Pitch a rubbish tv idea

The Prof · Postby **The Prof** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:41

Plaice In The Sun

A fish is left on a hot beach. Stars Lesley Ash.

JQW · Postby **JQW** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:46

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?

Comedy set around the food kiosk of a lower divsion football club, starring Kathy Staff as Mrs. Murgatroyd, Jennifer Ecclestone as Sharon Smith and Carl Howman as Billy Bradshaw, the life-long suportter who never misses a reserves game. Much hilarity occurs after the management decide to put the prices of bottles of pop up to £1.70 each. Further laughs when there's not enough chips for the all important FA Cup replay with Premiership oppostion. Many japes when the council health inspectors threaten to condem the whole operation. And chuckles galore when a box of balti pies turns out to be beef & onion instead.

Sea Of Tunes · Postby **Sea Of Tunes** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:48

Your Fish Or Mine?

A daring new concept in crime fiction is presented to us in this sometimes chilling, sometimes heart-warming detective series. Lesbian superintendent Tilapia Fish (Kirsty Wark) is on a very hard and puzzling case, involving a serial killer who kills by slapping his victims repeatedly with deep-frozen mackerel. When doing field research in the King's Arms, where she is baffled by the intensity of a then ongoing jolly-up by a bunch of unattractive 40+ obsessive-compulsive music lovers, she is chatted up by the much younger and superbly attractive Trouty Fish (Lily Allen), who is somehow connected with the murder cases.
Eventually both women get tipsy and the body language tells us that it will be a steamy night in the house of one of them.
Sadly, the plotline then falls flat on its face. It all ends with sex, talk about intimate problems, and lots of yoghurt.

Bungo the Mungo · Postby **Bungo the Mungo** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:49

Child's Play

Freda Child tries to put on an animal play in a shoebox, with hilarious and disastrous results.

Johnny Fartpants · Postby **Johnny Fartpants** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:50

Only Fools In Horses

Late night game show where Lenny Bennett, Jim Bowen and Frank Bough bugger Shetland Ponies for no other reason other than it fits with the clever pun in the title of the show.

The Modernist · Postby **The Modernist** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:50

Whose Fish Is It Anyway?

Culinary detective Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall trawls through the fridges of celebrities offering the panel clues as to the mysterious celebrity based on their tastes in fish.
This week who would have a smoked kipper and pickled herrings in their fridge? Could it be Linford Christie, ex defence secretary George Robertson or singer Elkie Brookes. Tune in and see if you can guess.

Johnny Fartpants · Postby **Johnny Fartpants** » 27 Jul 2006, 13:56

Police! Camera! Fish!

Police CCTV footage of a haddock doing 103mph up the A38 in a Ford Capri.

Johnny Fartpants · Postby **Johnny Fartpants** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:11

Starsky and Fish

1970s detective Dave Starsky has been cryogenically frozen and brought back to life in 2006. Unfortunately his former partner Ken "Hutch" Hutchinson retired in 1984 after a bizarre incident with a vacuum cleaner, and has been replaced by Detective Sergeant Fish, a 25 pound Salmon from Loch Lomond. Maverick cop capers and a disturbing odour of unwashed testicles ensue.

Mychael · Postby **Mychael** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:17

Digsy's Diner
Every Sunday evening at around ten a daft guy (mid-fourties, balding, on the dole, in tracksuit and slippers) visits his local kebab stand to stock up on beer. Talks with the owner about the day's headlines and explains his hilarious conspiracy theories, while in the background a famous musician stares at his table and smokes.
Each show ends with the guy approaching the musician and asking him what he thinks, to which the musician regularly replies "Fuck off you cunt".
(The whole show is being recorded by the CCTV cameras, with resulting bad sound and picture quality.)

The Prof · Postby **The Prof** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:36

Meal or no Meal
Homeless and hungry people take turns in guessing what maize based light snack is in a box in front of them whilst Noel Edmonds masturbates furiously into a cup.

followed by

Richard & Judy in Space

Sea Of Tunes · Postby **Sea Of Tunes** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:40

Cruisin'

A daring new concept is introduced, as George Michael stars in this homo-erotic docudrama set in London's most attractive hot spots for gay men on the look-out. Some scenes staged in a park toilet might be disturbing for Jehovah's Witnesses, but on the whole Chief Sgt. John Fartpants Esq. has seen to it that nothing will be aired that might be experienced as shocking viewing material.
Fartpants comments: 'This educational series has something real to say, something human. Gay men are normal. They are part of our society, just as we ourselves are. As a thought experiment I always think: perhaps I am a closet homosexual myself, just don't know it yet. Might come out one day. See? And I love fish.'

Snowdog · Postby **Snowdog** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:46

The Prof wrote:Meal or no Meal
Homeless and hungry people take turns in guessing what maize based light snack is in a box in front of them whilst Noel Edmonds masturbates furiously into a cup.

followed by

Richard & Judy in Space

You made me forget what I came on here to write now... :lol:

Johnny Fartpants · Postby **Johnny Fartpants** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:47

Wogan On Wheels

Professional Irishman Terry Wogan is strapped to a skateboard and pushed down a steep hill. With hilarious consequences.

The Prof · Postby **The Prof** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:50

Eye I Eye

Jonathan Ross live at the London Eye links up with And & Dec from a similar structure in Japan for a series of nob gags.

Snowdog · Postby **Snowdog** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:56

Oh yeah...

Mad fer it

Mancunian night club owner & city supporter Dick Widthmark (John Thompson) is trying to leave his shady past behind him but trouble will never far away if his psychotic pet ferret has anything to do with it.

(Subtitled for chavs)

doctorlouie · Postby **doctorlouie** » 27 Jul 2006, 14:58

Fish Friar

Harry Fish (Lovejoy), re-invents his life in a street corner monastry/chip shop and investigates local criminality. Apparently there are no real police outside cities. Oh, you get the idea.

beheaded · Postby **beheaded** » 27 Jul 2006, 15:03

Sychronised BCB Album Appreciation

*Program suspended due to all talks & no actions*

JQW · Postby **JQW** » 27 Jul 2006, 15:09

DEAD EDWIN

Mr. Starr has a habit of continually dropping dead, with hilarious consequences, only to come back to life at the start of the next episode. Starring Bella Emburg, Lilly Allen, and that bloke who plays the congas.

Johnny Fartpants · Postby **Johnny Fartpants** » 27 Jul 2006, 15:16

Honey I Buggered The Kids

We spend a day with Michael Jackson.

Cellophane · Postby **Cellophane** » 27 Jul 2006, 15:16

JQW wrote:DEAD EDWIN

Mr. Starr has a habit of continually dropping dead, with hilarious consequences, only to come back to life at the start of the next episode. Starring Bella Emburg, Lilly Allen, and that bloke who plays the congas.

That's a cartoon called "South Park", I think.