Pitch a rubbish tv idea

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Johnny Fartpants

Postby Johnny Fartpants » 28 Jul 2006, 16:29

Supermarket Sheep

Dale Winton introduces this new game show, whereby a load of sheep are released into a branch of Sainsburys and have to find some hidden clues in the freezer department or something. With hilarious consequences.

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 17:48

Crackerjack
Crack addicts have only 20 minutes to carjack Leslie Crowther.
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 17:51

Chariots Of Fire
Loveable cockney rogues Harry Chariot (Arthur Mullard) & Doreen Chariot (Barbara Windsor) inherit the sleepy Yorkshire village of Fire with hilarious results.
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 17:55

Come Dancing
Contestants must ejaculate whilst performing a tango, samba or foxtrot. Or a waltz.
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

Bungo the Mungo

Postby Bungo the Mungo » 28 Jul 2006, 17:56

Don't Count Your Chickens!

Ian Lavender as Fred Don't, Jim Bowen as Alan Count, Jordan as Priscilla Your, and Ricky Gervais as Billy Chickens in this comedy set inside a fruit machine in 1952. With Barry Cryer as a pint.

Phil T

Postby Phil T » 28 Jul 2006, 17:58

Sea Of Tunes wrote:
Sutekh wrote:
Dr Gillian McKeith wrote:
Sutekh wrote:I Want To Look At Your Poo

Lifestyle show, a spin-off from You Are What You Eat, insane ginger celtic harpy, Dr Gillian McKeith, travels the world looking at examples of poo in other cultures. In the first program she travels to Ireland to examine the effects of a potato and Guiness diet on hapless members of the Irish public. Next week: Libya.

Coming at Christmas, straight after the Queen's Speech, a celebrity festive edition, Xmas Celebrity Poo, where Catherine Zeta Jones, Kofi Annan, Phil Collins, Alan Sugar, Keith Allen, Martin Jarvis and that irritating squeaky-voiced lass from Two Pints Of Lager... poke through
and discuss each others poo. Your MC for this special, will be, of course, the lovely Dr. McKeith...


Are you tryinyg to put a hard working Holistic dietician on the dole Nursey??

Where did you get the plans for ma new show???


:wink:

And I'm not a Nursey!


Right-o! He's known as 'The Rhythm Pisser' in the whole hospital.


That'll be 'Soul Rhythm Pisser', if you don't mind... :)

Phil T

Postby Phil T » 28 Jul 2006, 18:00

808 wrote:Top Gear
Jeremy Clarkson and Bez get loaded on high-grade narcotics and drive very fast cars on them


No change there then...

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Sea Of Tunes
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Postby Sea Of Tunes » 28 Jul 2006, 18:11

Sutekh wrote:
Sea Of Tunes wrote:
Sutekh wrote:
Dr Gillian McKeith wrote:
Sutekh wrote:I Want To Look At Your Poo

Lifestyle show, a spin-off from You Are What You Eat, insane ginger celtic harpy, Dr Gillian McKeith, travels the world looking at examples of poo in other cultures. In the first program she travels to Ireland to examine the effects of a potato and Guiness diet on hapless members of the Irish public. Next week: Libya.

Coming at Christmas, straight after the Queen's Speech, a celebrity festive edition, Xmas Celebrity Poo, where Catherine Zeta Jones, Kofi Annan, Phil Collins, Alan Sugar, Keith Allen, Martin Jarvis and that irritating squeaky-voiced lass from Two Pints Of Lager... poke through
and discuss each others poo. Your MC for this special, will be, of course, the lovely Dr. McKeith...


Are you tryinyg to put a hard working Holistic dietician on the dole Nursey??

Where did you get the plans for ma new show???


:wink:

And I'm not a Nursey!


Right-o! He's known as 'The Rhythm Pisser' in the whole hospital.


That'll be 'Soul Rhythm Pisser', if you don't mind... :)


:lol: :lol: :lol:
It is not down on any map. True places never are.

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Sea Of Tunes
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Postby Sea Of Tunes » 28 Jul 2006, 18:28

On The Puses

Experts Sutekh (Hugh Grant) and Minnie (Winona Ryder) show, aided with the newest super close-up camera techniques, how to pinch and squeeze out zits and other little facial skin inconveniences. Their motto: 'See That Yellow Fluid Flow!'.
It is not down on any map. True places never are.

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 18:48

Woody Allen
Allen Git (Karl Howman) suffers from priapism. Guaranteed embarrassment & hilarity!
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 18:52

Celebrity Swearing
Celebrities vie for the chance to be crowned 'Britain's Best Swearer'! How fucking cool is that?
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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Sea Of Tunes
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Postby Sea Of Tunes » 28 Jul 2006, 18:54

Vertigo

In this stunning new version of a movie classic, we get to see the famous record label logo spinning in mega-format at 33 rpm for a full 90 minutes. It is a psychedelic experience you'll never ever forget!
It is not down on any map. True places never are.

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 28 Jul 2006, 19:08

Sea of Tunes
Loveable cockney rogues Harry Sea (Arthur Mullard) relocates to the sleepy Dutch village of Tunes with hilarious results.
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

Phil T

Postby Phil T » 28 Jul 2006, 19:13

Why are the villages always sleepy?

I'll you why: it's because them don't get to bed early enough, that's why. And they have to get up at the crack of dawn to milk they cows, don' they, moi lover?

