I am comparing with thirty. Since then I've been married twice, divorced once, widowed once, retired completely from work, and moved from London to points west.
I voted happier and more peaceful, because that's closest to the way I feel, but there's more to it than that. Unfortunately, I am in the middle of cooking us tea, so I'll come back, maybe...

[Matt Wilson]

Definitely unhappy. Things have gone downhill for me since 2013 when my dad died. Then in 14 my marriage crashed. It ended in 15. Last year I was in a relationship which ended this year, and John Coan STILL doesn't like me. It can only get better, right?

[Jimbo]

Definitely happier and more peaceful. The looming shadow of old age decrepitude is nearer of course but I have a secret stockpile of sleeping pills to deal with that. Isn't dying in your sleep supposed to be the good way to go? So that's sorted. My one child is on his own making his own money. It looks like my wife will stick with my bullshit till the end. I am getting a small pension and working part time teaching adults who actually want to speak English. (Can you say inside job? Yes, that's right. Like Pearl Harbor.) And there is this wonderful box with all sorts of entertainment, some of it filthier and more, um, interactive than anything I'd ever laid my hands on. Shit, I am managing to live into THE FUTURE!

[Darkness_Fish]

I'd say less happy, though I might be looking back with tinted glasses, and a bit of a sense of befuddlement. To be honest, I'm not sure whether I was working or if I was still doing my HND back then (after having failed uni), but I think I might have just about started my first job. I'd been seeing the girl who was lucky enough to become my wife, for almost a year at that point, and we'd have been on our first holiday by now (Torquay, since you ask), and life seemed to be on the up. The only source of conflict was my brother's weird & obnoxious girlfriend, who was to to hang around for years to come. I seemed to have a wide circle of friends, and most weekends were spent sleeping over at someone else's house in a random location around the country. I don't recall money ever being an issue.

Now, I dunno. I should be happy enough. Wife, child, steady but dull job, no real money worries. But I feel like I spend most of my life just getting by from one day to the next. Some days are really good, just like at the weekend, going out for a walk in the country with the family, one of the proper joys in life. But weekdays are a bit of a sleepwalk.

[harvey k-tel]

I have a lot of muscular and get to listen to it.

What does it say?

"K, you big stud, you, give me a kiss!"

or stuff like, "welcome to the GUN SHOW, baby!"?

[sloopjohnc]

Definitely unhappy. Things have gone downhill for me since 2013 when my dad died. Then in 14 my marriage crashed. It ended in 15. Last year I was in a relationship which ended this year, and John Coan STILL doesn't like me. It can only get better, right?

Yeah, unhappier. 24 years married gone, then my dad died. Taking care of someone with Alzheimer's can make you appreciate someone dying though and I've sworn off relationships for the time being. Maybe it's timing - but I've felt like a practice run for women who want to get into a real relationship down the line.

And I never cared if John Coan liked me. It would be nice if it happened, but then it would be nice if I won the lottery. I'd rather win the lottery.

[Matt Wilson]

Definitely unhappy. Things have gone downhill for me since 2013 when my dad died. Then in 14 my marriage crashed. It ended in 15. Last year I was in a relationship which ended this year, and John Coan STILL doesn't like me. It can only get better, right?

Yeah, unhappier. 24 years married gone, then my dad died. Taking care of someone with Alzheimer's can make you appreciate someone dying though and I've sworn off relationships for the time being. Maybe it's timing - but I've felt like a practice run for women who want to get into a real relationship down the line.

And I never cared if John Coan liked me. It would be nice if it happened, but then it would be nice if I won the lottery. I'd rather win the lottery.

I dunno, Coan's rejection was the icing on the cake. My father passing and my marriage ending was one thing - I could've handled those, you know? Just kind of road bumps on the highway of life. But I always lived with the hope that Coan would embrace me, if not someday physically, then at least in a symbolic manner.

[Belle Lettre]

a+d. We were having a pretty stressful time twenty years ago for one reason and another, mainly related to work uncertainty and having to move countries.
There are different stresses now but I am happier. I so wanted to say happy = excited, and it has done on occasion, but now I am tired and want peace.

[BARON CORNY DOG]

I am happier. I was 23 then and had a lot of friends and a lot of fun. But almost everything is better now. Apart from not being 23.
I don't associate happiness with peacefulness or excitement, really.

[Diamond Dog]

Happier because I'm in a better relationship. But it's also because our eldest was a year old, I'd just considered becoming a manager, the mortgage was a struggle etc etc - there was a great deal of stress around at that time.

Then I would have associated happiness with excitement. Now, it's being peaceful.

[clive gash]

Well, there it is.

[Insouciant Western People]

I was pretty happy go lucky in 1997, in fact in retrospect it was one of the best years of my life.

I was 23/24, living in Newcastle, didn't have much money but I had a job I loved working in a branch of Waterstone's (still probably my favourite job I've ever had in terms of the sheer happiness and enjoyment it gave me), and had some good friends and a decent social circle of funny, clever and interesting people.

In the early part of the year I managed to extricate myself from an unhappy relationship, and my newfound freedom was wonderful. I went out all the time, smoked and drank beer, still had thick dark hair on my head, saw a lot of gigs, took a couple of good holidays, and had a huge amount of fun.


That said, I ticked happier and peaceful now, because I am, and it is. I'm married to the person that I was put on earth to be with, we have a nice home and don't really want for anything, financially or otherwise. Cat and I laugh a lot, we do a lot of fun and interesting stuff, and I think we enjoy life. I'm solvent, I have a job that I enjoy and that I believe I'm quite good at, and when I walk out the door at 5pm, I forget about it until the next time I'm in the office.

I'm more comfortable with myself than I've ever been in my life, and I think I know how to leave things alone and not fret about them far more than I used to. I have two great kids, one of whom is now an adult, and I'm very proud of them both. Generally, day-to-day small stuff crap aside, I'm very content. And lucky.

[KeithPratt]

Same age as Nick. 23 then and 43 now.

Life was definitely more exciting then as I was travelling a lot to relatively exotic places. Yet, as I reviewed my travel diaries from those days, I was still searching for something intangible that was just out of grasp. Perhaps it was just relationship-based in all honesty; by then I hadn't really had one that I really thought "this is what it's about". I was transitory - not only travelling but without having any roots outside of the parental home. I wasn't in any sort of worthwhile career to thinking about the future..

Now I'm 43 and yes, like others, it's a lot more peaceful. I live in a quiet village in a lovely town and apart from a few annoyances with traffic, I'm not getting riled like I used to. I don't work or at least commute, which has had a transformative effect on me in many respects. I don't seek out hedonic pleasures like I used to; I went to a festival a few weeks ago and had a good time, but during most of it I was thinking "hmm I'd really like to actually sit down somewhere and read my book". By the Sunday, I was actively missing my family and raring to go home. I'm not overly concerned about the future otherwise I think I'd probably have a meltdown. I had a brush with cancer just under two years ago which certainly made me think a lot more about my health, but at the same time it's in things like food and booze that some of life's most heartfelt and central pleasures are to obtained.