Bad songs Lou Reed could have passed off

[The Slider]

I see you driving 'round town
With the girl i love and i'm like,
Fuck you!
Oo, oo, ooo
I guess the change in my pocket
Wasn't enough i'm like,
Fuck you!
And fuck her too!
I said, if i was richer, i'd still be with ya
Ha, now ain't that some shit? (ain't that some shit?)
And although there's pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a...
Fuck you!
Oo, oo, ooo

Yeah i'm sorry, i can't afford a ferrari,
But that don't mean i can't get you there.
I guess he's an xbox and i'm more atari,
But the way you play your game ain't fair.

I picture the fool that falls in love with you
(oh shit she's a gold digger)
Well
(just thought you should know nigga)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend

(chorus)

Now i know, that i had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
'Cause being in love with you ass ain't cheap.

I picture the fool that falls in love with you
(oh shit she's a gold digger)
Well
(just thought you should know nigga)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
i really hate yo ass right now

(chorus)

Now baby, baby, baby, why d'you wanna wanna hurt me so bad?

(so bad, so bad, so bad)
I tried to tell my mamma but she told me
"this is one for your dad"
(your dad, your dad, your dad)
Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh!
Whhhy lady? Oh! I love you oh!
I still love you. Oooh

[Shagger Dave]

One foot on the brake and one on the gas, hey!
Well, there's too much traffic, I can't pass, no
So I tried my best illegal move
A big black and white come and crushed my groove again

Go on and write me up for one twenty five
Post my face, wanted dead or alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive fifty five
Oh no! Uh!

So I signed my name on number twenty four, hey!
Yeah the judge said, "Boy, just one more, uh!
I'm gonna throw your ass in the city joint"
Looked me in the eye, said, "You get my point?"
I said "Yeah! Oh yeah!"

Write me up for one twenty five
Post my face, wanted dead or alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive fifty five
Oh, yeah!

I can't drive fifty five
I can't drive fifty five
I can't drive fifty five
I can't drive fifty five
Uh!

When I drive that slow, you know it's hard to steer
And I can't get my car out of second gear
What used to take two hours now takes all day
Huh, it took me sixteen hours, get to L.A.

Go on and write me up for one twenty five
Post my face, wanted dead or alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive fifty five

No, no, no, I can't drive
(I can't drive fifty five)
I can't drive
(I can't drive fifty five)
I can't drive fifty five
(I can't drive fifty five)

[The Slider]

Three wheels on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
The Cherokees are chasing me
Arrows fly, right on by
But I’m singing a happy song

I’m singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
A mile up the road there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by

“George, they’re catching up to us!”
“Get back in the wagon woman!”

Two wheels on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
Them Cherokees are after me
Flaming spears, burn my ears
But I’m singing a happy song

I’m singing a higgity, haggity hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
Half a mile up the road there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by

“Duh, Paw? Are you sure this is the right road?”
“Will you hush up? You and your maps!”

One wheel on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
Them Cherokees after me
I’m all in flames, at the reins
But I’m singing a happy song

I’m singing a higgity, haggity hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
Right around that turn there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by

“George? Should I get the bag of beads and trinkets?”
“Woman, I know what I’m doing!”

No wheels on my wagon,
So I’m not rolling along
The Cherokees captured me
They look mad, things look bad
But I’m singing a happy song

“C’mon all you Cherokees sing along with me!”
Higgity, haggity hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die…

[Nolamike]

These are the eyes that can't see me
These are the hands that drop your trust
These are the boots that kick you around
This is the tongue that speaks on ths inside
These are the ears that ring with hate
This is the face that'll never change
This is the fist that grinds you down
This is the voice of silence no more

These are the legs in circles run
This is the beating you'll never know
These are the lips that taste no freedom
This is the feel that's not so safe
This is the face that you'll never change
This is the god that ain't so pure
This is the god that is not pure
This is the voice of silence no more

We the people
We the people
Are we the people?

Some kind of monster
Some kind of monster
This monster lives
This is the face that stones you cold
This is the moment that needs to breathe
These are the claws that scratch these wounds
This is the pain that never leaves
This is the tongue that whips you down
This is the burden of every man
These are the screams that pierce your skin
This is the voice of silence no more

This is the test of flesh and soul
This is the trap that smells so good
This is the flood that drains these eyes
These are the looks that chill to the bone
These are the fears that swing over head
These are the weights that hold you down
This is the end that will never end
This is the voice of silence no more

We the people
We the people
Are we the people?

Some kind of monster
This monster lives

This is the cloud that swallows trust
This is the black that uncolors us
This is the face that you hide from
This is the mask that comes undone

Ominous
I'm in us

[Nolamike]

Oh oh
Wee-ell-Now!