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Sea Of Tunes
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Postby Sea Of Tunes » 28 Jul 2006, 19:22

Billybob Dylan

A historic docudrama that tells us the story of Nobel Prize nominee Bob Dylan's father, Festus 'Billybob' Dylan. Festus inherits a wonky old upright saloon piano and teaches himself some rudimentary chords. He then relocates to the sleepy village of Durango, where Bob is born. Billybob's experimentation, during which he converts the old keyboard into an electric one, leaves a traumatic mark in Bob's brain.
The rest, as they say, is history.
It is not down on any map. True places never are.

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PENK
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Postby PENK » 28 Jul 2006, 19:27

What Did the Wu-Tang Clan Do For Us?

Trendily out-of-date historian Adam Hart-Davis presents this factual but entertaining series looking at the civilisation and lifestyles of the Wu-Tang Clan. Inhabiting Staten Island, in present day New York, in the 1990s, the Wu-Tang Clan were well-developed but savage and were responsible for many of the things we take for granted in modern society.
Using a mixture of documentary presentation and dramatic reconstruction, the programme not only looks at the innovations that made the Wu such a vital force for change but also presents scenes from a typical day in the life of the average MC (as members of the Clan were known). We follow Inspectah Deck as he heads out in the morning to buy the cheeba the Wu-Tang prized so highly. Although it's not known what exactly "cheeba" was, Hart-Davis postulates that it was a kind of nutritious food, which would provide the MC with all the fuel he needed for the day, allowing him to spend the rest of his time munching crisps and Revels. The violent lifestyle of the Wu is seen as Inspectah Deck hangs out looking menacing in a primitive shopping mall, before heading to a recording studio to lay down some rhymes in a dialect that is more or less incomprehensible to all but the most educated modern ears.
With Hart-Davis's engaging presentation style and evident enthusiasm for his subject, this show promises to be another huge hit in the mould of his previous adventures, What Did the Romans Do For Us and What Did the Police Academy Series Do For Us?
Copehead wrote:I have met Gruff Rhys - although he claimed he wasn't and that he couldn't speak Welsh, as I spoke to him in Welsh, but it was him lying bastard.

The Modernist

Postby The Modernist » 28 Jul 2006, 19:29

The Penk wrote:What Did the Wu-Tang Clan Do For Us?

Trendily out-of-date historian Adam Hart-Davis presents this factual but entertaining series looking at the civilisation and lifestyles of the Wu-Tang Clan. Inhabiting Staten Island, in present day New York, in the 1990s, the Wu-Tang Clan were well-developed but savage and were responsible for many of the things we take for granted in modern society.
Using a mixture of documentary presentation and dramatic reconstruction, the programme not only looks at the innovations that made the Wu such a vital force for change but also presents scenes from a typical day in the life of the average MC (as members of the Clan were known). We follow Inspectah Deck as he heads out in the morning to buy the cheeba the Wu-Tang prized so highly. Although it's not known what exactly "cheeba" was, Hart-Davis postulates that it was a kind of nutritious food, which would provide the MC with all the fuel he needed for the day, allowing him to spend the rest of his time munching crisps and Revels. The violent lifestyle of the Wu is seen as Inspectah Deck hangs out looking menacing in a primitive shopping mall, before heading to a recording studio to lay down some rhymes in a dialect that is more or less incomprehensible to all but the most educated modern ears.
With Hart-Davis's engaging presentation style and evident enthusiasm for his subject, this show promises to be another huge hit in the mould of his previous adventures, What Did the Romans Do For Us and What Did the Police Academy Series Do For Us?

Excellent :)

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Postby Sea Of Tunes » 28 Jul 2006, 19:46

Coan The Albanian

To some it's the greatest story ever told. To others it's a pile of shit. We think it's a diamond in the rough.
A humble carpenter's son, John Coan, sees fishing as his occupational vocation. To him it's not only the work that brings food to the common man, but also the 'catching of souls', a way to create a new spirituality in a soul-free wilderness. Coan succeeds in surrounding himself with a group of twelve disciples, and in his spare time he regularly does a good party trick. For instance, at the Canaan jolly-up, he does his beloved 'water-into-wine' routine, and all the fat middle-aged blokes present are at a loss for words (but not for thirst, mind).
It's his sad fate that he lives in the kingdom of Albania, not the most cheerful place on this mortal coil. The evil King Zog, an atheist if there ever was one, is after our hero. However, Coan is something of an escape artist, the Harry Houdini of his time. So he stays alive and kicking, and even survives an assault by the rebel Enver Hoxha.
One day, after he's provided an enormous amount of fish and bread for the masses, he is visited by someone named Mel Gibson. Gibson proposes to plan a pictorial representation of the life and works of Coan. And then, slyly and surreptitiously, Gibson asks if a certain Judas Iscariot is still in Coan's troupe. Coan shakes his head and says: 'No. This absolute no-hoper was fired long ago'. Inexplicably, Gibson gets weary and sad, and says goodbye.
Coan lives happily ever after, inherits a nice house in Czechia, and goes to live in the then sleepy town of Prague. With hilarious consequences.
It's Oscar material, we think.
Last edited by Sea Of Tunes on 28 Jul 2006, 19:48, edited 1 time in total.
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Phil T

Postby Phil T » 28 Jul 2006, 19:48

Pogle's Wood: The Next Generation

Bagpuss: The Untold Story

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb: The Chippendale Years.

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Clippernolan
Maya's Prop
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Postby Clippernolan » 28 Jul 2006, 20:16

Watch This Space

A phone-in program where viewers are encouraged to make sure that the parking spaces reserved for celebrities remain unattended. Phone-in viewers are rewarded for calling in when parking spaces are invaded by parking interlopers, litterbugs, and rodents. Hosted by Ian Space, a watch will be given away to random phone-in viewers each week with a season finale when a final random phone-in viewer will be launched into space.
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