Backslapping time. Well done us. We are fantastic.
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AKA Number 16 Bus Shelter
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Postby brotherlouie » 09 May 2006, 21:04

In the "Admit Your Ignorance" thread:

Johnny Fartpants wrote:
ALB wrote:I can iron, but it takes me about a week to do a shirt. You do one bit, then another bit gets creased. So you iron that bit, and something else gets creased.

Have you tried just ironing your tits and drawing a collar and tie on with magic marker ?

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The Write Profile
2017 BCB Cup Champ
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Postby The Write Profile » 10 May 2006, 02:33

How long is it until a Hoffmanite takes the bait?

Muskrat wrote:
angshu wrote:I'm still rooting heavily for the guy (who is clearly not Penk) to post. He always has the most enriching insights into the listening process and any golden moments therein and it uplifts me always to come across whatever he has to share.

He did!

notpenkhonest wrote:I was married for nearly twenty years, to a wonderful woman whom I'd known since childhood. She understood and tolerated my obsession with collecting music, and it was never a problem for her, although her own knowledge of the subject was severely limited and she preferred to spend her evenings watching the news or going out with friends while I lurked in my study, poring over sleevenotes, browsing catalogues of amp wires and varnishing my speaker stacks.

She was happy to let me spend thousands on rare Sigue Sigue Sputnik 45s, and for me to spend as much time lovingly caressing my vinyl as her.

But it couldn't last. One evening around four years ago, I returned home from a weekend spent browsing the record racks in the city with a carbootfull of new treasures, unable to contain my excitement at the prospect of placing them on the turntable and indulging myself in the way I best love. But as I entered the door, I found her waiting for me with a sad look on her face and I was stunned to hear her announce that seeing as I'd been away, having dedicated the weekend to my hobby, she wanted me to go to bed with her.

I didn't know what to say. Could she not tell that I'd been waiting for this moment all weekend? Could she not tell that all the time I'd been away from her, I'd been positively desperate to get back home so I could see those unbearably enticing knobs, that gorgeous front and the beautifully interconnected wires at the back? I'd spent far too long away from my record player and who was she to stand in my way now I finally had the chance to return to it?

This, I told her, was it. She could either acknowledge that there were more important things in life than mere family, or she could leave and never think of trying to separate me from my love ever again.

She left. I don't regret it. I have everything I need right here, and with the money I've saved now I don't have to feed her, I've managed to buy three new sets of speaker stands, two spare needles and some novelty foam to decorate the volume switch. I never realised just how wonderful single life could be.


It's before my time but I've been told, he never came back from Karangahape Road.

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Jeff K
The Original K
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Postby Jeff K » 11 May 2006, 01:05

From the Albums You Have Masturbated To thread...

JQW wrote:
Davey The Fat Boy wrote:

It looks like someone already has.
the science eel experiment wrote:Jesus Christ can't save BCB, i believe i can.

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 11 May 2006, 03:15

Well, it made me laugh:

The Prof wrote:
neverknows wrote:What with the name and avatar change, it took me a while to realise who Mick Turate was (though he's obviously a top fella.)

A mistake surely - It's billybob dylan :?

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Postby Todd » 11 May 2006, 22:48

Fuck false modesty, I think this is hilarious.

In a thread titled Well, whoop-de-doo Mr Livingstone I wrote:

"Jesus loves you more than you will know, whoa, whoa, whoa"

Aries March 21 - April 19
The corpse of 16th-century astronomer Nicolaus Corpenicus will rise from the grave this week to explain, once and for all, that the universe does not revolve around you, you self-centered prick.

The Modernist

Postby The Modernist » 11 May 2006, 23:23

Todd wrote:Fuck false modesty, I think this is hilarious.

In a thread titled Well, whoop-de-doo Mr Livingstone I wrote:

"Jesus loves you more than you will know, whoa, whoa, whoa"

Bad form old boy.

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Alpine Numpty
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Postby Neige » 12 May 2006, 08:02

This had me in stitches...

On a (possibly fake) newbie's "Hello" thread, brotherlouie wrote:... post elsewhere.

little frank black wrote: for fuck's sake, bryan, we're trying to be nice here and you have to say that. :x

brotherlouie wrote: I did mean elsewhere on the board. I wasn't aware that other boards existed. Apart from Penk's Hoffman side project.
Thumpety-thump beats plinkety-plonk every time. - Rayge

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 12 May 2006, 20:12

The Prof wrote:Image

McCartney: Nothing. A rude word. Next question.
Joe Garagiola: No, no, what was the rude word?
McCartney: Shit.
Joe Garagiola: Was it really? Good heavens, you frighten me to death.
McCartney: Oh alright, Siegfried...
Joe Garagiola: (Turning to those standing behind the band) What about you girls behind?
Ed McMahon: He's like yer dad, inni, this geezer?
Joe Garagiola: Are you, er...
Ed McMahon: Or your granddad.
Joe Garagiola: (To Tellulah Bankhead) Are you worried, or are you just enjoying yourself?
Tellulah Bankhead: Enjoying myself.
Joe Garagiola: Are you?
Tellulah Bankhead: Yeah.
Joe Garagiola: Ah, that's what I thought you were doing.
Tellulah Bankhead: I always wanted to meet you.
Joe Garagiola: Did you really?
Tellulah Bankhead: Yeah.
Joe Garagiola: We'll meet afterwards, shall we?
Lennon: You dirty sod. You dirty old man!
Joe Garagiola: Well keep going, chief, keep going. Go on, you've got another five seconds. Say something outrageous.
Lennon: You dirty bastard!
Joe Garagiola: Go on, again.
Lennon: You dirty fucker!
Joe Garagiola: What a clever boy!
Lennon: What a fucking rotter.