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to come

Relax don't do it
When you want to to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to suck to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Come-oh oh oh

But shoot it in the right direction
Make making it your intention-ooh yeah
Live those dreams
Scheme those schemes
Got to hit me
Hit me
Hit me with those laser beams

I'm coming
I'm coming-yeah

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come

Relax don't do it
When you want to suck to it
Relax don't do it (love)
When you want to come
When you want to come
When you want to come
Come-huh

Get it up
The scene of love
Oh feel it

Relax
Higher higher

Hey-
Pray

[Nolamike]

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

They were funky China men from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It's an ancient Chineese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand knew trip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they did it with expert timing

(repeat)..make sure you have expert timing
Kung-fu fighting, had to be fast as lightning

[Bungo the Mungo]

[clive gash]

I don't believe in an interventionist God..........

sniip! - ed.

[nathan]

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

[JQW]

Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody

I met a hula mistress somewhere in Waikiki
Well she was sellin' pineapple, playin' ukulele
And when I went to the girl, come on and teach me to sway
She laughed and whispered to me, yes come tonight to the bay

The lovely beach, in the sky the moon of Kauai
Around calypso sarong we'll all be singin' this song

Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody

Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody

And down on the shore they gather romance
She showed me much more, not only to dance...

Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody

Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody

The lovely beach, in the sky the moon of Kauai
Around calypso sarong we'll all be singin' this song

Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody

[Nolamike]

Go!

Im gonna wake you up early
Cause Im gonna take a ride with you
Were going down to the honda shop
Ill tell you what were gonna do
Put on a ragged sweatshirt
Ill take you anywhere you want me to

First gear (honda honda) it's alright (faster faster)
Second gear (little honda honda) I lean right (faster faster)
Third gear (honda honda) hang on tight (faster faster)
Faster it's alright

Its not a big motorcycle
Just a groovy little motorbike
Its more fun that a barrel of monkeys
That two wheel bike
Well ride on out of the town
To any place I know you like

First gear (honda honda) it's alright (faster faster)
Second gear (little honda honda) I lean right (faster faster)
Third gear (honda honda) hang on tight (faster faster)
Faster it's alright

It climbs the hills like a matchless
Cause my hondas built really light
When I go into the turns
Lean [tilt] with me and hang on tight
I better turn on the lights
So we can ride my honda tonight

First gear (honda honda) it's alright (faster faster)
Second gear (little honda honda) I lean right (faster faster)
Third gear (honda honda) hang on tight (faster faster)
Faster it's alright

First gear (honda honda) it's alright (faster faster)
Second gear (little honda honda) I lean right (faster faster)
Third gear (honda honda) hang on tight (faster faster)
Faster it's alright

EDIT: Note that I in know way think this is just a bad song... I could just see Lou doing it.

[Nolamike]

When this old world gets me down
And there's no love to be found
I close my eyes and soon I find
I'm in a playground in my mind
Where the children laugh and the children play
And we sing a song all day
"My name is Michael, I got a nickel
I got a nickel, shiny and new
I'm gonna buy me all kinds of candy
That's what I'm gonna do"
See the little children
Living in a world that I left behind
Happy little children
In the playround in my mind
Oh the wonders that I find
In the playground in my mind
In a world that used to be
Close your eyes and follow me
Where the children laugh and the children play
And we sing a song all day
"My girl is Cindy
When we get married, we're gonna have a baby or two
We're gonna let them visit their grandma
That's what we're gonna do"
"My name is Cindy
When we get married, were gonna have a baby or two
We're gonna let them vist their grandma
That's what we're gonna do"
See the little children
See how they're playing so happy
In the playround in my mind
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
La la la la la la la

[Geezee]

Uptown girl
She's been living in her uptown world
I bet she's never had a backstreet guy
I bet her momma never told her why

I'm gonna try for an uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man

That's what I am
And when she knows what
She wants from her time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind
She'll see I'm not so tough
Just because I'm in love with an uptown girl
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
She's getting tired of her high class toys
And all her presents from her uptown boys
She's got a choice

Uptown girl
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win
And when she's walking
She's looking so fine
And when she's talking
She'll say that she's mine
She'll say I'm not so tough
Just because I'm in love
With an uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can A
nd now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am
Uptown girl
She's my uptown girl
You know I'm in love With an uptown girl

[The Prof]

I've been sitting here all day thinking
Same old dream ten years away thinking
Now my days are gone, memories linger on
Thoughts of when I was boy
Penny farthings on the street riding
Motorcars were funny things, frightening
Bow and hoops and spinning tops
Penny Dreadfuls, lollipops
Comic cuts, all different things

Grandad, grandad you're lovely
That's what we all think of you
Grandad, grandad you're lovely
That's what we all think of you
Grandad grandad

