Pitch a rubbish tv idea

Backslapping time. Well done us. We are fantastic.
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souphound
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Postby souphound » 28 Jul 2006, 20:28

The Symptoms

Join this sick family after father Gomer makes everyone sick by bringing home radioactive waste. Wife Muggie's green hair, or what's left of it is the cause of embarassment for children Barf and Sneeza who rely on their pet dog Satan's Brittle Yelper for diversion. Follow their trials and tribulations as they usually lead to hilarious results. The series has received glowing reviews.
Footy wrote:Last week, I discovered that the cordless drill I bought about 5 years ago is, in fact, a cordless screwdiver.

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 20:35

Sutekh wrote:Pogle's Wood

Pogle's Wood
Colin Pogle (Karl Howman) suffers from priapism. Guaranteed embarrassment & hilarity!
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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souphound
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Postby souphound » 28 Jul 2006, 20:58

The Headliners

Watch as Billybob Dylan, Sea of Tunes, Penk and a few other numpties fill your screen with hilarious if surreal headlines.
Footy wrote:Last week, I discovered that the cordless drill I bought about 5 years ago is, in fact, a cordless screwdiver.

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 21:25

Johnny Fartpants wrote:Blue Peter

Each week a different minor celebrity called Peter is painted blue by Rolf Harris. First up, Peter Stringfellow.

Blue Peter
Christopher Trace, John Noakes & Valerie Singleton make things out of empty Fairy Liquid bottles, wire coat hangers & bits of sticky-back plastic while cussing like drunken sailors. Similar to Celebrity Swearing but presented in a kid-friendly format.
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 22:26

Hogan's Heroes
Hulk Hogan enjoys some sandwiches.
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

Johnny Fartpants

Postby Johnny Fartpants » 28 Jul 2006, 22:42

Planet Of The Tapes

Ever wondered what happened to all those old cassette tapes that Virgin and HMV couldn't sell ? We send Bill Oddie to Sirius 12, a small planet just left of Uranus, to find out.

Johnny Fartpants

Postby Johnny Fartpants » 28 Jul 2006, 22:45

Return To Planet Of The Tapes

Bill Oddie returns to Sirius 12 to find that missing Roger Whittakers Greatest Hits cassette that he couldn't find last time. With hilarious consequences.

Johnny Fartpants

Postby Johnny Fartpants » 28 Jul 2006, 22:46

Beneath The Planet Of The Tapes

Bill Oddi .... oh, you get the fucking picture.

Arthur Crud

Postby Arthur Crud » 28 Jul 2006, 23:07

We've tried several times and will continue to try and pitch our game show 'Punishment'. A standup head to head knockout pun competition.

It works in a live setting beautifully. We don't think it's crap but those who hold the TV purse-strings do.........hang on........that's beenieman!

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 23:56

TV Times
A weekly magazine programme featuring the times of transvestite appearances in your area.
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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 23:59

Radio Times
A weekly magazine programme featuring the times of retarded Cuba Gooding Jr. appearances in your area.
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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PENK
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Postby PENK » 29 Jul 2006, 01:04

The Monk

An all-star cast heads this new BBC dramatisation of Matthew Lewis's tale tale of pride, temptation and lust, with the action transposed from the 18th-century Madrid of Lewis's novel to a troubled inner-city school in modern London. Benjamin Zephaniah is new headmaster Mr Ambrose, famed for achieving success through strict methods and his ascetic lifestyle. But Ambrose is destined for a fall as his pride leads him to act on his desire for student Matilda (Lily Allen), a young innocent who stands out for the crowd as the only girl at school who doesn't have either a child, an electronic tag or both. As Ambrose sinks further into depravity he becomes obsessed with the beautiful Antonia (Jordan and Peter André), and events take a turn for the worse.
Lewis's story is updated for a modern audience with hip pop culture references and an examination of more serious issues such as consumerism, Lily Allen and racism in the workplace. As Ambrose finds himself diagnosed with terminal cancer and makes a pact with the devil (David Tennant), the issue of religion in an increasingly secular society is brought to the fore and the plot grows racier and more thrilling as Ambrose resorts to struggles to cover his tracks in ever more extreme ways. A new dimension is given to the plot as screenwriter Andrew Davies introduces new story strands, with school governor Mr Lorenzo (Wayne Rooney) struggling to maintain his relationship with Antonia by experimenting with drugs while seeking to expose Mr Ambrose. In order to string out the plotline, Davies introduces a controversial gay love story involving Ambrose and Lorenzo and adds new character Doug Fish (Wayne Rooney), a bumbling policeman from a sleepy Yorkshire village who stumbles across the convoluted plot while holidaying in London and whose tailing of Ambrose provides a blackly comic edge to the tale. Fish also finds himself struggling with his own personal demons, as his enduring love for his dead wife (John Coan) conflicts with his love for a local woman (the Crazy Frog), and ironically he turns to Ambrose for help solving his problems, adding new layers of dramatic tension and comedy to this comedic drama perfect for the Sunday evening slot.
Compelling, exciting, tense and funny, this is unmissable must-see television at its most unmissable. Don't miss it!
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

