Pitch a rubbish tv idea

Backslapping time. Well done us. We are fantastic.
The Modernist

Pitch a rubbish tv idea

Postby The Modernist » 27 Jul 2006, 08:55

Hatch starring Colin Firth.

Douglas Hatch is a store detective for a popular retail branch (to be modelled on Littlewoods). He is a charismatic man whose maverick approach to his work brings him into regular conflicts with floor manager Marjory Williams (Gillian Taylforth). The dark, smouldering side of his nature will be represented by an interest in backgamman.

Episode one: Hatch discovers 2 packs of pillow slips are missing from the bed and linen department. He faces a crisis of conscience when suspicions fall on kindly nun Sister Matthews, a woman for whom Hatch once mowed her lawn as a bobajobbing scout. Will he be able to keep his secret safe from Marjory Williams? Can he avert the hysterical panic of the local parishioners?
To be continued...
Last edited by The Modernist on 27 Jul 2006, 10:02, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Toby
Arsehole all Erect
Posts: 22000
Joined: 28 Jul 2003, 23:13
Contact:

Postby Toby » 27 Jul 2006, 08:57

Finished for the term have we?

User avatar
Errant Panda
Posts: 7883
Joined: 24 Jul 2003, 12:07
Contact:

Postby Errant Panda » 27 Jul 2006, 09:03

Monkey tennis?
As I am right 98% of the time I see no point in quibbling over 3%

The Modernist

Postby The Modernist » 27 Jul 2006, 09:05

"It's My Goldfish"

A popular quiz aimed at a family audience. Contestants will face a panel of goldfish lovers and will have to ask them a series of questions about their beloved pets. However there will be a catch! One of the goldfish lovers will simply be an actor lying!
Will they be able to correctly identify the rogue goldfish "lover" before the clock times out? If they do, they can win a luxurious weekend break in a Scottish village of their choice.

This will be a quiz of tension and fear, and will also serve as an important educational tool for the young 'uns as they find out about the unique personalities and lifestyle of the goldfish.

Jumper k

Postby Jumper k » 27 Jul 2006, 09:05

Inner city sumo?

User avatar
Sea Of Tunes
down the drain
Posts: 19092
Joined: 17 Jul 2003, 17:44
Location: 5 Star Member - It's Official
Contact:

Postby Sea Of Tunes » 27 Jul 2006, 09:11

Er, Big Slasher Brother. Everything is permitted. In the house, normal legislation is not valid. There is a nice room with all kinds of tools and appliances, like saws, drills, you name it. And a strong water hose to clean up eventual human residue.
Could this be a success?
It is not down on any map. True places never are.

User avatar
Cellophane
Posts: 136
Joined: 26 Jul 2006, 11:24

Postby Cellophane » 27 Jul 2006, 09:11

"Big Brother HIV-positive"

User avatar
The Prof
Composing a revolutionary symphony
Posts: 44904
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 18:32
Location: A Metropolis of Discontent

Postby The Prof » 27 Jul 2006, 09:14

Mojo All Hours

A group of social misfits from the internet are forced to live with each other for a month without the use of a computer whilst being filmed 24/7. A team of experts from the music world including Cheryl Baker, Chris Moyles and Jeremy Paxman comment of their every move and review their jolly-up CDs.

User avatar
rorebhoy
Posts: 1516
Joined: 17 Nov 2003, 12:03

Postby rorebhoy » 27 Jul 2006, 09:14

arm wrestling with Chas & Dave

Jurrasic park!

The Modernist

Postby The Modernist » 27 Jul 2006, 09:29

Spambuster

Computer expert Jarek Kanichev will sit in front of the computer all day attempting to track down the culprits of unpleasant spam e-mail. This will be a gripping 18 hour live feed, only stopping for when Kanichev needs sleep or a wank.

User avatar
Sea Of Tunes
down the drain
Posts: 19092
Joined: 17 Jul 2003, 17:44
Location: 5 Star Member - It's Official
Contact:

Postby Sea Of Tunes » 27 Jul 2006, 09:36

The Unique Modernist! wrote:Spambuster

Computer expert Jarek Kanichev will sit in front of the computer all day attempting to track down the culprits of unpleasant spam e-mail. This will be a gripping 18 hour live feed, only stopping for when Kanichev needs sleep or a wank.