Aeroplanes tied up with string flying
Telephones and talking things sighing
A radio and phonograph, Charlie Chaplin made us laugh
Silently falling about
Familiar things I keep around, near me
Memories of my younger days, clearly
Come into my mind
Everyday I find, thoughts of when I was boy

Grandad, grandad you're lovely
That's what we all think of you
Grandad, grandad you're lovely
That's what we all think of you

[Nolamike]

Hey, Once I was a funky singer playin' in a Rock and Roll Band
I never had no problems, yeah
Burnin' down one night stands
And everything around me, yeah
Got to stop to feelin' so low And I decided quickly (Yes I did)
To disco down and check out the show
Yeah, they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die
Oh ya, ya

I tried to understand this
I thought that they were out of their minds
How could I be so foolish (How could I)
To not see I was the one behind
So still I kept on fighting
Well, loosing every step of the way
I said, I must go back there (I got to go back)
And check to see if things still the same
Yeah they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die, ya
Till you die

(Gonna play that electified funky music, yeah)

(Hey, wait a minute)
Now first it wasn't easy
Changin' Rock and Roll and minds and things were getting shaky
I thought I'd have to leave it behind
But now its so much better (it's so much better)
I'm funking out in every way
But I'll never lose that feelin' (no I won't)
Of how I learned my lesson that day
When they were dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die
Oh' till you die

They shouted play that funky music
(Play that funky music)
Play that funky music
(You Gotta keep on playin' funky music)
Play that funky music
(Play that funky music)
Play that funky music
(Come and take you higher, ya)
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right, ya
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right

[Matt Wilson]

Spanish Johnny drove in from the underworld last night
With bruised arms and broken rhythm in a beat-up old Buick
But dressed just like dynamite
He tried sellin' his heart to the hard girls over on Easy Street
But they sighed "Johnny it falls apart so easy and you know hearts these days are cheap"
And the pimps swung their axes and said "Johnny you're a cheater."
Well the pimps swung their axes and said "Johnny you're a liar"
And from out of the shadows came a young girl's voice said: "Johnny don't cry"
Puerto Rican Jane, oh won't you tell me what's your name.
I want to drive you down to the other side of town where paradise ain't so crowded, there'll be action goin' down on Shanty Lane tonight
All them golden-heeled fairies in a real bitch fight
Pull .38s and kiss the girls good night


Oh good night, it's alright Jane
Now let them black boys in to light the soul flame
We may find it out on the street tonight baby
Or we may walk until the daylight maybe


Well like a cool Romeo he made his moves, oh she looked so fine
Like a late Juliet she knew he'd never be true but then she really didn't mind
Upstairs a band was playin', the singer was singin' something about goin' home
She whispered, "Spanish Johnny, you can leave me tonight but just don't leave me alone"


And Johnny cried "Puerto Rican Jane, word is down the cops have found the vein"
Oh them barefoot boys left their homes for the woods
Them little barefoot street boys they say homes ain't no good
They left the corners, threw away all their switchblade knives and kissed each other good-bye


Johnny was sittin' on the fire escape watchin' the kids playin' down the street
He called down "Hey little heroes, summer's long but I guess it ain't very sweet around here anymore"
Janey sleeps in sheets damp with sweat, Johnny sits up alone and watches her dream on, dream on
And the sister prays for lost souls, then breaks down in the chapel after everyone's gone


Jane moves over to share her pillow but opens her eyes to see Johnny up and putting his clothes on
She says "Those romantic young boys
All they ever want to do is fight"
Those romantic young boys
They're callin' through the window
"Hey Spanish Johnny, you want to make a little easy money tonight?"
And Johnny whispered:
Good night, it's all tight Jane
I'll meet you tomorrow night on Lover's Lane
We may find it out on the street tonight baby
Or we may walk until the daylight maybe

[Davey the Fat Boy]

FWIW - This is my favorite thread ever.

[Sneelock]

I think it's funny because it's true!

[Nolamike]

There is a flower within my heart,
Daisy, Daisy,
Planted one day by a glancing dart,
Planted by Daisy Bell.
Whether she loves me or loves me not
Sometimes it's hard to tell,
And yet I am longing to share the lot
Of beautiful Daisy Bell.
Chorus:

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do,
I'm half crazy all for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage,
But you'd look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two.
We will go tandem as man and wife,
Daisy, Daisy,
Ped'ling away down the road of life,
I and my Daisy Bell.
When the road's dark, we can both despise
P'licemen and lamps as well.
There are bright lights in the dazzling eyes
Of beautiful Daisy Bell.
(Chorus)

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do...
I will stand by you in weal or woe
Daisy, Daisy,
You'll be the bell which I'll ring, you know,
Sweet little Daisy Bell.
You'll take the lead on each trip we take.
Then if I don't do well
I will permit you to use the brake,
beautiful Daisy Bell
(Chorus)

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do...

[Davey the Fat Boy]

Bumped in honor of the man.