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Postby Bungo the Mungo » 29 Jul 2006, 01:20

The Penk wrote:The Monk

An all-star cast heads this new BBC dramatisation of Matthew Lewis's tale tale of pride, temptation and lust, with the action transposed from the 18th-century Madrid of Lewis's novel to a troubled inner-city school in modern London. Benjamin Zephaniah is new headmaster Mr Ambrose, famed for achieving success through strict methods and his ascetic lifestyle. But Ambrose is destined for a fall as his pride leads him to act on his desire for student Matilda (Lily Allen), a young innocent who stands out for the crowd as the only girl at school who doesn't have either a child, an electronic tag or both. As Ambrose sinks further into depravity he becomes obsessed with the beautiful Antonia (Jordan and Peter André), and events take a turn for the worse.
Lewis's story is updated for a modern audience with hip pop culture references and an examination of more serious issues such as consumerism, Lily Allen and racism in the workplace. As Ambrose finds himself diagnosed with terminal cancer and makes a pact with the devil (David Tennant), the issue of religion in an increasingly secular society is brought to the fore and the plot grows racier and more thrilling as Ambrose resorts to struggles to cover his tracks in ever more extreme ways. A new dimension is given to the plot as screenwriter Andrew Davies introduces new story strands, with school governor Mr Lorenzo (Wayne Rooney) struggling to maintain his relationship with Antonia by experimenting with drugs while seeking to expose Mr Ambrose. In order to string out the plotline, Davies introduces a controversial gay love story involving Ambrose and Lorenzo and adds new character Doug Fish (Wayne Rooney), a bumbling policeman from a sleepy Yorkshire village who stumbles across the convoluted plot while holidaying in London and whose tailing of Ambrose provides a blackly comic edge to the tale. Fish also finds himself struggling with his own personal demons, as his enduring love for his dead wife (John Coan) conflicts with his love for a local woman (the Crazy Frog), and ironically he turns to Ambrose for help solving his problems, adding new layers of dramatic tension and comedy to this comedic drama perfect for the Sunday evening slot.
Compelling, exciting, tense and funny, this is unmissable must-see television at its most unmissable. Don't miss it!


Is that one funny, Ed? There are a few other threads I want to read tonight.

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PENK
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Postby PENK » 29 Jul 2006, 01:30

Sir John Coan wrote:
The Penk wrote:The Monk

An all-star cast heads this new BBC dramatisation of Matthew Lewis's tale tale of pride, temptation and lust, with the action transposed from the 18th-century Madrid of Lewis's novel to a troubled inner-city school in modern London. Benjamin Zephaniah is new headmaster Mr Ambrose, famed for achieving success through strict methods and his ascetic lifestyle. But Ambrose is destined for a fall as his pride leads him to act on his desire for student Matilda (Lily Allen), a young innocent who stands out for the crowd as the only girl at school who doesn't have either a child, an electronic tag or both. As Ambrose sinks further into depravity he becomes obsessed with the beautiful Antonia (Jordan and Peter André), and events take a turn for the worse.
Lewis's story is updated for a modern audience with hip pop culture references and an examination of more serious issues such as consumerism, Lily Allen and racism in the workplace. As Ambrose finds himself diagnosed with terminal cancer and makes a pact with the devil (David Tennant), the issue of religion in an increasingly secular society is brought to the fore and the plot grows racier and more thrilling as Ambrose resorts to struggles to cover his tracks in ever more extreme ways. A new dimension is given to the plot as screenwriter Andrew Davies introduces new story strands, with school governor Mr Lorenzo (Wayne Rooney) struggling to maintain his relationship with Antonia by experimenting with drugs while seeking to expose Mr Ambrose. In order to string out the plotline, Davies introduces a controversial gay love story involving Ambrose and Lorenzo and adds new character Doug Fish (Wayne Rooney), a bumbling policeman from a sleepy Yorkshire village who stumbles across the convoluted plot while holidaying in London and whose tailing of Ambrose provides a blackly comic edge to the tale. Fish also finds himself struggling with his own personal demons, as his enduring love for his dead wife (John Coan) conflicts with his love for a local woman (the Crazy Frog), and ironically he turns to Ambrose for help solving his problems, adding new layers of dramatic tension and comedy to this comedic drama perfect for the Sunday evening slot.
Compelling, exciting, tense and funny, this is unmissable must-see television at its most unmissable. Don't miss it!


Is that one funny, Ed? There are a few other threads I want to read tonight.


