The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Backslapping time. Well done us. We are fantastic.
User avatar
Loki
The Goddess of Mischief
Posts: 15148
Joined: 18 Sep 2010, 06:34

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Loki » 15 Jun 2015, 22:28

WTH while I'm at it I'll post one of Ken and me on our last trip to Florida. This is my favorite one~


Image
Image

Look up here, I'm in heaven


whodathunkit wrote: Somewhere it's always 1972.

User avatar
never/ever
Posts: 21712
Joined: 27 Jun 2008, 14:21
Location: Journeying through a burning brain

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby never/ever » 15 Jun 2015, 22:36

Serious 'likes' there Steph. Good memories.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?."

George Carlin

User avatar
the masked man
Schadenfreude
Posts: 26628
Joined: 21 Jul 2003, 12:29
Location: Peterborough

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby the masked man » 15 Jun 2015, 22:46

Sorry, Loki, as I'm sorry you're suffering here. Best wishes, anyway. I'll take your advice seriously. I know one change I need to make.

User avatar
Loki
The Goddess of Mischief
Posts: 15148
Joined: 18 Sep 2010, 06:34

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Loki » 15 Jun 2015, 23:11

That's great, Andrew. :)
Image

Look up here, I'm in heaven


whodathunkit wrote: Somewhere it's always 1972.

User avatar
Belle Lettre
Éminence grise
Posts: 15055
Joined: 09 Oct 2008, 07:16
Location: Antiterra

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Belle Lettre » 15 Jun 2015, 23:16

Just read this, Loki - I don't know what to say. So sorry.
Nikki Gradual wrote:
Get a fucking grip you narcissistic cretins.

User avatar
Loki
The Goddess of Mischief
Posts: 15148
Joined: 18 Sep 2010, 06:34

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Loki » 15 Jun 2015, 23:20

Thanx, Carol. Sorry I never replied to your PM.
Image

Look up here, I'm in heaven


whodathunkit wrote: Somewhere it's always 1972.

User avatar
Belle Lettre
Éminence grise
Posts: 15055
Joined: 09 Oct 2008, 07:16
Location: Antiterra

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Belle Lettre » 15 Jun 2015, 23:45

Don't be silly x
Nikki Gradual wrote:
Get a fucking grip you narcissistic cretins.

User avatar
Minnie the Minx
funky thigh collector
Posts: 28843
Joined: 29 Dec 2006, 16:00
Location: In the naughty North and in the sexy South

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Minnie the Minx » 27 Jun 2015, 16:46

Good god Loki. I'm so sorry.
You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

Dr Markus wrote:
Someone in your line of work usually as their own man cave aka the shed we're they can potter around fixing stuff or something don't they?

Six String
Posts: 19952
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 20:22

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Six String » 05 Jul 2015, 23:33

Loki wrote:My husband died on February 15th.


Oh Steph, I just saw this. I know it's a bit late but I'm so sorry to hear your husband lost his heroic battle. I would feel lost if my wife was suddenly gone. I know it will take time but I hope things will get better for you soon.
:(

User avatar
Minnie the Minx
funky thigh collector
Posts: 28843
Joined: 29 Dec 2006, 16:00
Location: In the naughty North and in the sexy South

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Minnie the Minx » 15 Sep 2015, 17:04

How is everyone doing?
You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

Dr Markus wrote:
Someone in your line of work usually as their own man cave aka the shed we're they can potter around fixing stuff or something don't they?

User avatar
the masked man
Schadenfreude
Posts: 26628
Joined: 21 Jul 2003, 12:29
Location: Peterborough

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby the masked man » 15 Sep 2015, 20:57

I'm OK at the moment. I'm finding enough stuff to fill my days. Volunteering gives me a sense of purpose, and the fact that I'm now heavily involved in a charity allotment project (despite zero gardening experience) is amusing me no end. I stlll have anxious moments, but I'm coping pretty well currently.