Arthur Crud

Postby Arthur Crud » 14 May 2006, 06:17

griff on fire in the BCB's most decorated thread....

little frank black wrote:
Rorschach wrote:4 A levels - all grade A

*visualises bacon sandwiches falling to ground all over world*

...got me started and then...

little frank black wrote:
Ali wrote:Is it hard to smoke and do maths at the same time?

*lights camel light*

how many times do i have to explain this to the two of you? :roll:

sealed it. Top work.

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Postby & » 15 May 2006, 04:15

On the 'Carlsson sells out because he's got an avatar now' discussion...

Bob wrote:
Jeff K wrote:I'm just afraid he's going to start liking music made after 1976.

I'm afraid he's going to start liking music that was actually made.
"You're a rude and ignorant individual and I hope you get no sleep tonight." - Sir John Coan

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Postby & » 15 May 2006, 04:17

And Velvis has plans...

Velvis wrote:I'm thinking of giving up my afternoon and evening drinking in favor of morning drinking. You know, that pleasant buzz you feel as you lurch into work in the morning, caroming off the office walls. The cheerful variety of working a new job every week. The wild, weaving drives to work. The laughter as you absent-mindedly drop bits of snack food into the incision of patients undergoing surgery. The satisfaction of screaming "Fuck you!" at the judge.
"You're a rude and ignorant individual and I hope you get no sleep tonight." - Sir John Coan

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Nikki Gradual
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Postby Nikki Gradual » 15 May 2006, 06:54

Arthur Crud wrote:griff on fire...

If only
"He's thrown a kettle over a pub; what have you done?"

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Scally Mcgrew
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Postby Scally Mcgrew » 15 May 2006, 16:43

On the 'Ruud Toon' thread:

JQW wrote:I'm sure I saw Ruud wearing the black & white stripes, yesterday:

Know what really makes me mad? They clean me with a Brillo pad...

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Heilan Coo
The Communist Charles Hawtrey
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Postby Heilan Coo » 15 May 2006, 17:57

From the "Which, if any, poster would you employ?" thread:

JQW wrote:Bhoywonder - head of the despatch department

Yeah yeah, I know it's a bit pot/kettle/black with me posting this to the Treasury, but it did make me laugh.
savoirfaire wrote:They are extremely cuddly, to the point where I think I was literally molested by a few of them. I completely understand how the farmer-goat relationships must happen.


Postby K » 15 May 2006, 19:36

Pure fuckin' genius:

On the Which God would you employ thread...

Billybob Dylan wrote:
Penk wrote:It's got to be Vishnu hasn't it, it'd be like getting two workers for the price of one.

Velvis wrote:Rama - A good organizer. Just make sure his wife is safe and hire the monkey along with him.

No! Hire Rama, and you get Lama and Ding Dong thrown in for free.

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Diamond Dog
"Self Quoter" Extraordinaire.
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Postby Diamond Dog » 16 May 2006, 07:05

As long as you know what a humidor is......and the smoking habits of Bhoywonder.....

Jumper K wrote:
bhoywonder wrote:The pair of you, any time you like, out of shape old farts.

Says the walking humidor.

Español castillo mágico.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
This is where they walked, swam, Hunted, danced and sang, Take a picture here,Take a souvenir

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The Magnificent
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Postby bhoywonder » 16 May 2006, 16:17

2 entries on the one ppage. And both for the wrong reasons. :cry:

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Billybob Dylan
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Postby Billybob Dylan » 16 May 2006, 18:10

From the Bomb In The Mersey thread:

Sutekh wrote:Image

"A wha'? A bomb? Sound! Dat'll do dere den for shiftin' me blocked lavvy."
"I've been reduced to thruppence!"

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Postby Snarfyguy » 16 May 2006, 19:32

Billybob Dylan wrote:
bhoywonder wrote:Not being a physicist, this won't be a very precise answer. But it is pretty cool.

There's a pretty well respected theory among physicists that the other side of the universe (ie, if you take the big bang theory as acceptable then we're talking about the bits that what we know and name as the universe hasn't reached yet) is made up of what they refer to as 'fields'. When questioned a few years ago as to what these fields were made up of, or how many of these fields existed. They answered that they weren't sure, but it was almost certain they were made up of matter and that there had to be "a minimum of 38". Which was too close to 42 for my liking!

It's a fascinating area, but it doesn't half make your brain hurt.

I remember when this part of the universe was all fields.
GoogaMooga wrote: The further away from home you go, the greater the risk of getting stuck there.