It's OK but it's no Pogle's Wood I guess.
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

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Postby PENK » 29 Jul 2006, 14:00

Supermarket Streep

Fly-on-the-wall documentary following heavily-accented Hollywood star Meryl Streep as she experiences blockbusting drama of another kind, running a supermarket in Beverley Hills. Streep faces all manner of problems as she attempts to keep her head above water, making for an exciting and insightful look at the common difficulties encountered by any Oscar-winning actress doubling as manager of a high-class supermarket catering to Hollywood stars.
In week one, Streep has to juggle several tasks, arguing with warehouse boss Val Kilmer over his failure to stock enough tofu whilst trying to find missing delivery man Vin Diesel of Vin Diesel's Diesel Vans. As if this were not enough, security guard Tom is unable to give work his full attention as he struggles with parenthood, meaning that the store now faces a shoplifting epidemic. When young scamp Haley is caught trying to steal a box of Weetos Streep has to decide on a suitable punishment.
Tense, dramatic and funny, Supermarket Streep is as spellbinding as any of Streep's Hollywood smashes with the added bonus that she speaks normally throughout.
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

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Postby PENK » 29 Jul 2006, 16:20

Doctor At Large

Mike Leigh directs this sensational feature-length dramatisation of the life of Dr Robert Winston, the controversial star of such documentary classics as 'Child Of Our Time,' a man famed for using information he got from watching The Magic Schoolbus to educate and astonish viewers everywhere.
We follow Winston from his boyhood in a sleepy Yorkshire village, where he gets into all kinds of scrapes and adventures before inspirational teacher Mr Donegan (Roland Orzabal) introduces him to the wonders of science. Coming as he does from a troubled background, the teenage Robert (David Tennant) struggles to keep himself on the straight and narrow but his passion for science overcomes his love for local girl Meg (Fern Britton) as he wins himself a place at a top university.
On entering university Robert (now played by James Nesbitt) is distracted by the decadent lifestyle of new friend Sebastian (Anthony Andrews) and finds himself sidetracked, torn between his fascination with Sebastian's family and the drug habit he has developed after being introduced to cannabis by a worldly professor (Freddie Flintoff). After narrowly escaping death Robert (now played by Theo Walcott) realises the error of his ways and vows to dedicate himself to science.
Robert's twenties, though, are a blur of debauchery and misery as his washed-up hero Fred Dibnah (Guy Goma) leads him astray. His love of science all but forgotten, it takes the love of a good woman (Jodie Marsh)and a narrow escape from death (Christopher Biggins) for Robert to learn the error of his ways and dedicate himself to becoming a world-famous science documentary presenter.
Packed with drama, sex, swearing, toffs, ostentatious stately homes, drugs, guns, exotic locations and rock and roll, this is a sizzling recreation of the extraordinary life of a real modern hero, and is perfect for the Sunday evening slot on BBC1.
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

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Postby PENK » 29 Jul 2006, 18:37

The Sewage Plant

Innovative new fly-on-the-wall documentary following the workers at a sewage plant in Darlington. With its fascinating insights into the world of sewage treatment and those who have dedicated their lives to this most singular job, this promises to be as popular with the public as past documentaries 'The Airport' and 'The Morgue.'
We follow plant boss Terry as he heads off for an important meeting with a man from the council who has some bad news about a blockage. As Terry worries that the plant will not be able to cope with the stress of the extra workload this might entail, the tension rises and viewers will be on the edge of their seats, biting their nails along with Terry as they hope that the blockage isn't as serious as the man made it sound on the phone.
At the other end of the ladder, work experience boy Ricky isn't too happy. While he's enjoying his work in filtration, he's annoyed that some of the other workers are playing jokes on him. "My mum shouted at me because someone filled my bag with used condoms," he explains, and Ricky's struggle for acceptance is a plotline that will resonate with anyone who's ever been in a similar situation.
Real people. Real drama. Only on the BBC.
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

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Postby PENK » 29 Jul 2006, 19:17

On the Bus

This imaginative new drama has an eyecatching twist - it's set entirely on a number 315 bus (Honley via Berry Brow). Follow the adventures of driver Craig (Keith Allen) as he and his regular passengers discuss their lives.
The highly innovative premise means that very little action takes place onscreen, but is instead related by the cast as the characters discuss the events which take place in between journeys.
This week, Barry (Billy Connolly) gets into hilarious scrapes as he has an eye test and Wendy (a piece of toast) thinks her husband Neil (the Colossus of Rhodes) is cheating on her. As the audience sees the characters interact, they have to imagine for themselves what the events they describe would have been like in this wildly original new style of drama.
Scripted by Alan Bennett.
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

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Postby PENK » 29 Jul 2006, 19:20

No one else is interested in this thread any more, then?
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

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Postby Cellophane » 29 Jul 2006, 19:44

Relocation Relocation Relocation

Poor families are forcibly removed from their homes time and again for your viewing pleasure.