User avatar
Charlie O.
Posts: 38218
Joined: 21 Jul 2003, 19:53
Location: In-A-Badda-La-Wadda, bay-beh

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Charlie O. » 15 Sep 2015, 21:03

I'm generally okay.
Image

User avatar
Minnie the Minx
funky thigh collector
Posts: 28843
Joined: 29 Dec 2006, 16:00
Location: In the naughty North and in the sexy South

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Minnie the Minx » 16 Sep 2015, 02:49

Good news, chaps!
You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

Dr Markus wrote:
Someone in your line of work usually as their own man cave aka the shed we're they can potter around fixing stuff or something don't they?

User avatar
German Dave
Utter Cad
Posts: 50268
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 21:22
Location: 16 Beasley Street

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby German Dave » 19 Sep 2015, 08:41

Not brilliant, but I plough on.
kewl klive wrote:A deluxe Sandinista! was pulled when only one outtake could be found.


User avatar
German Dave
Utter Cad
Posts: 50268
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 21:22
Location: 16 Beasley Street

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby German Dave » 19 Sep 2015, 08:48

Loki wrote:My husband died on February 15th.


Dear God, I've somehow missed this until now. I'm so sorry, Steph.
kewl klive wrote:A deluxe Sandinista! was pulled when only one outtake could be found.


User avatar
Nolamike
Posts: 13945
Joined: 05 Dec 2005, 21:31
Location: Heaven, Hell, or Houston
Contact:

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Nolamike » 22 Sep 2015, 04:29

German Dave wrote:
Loki wrote:My husband died on February 15th.


Dear God, I've somehow missed this until now. I'm so sorry, Steph.


I'm also only seeing this now as well. I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. I love the pictures you shared - the two of you were clearly in one another's souls, in the best ways possible.
Sir John Coan wrote:Nolamike is speaking nothing but sense here.


Loki wrote:Mike is Hookfinger's shill.

User avatar
Loki
The Goddess of Mischief
Posts: 15148
Joined: 18 Sep 2010, 06:34

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Loki » 11 Oct 2015, 05:51

Thanx very much, guys.


I'm in a better frame of mind this evening so I'll update. I don't like to write when I'm really down.


Well, I've been struggling.....my sleep pattern got worse and worse, and I was sleeping the days away. Couldn't get anything accomplished and the pressure was building I guess, and I had another emotional/physical breakdown, like back in July when I tried to move away but couldn't make it. My financial situation is pretty dire. My husband left a fair bit of debt (which I've been gradually clearing), and I can't pay my bills. The nausea came back, my heart rate shot up again (my hands were shaking and I was getting dizzy; eyesight affected - I was starting to think I had a brain tumor!), so back to the doctor after some nudging from my sisters. He increased my antidepressant for the second time since my husband's diagnosis, increased the heart rate med and is keeping tabs on me. I've been medically approved for Disability (I have a long cancer history, and brain damage), but I'm still jumping thru the financial hoops, so that's still in the works.


Mood-wise tho, things didn't get better. The doc did say it would take weeks for the optimum effect (not that I expect a miracle cure or anything), but.....in the past few weeks, my give-a-crap factor was still nosediving, to the point where I really didn't want to be here anymore. I was extremely bereft, but thankfully stopped short of the planning stage. I couldn't do that to my family. I'll check myself in somewhere before I let that happen.


It's not like I don't have anything to be depressed about, but I do try to count my blessings every day. I may not be able to pay my bills or get stuff done, but at least I have a roof over my head, which is more than some people have. I have a very loving family.* Very fortunate for that.


*Loving, but grieving as well, and as I'm a big cry-baby and a trigger for them, even they have avoided me a fair bit (I'm referring to my husband's kids who live here in Ottawa). I'm a loner and was quite content to be left to myself, but I so wish this culture knew how to deal with illness and death a whole lot better than they do. Canadians are so uncomfortable with it it seems, and if I wasn't a loner, I don't know how I would have dealt with that. Can't even imagine.