Brilliant! The perfect viewing for dope-smoking airheads. Of which there are many.
It is not down on any map. True places never are.

The Modernist

Postby The Modernist » 27 Jul 2006, 09:41

Bitches Brew

A new, exciting reality tv show in which six hopefuls will be thrown in the deep end as they attempt to make cups of tea for a rigorous set of judges posing as customers. They will be helped by expert Alan Titchmarsh as they endeavour to get the tricky balance of achieving that tea flavour.
The winner will achieve the dream job of working in the kitchens of Ye Olde Tea Shoppe in Reigate.
Viewers can interact with this game by choosing special ingredients such as soil or leather which the contestants will have to incorporate into their tea recipes.
Last edited by The Modernist on 27 Jul 2006, 22:10, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Snowdog
Real Doyen
Posts: 14491
Joined: 18 Jul 2003, 09:36
Location: Sitting at the back, looking cool but feeling all alone.
Contact:

Postby Snowdog » 27 Jul 2006, 09:46

Annual Service!

Two teams go head to head to carry out a full service on their cars against the clock.
"Elements of the past & future, combining to make something not quite as good as either."

Johnny Fartpants

Postby Johnny Fartpants » 27 Jul 2006, 09:55

Real Celebrity Deathmatch

A live action version of the MTV clay-mation series, where real celebrities fight to the death in a boxing ring, utilising whatever tools they can get their hands on.

First up: Damon Albarn v Mike Tyson

User avatar
Snowdog
Real Doyen
Posts: 14491
Joined: 18 Jul 2003, 09:36
Location: Sitting at the back, looking cool but feeling all alone.
Contact:

Postby Snowdog » 27 Jul 2006, 09:58

Johnny Fartpants wrote:Real Celebrity Deathmatch

A live action version of the MTV clay-mation series, where real celebrities fight to the death in a boxing ring, utilising whatever tools they can get their hands on.

First up: Damon Albarn v Mike Tyson


You're useless. That's not a rubbish idea, it's a great idea.
"Elements of the past & future, combining to make something not quite as good as either."

User avatar
funky_nomad
paranoid
Posts: 11626
Joined: 14 Aug 2003, 11:31
Location: Doomsville

Postby funky_nomad » 27 Jul 2006, 10:01

The O.D.

Pete Doherty goes back to school - in California! Pretty soon he's involved he's showing up late to classes and introducing cheerleaders to the joys of mainlining.

How long can cheeky Pete last before all that sun and healthy living kill shim? Tune in next week...
Just a penitent man

User avatar
Snowdog
Real Doyen
Posts: 14491
Joined: 18 Jul 2003, 09:36
Location: Sitting at the back, looking cool but feeling all alone.
Contact:

Postby Snowdog » 27 Jul 2006, 10:03

funky_nomad wrote:The O.D.

Pete Doherty goes back to school - in California! Pretty soon he's involved he's showing up late to classes and introducing cheerleaders to the joys of mainlining.

How long can cheeky Pete last before all that sun and healthy living kill shim? Tune in next week...


Another good one. You guys are crap at this.
"Elements of the past & future, combining to make something not quite as good as either."

Bungo the Mungo

Postby Bungo the Mungo » 27 Jul 2006, 10:06

'Add Egg!' - hosted by Rik Mayall.

Contestants are given an egg, and a taxi fare. They have to go somewhere in the taxi and add the egg to something. For example, they go to a hospital and put it in the doctor's coffee. Or they leave it next to a statue.

User avatar
The Prof
Composing a revolutionary symphony
Posts: 44904
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 18:32
Location: A Metropolis of Discontent

Postby The Prof » 27 Jul 2006, 10:07

Bin-man Bingo!

Two teams of refuse collectors battle against each other and the clock to empty and replace 100 dustbins without spilling any debris. Along the way they answer general knowledge questions and draw balls from a cauldron carried by a naked dwarf

User avatar
The Dríver
Hippy Replacement
Posts: 12637
Joined: 17 Jul 2003, 08:13

Postby The Dríver » 27 Jul 2006, 10:23

Wife Swap 2
Fly on the wall documentary that takes two families and allows the husband, in consultation with the kids, to choose something fantastic that they'd all like (say, a small hovercraft or their own private helicopter) and they get that in return for the wife. After two weeks they get to choose whether or not to give it back.
He's a simpleton. 200 years ago they wouldn't have let him milk a cow.