Other 'bad' things have been happening too. It's looking more and more like I will have to file bankruptcy on my brother's estate but we don't have the final numbers yet. And I finally woke up and realized DUH, if I can't pay my freaking bills, why am I hanging onto this car?! I was in major denial and not thinking straight at all. My husband spoiled me rotten, and I'm just so used to it and couldn't fathom my life without it (plus I LOVE cars, and was very sentimentally attached to it, and all it represented). So a couple of weeks ago I took it in for an oil change which was sorely needed, as I planned to keep it going thru the winter / drive it til it died becuz it's old and needs repairs I can't afford. When the guys got underneath, they found a bunch of problems, and delivered the bad news. I cried right there in the manager's arms (he's a buddy). I had already started coming closer to the realization that the car would have to go, and this was the death-knell. I asked my husband's sister if she would put it online for me, and the offers poured in immediately. We were incredulous - I was sure no one would want it. She had it SOLD sight-unseen (other than photos) in THREE HOURS. I thought I'd be lucky to unload it by spring. HA! I got a couple of months rent for it, which helps tremendously. At first I was in shock. A couple of people said to me 'It's just a car!' They didn't understand how huge this was for me. Cried for days until the day came for the transaction. I don't know where the strength came from, but I actually got thru it without a tear. My sister-in-law was surprised and proud. I was too! I would have bet money I would be a quivering mass on the sidewalk.


The day after that (this was late last week), my sis-in-law's half-sister tried to kill herself. Also last week, my attorney's Mother died (he's a relative by marriage). My sister in Florida has been having a bad MS exacerbation, and had a breakdown. Monday, the 5th would have been my husband's 65th birfday. We had a party for him. What a week.


But today, I was invited to the kids' place for Thanxgiving dinner, and tomorrow morning they're picking me up for an overnight at their cottage, which I've never done. I love my step-grandkids SO much, and I always feel better when I spend time with family, so I'm pretty excited, even if I do have to get up early, which I really hate! Anything for them.....jeez those kids are so smart, and sensitive - Jack is 6, and he was talking about Opa, and how he's here with us, even tho he's gone. Izzy is 8. She was asking me all kinds of questions (the most inquisitive kid you'd ever meet) about the gifts that Opa bought for me. There were many. She listened raptly as I answered. And she got me to thinking. When I got home, I wrote to my stepdaughter [who puts on a very brave face, but I'm told she's still struggling - she was VERY close to her Dad and is still quite traumatized. I told her husband privately today that he needs to push her into counselling] and told her that the best gift her Dad ever gave me was all of THEM. The kids.


I'm going to tell Izzy that tomorrow. :)




-30-
Image

Look up here, I'm in heaven


whodathunkit wrote: Somewhere it's always 1972.

User avatar
Charlie O.
Posts: 38218
Joined: 21 Jul 2003, 19:53
Location: In-A-Badda-La-Wadda, bay-beh

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Charlie O. » 11 Oct 2015, 06:14

Bless you, Steph. *(virtual hug*)
Image

User avatar
Loki
The Goddess of Mischief
Posts: 15148
Joined: 18 Sep 2010, 06:34

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby Loki » 11 Oct 2015, 06:17

*sniff*!
Image

Look up here, I'm in heaven


whodathunkit wrote: Somewhere it's always 1972.

User avatar
never/ever
Posts: 21712
Joined: 27 Jun 2008, 14:21
Location: Journeying through a burning brain

Re: The Thread About Depression (Serious)

Postby never/ever » 11 Oct 2015, 07:00

Oof Steph...what a weight you are carrying. I can imagine how big your stress levels must be, emotionally, financially and spiritually. Bless those kids for giving you some hope for the future. I got to say that I think you are amazing how you are coping here, even when you think you don't. Sending you a pillow of hugs across the oceans...

Have you got any help in regards to managing your financial situation Nd that of your brother's if it does come down to bankruptcy? Restructuring debt payments could help you giving you. Bit kf breathing space down the line.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?."

George Carlin