Barry White fans needed for BBC tribute documentary

Backslapping time. Well done us. We are fantastic.
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German Dave
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Postby German Dave » 12 Sep 2003, 23:40

snarfyguy wrote:
Some people will say anything to get on television.



it's a fair cop, but society's to blame.
kewl klive wrote:A deluxe Sandinista! was pulled when only one outtake could be found.


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Ivana Padham-Purtleigh
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Postby Ivana Padham-Purtleigh » 12 Sep 2003, 23:47

Hi Lianne

Mwah Mwah. Lawks, it's ages since I've seen you. Henley 2001 I think, when you rogered that St John's Ambulanceman in the queue for the ice-cream van. How jolly to have been to school with another poster. I may have to write some of our adventures on the "Schooldays" thread.
It's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you're going to make love with tonight

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 23:48

griff wrote:it's a fair cop


We were doing this documentary in a police station and they pulled in this disgusting old drunkard,

Jesus, he must have been 55 or 60.

Anyway when the camera boys went I let him touch me all over in his cell, God it was sooooo perverted.

Just me and him. He stunk of beer, piss and cigs, but I still let him shoot his load all over my face.

God I hate myself, no I don’t, yes I do.

I’ll bitch for anyone, fuck me harder, I’m a whore.

Oh God. Sorry

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 23:53

Ivana Padham-Purtleigh wrote:Henley 2001 I think, when you rogered that St John's Ambulanceman in the queue for the ice-cream van.


He wrapped me up in bandages and stuck a stethoscope up my arse. Thank Christ no one was watching.

And those Bulldog clips? I was sore for WEEKS.

I’m such a dirty, filthy, lowdown whore.

Piss on me.

I love it.

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 23:54

Sorry

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Ivana Padham-Purtleigh
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Postby Ivana Padham-Purtleigh » 12 Sep 2003, 23:59

Lianne darling, Teddy Farquarharson and I were the only ones who noticed. And he was looking down my cleavage most of the time so I suspect he didn't even notice you. I'm surprised he didn't look at you. You were always so popular with the boys, even at school. Even the janitor, who always shouted at everyone, never seemed to shout at you.
It's that man you fought with this morning

the same one you're going to make love with tonight

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 13 Sep 2003, 00:05

Ivana Padham-Purtleigh wrote:Even the janitor,


God. He was 70 with a leg missing. But I couldn't help myself.

Hog-tied in the school cloak-room.


Sick, perverted yet somehow natural.



JESUS MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON



Actually



No fucking don't - I love it.

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 13 Sep 2003, 00:12

snarfyguy wrote:Some people will say anything to get on television.


God, we were doing this Jeans commercial once in this Romanian orphanage.

Anyway this Eastern European bloke, must have been 30-40 good looking for his age, starts chatting me up.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I fucked him in this rusty cot.

God it was so perverted.

Thinking back - I hate myself. Actually, no I don’t. I fucking loved it.

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Father Christmas
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Postby Father Christmas » 13 Sep 2003, 00:13

LianneITV wrote:
Ivana Padham-Purtleigh wrote:Even the janitor,


God. He was 70 with a leg missing. But I couldn't help myself.

Hog-tied in the school cloak-room.


Sick, perverted yet somehow natural.



JESUS MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON



Actually



No fucking don't - I love it.


I wish I had a sex life like yours. As it is, I only come once a year and then it's down the chimney.
Ho! Ho! Ho! Get me a fuckin' ho!

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Ivana Padham-Purtleigh
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Postby Ivana Padham-Purtleigh » 13 Sep 2003, 00:15

I wonder what GemmaBBC thinks of this thread. She'll come back to the board on Monday morning, see there are more than 50 replies and think she's got her programme in the bag. Actually, the more I think about it the more I get the feeling she's that old school chum of ours - Gemma Berkeley-Carr'd. The one who used to drop awful "silent but deadlies."
It's that man you fought with this morning

the same one you're going to make love with tonight

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 13 Sep 2003, 00:23

Ivana Padham-Purtleigh wrote:I wonder what GemmaBBC thinks of this thread.


Myself and Frank Bough had to do this 5 minute thing for a local news programme about asphyxiation.

was only 19 at the time. He put me in his wheely bin, naked and fucking horny.

God I hate myself. It was disgusting. Actually, it was great.

Oh God. Sorry.

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Spandau Billy
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Postby Spandau Billy » 13 Sep 2003, 00:53

This thread is amazingly funny. It needs to be saved for posterity on the Classic Thraeds bit.
Meanwhile, I'm still listening to Marvin, all night long.

marios

Postby marios » 13 Sep 2003, 00:54

Hey Lianne, how you doin'?

Life's a lot simpler when girls are as easy as you...

what do you say we have a quickie, while no one's looking?

Meet you in the photocopy room in 10 mins...and bring your test results with you, if you don't mind.

Better safe than sorry.

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 13 Sep 2003, 01:04

repeater wrote:Meet you in the photocopy room in 10 mins.


We had to do this 15 minute piece for East Anglia TV on dustbin men.

They are filthy smelly bastards, but I had 3 of them in the back of a dustbin van after the interview.

God it was awful - household litter, office waste, you name it - it was disgusting, just me and 3 fat bastards, but I loved it.

Call me a whore, call me anything you want,. Piss on me again.

I fucking love it.

Oh Christ did I say that?

Sorry.

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The Devil
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Postby The Devil » 13 Sep 2003, 08:54

Oi see theres qouite a lot o' youse that loike paarties.

I likes paarties as well. We got that Oscar chap coming round on Sundee. Would youse loike to come an' all? Moi wife is makin' barm cakes, and there'll be a noice pot o' tea for yous all.

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 13 Sep 2003, 14:28

Ivana Padham-Purtleigh wrote:I wonder what GemmaBBC thinks of this thread. She'll come back to the board on Monday morning, see there are more than 50 replies and think she's got her programme in the bag.


Bollocks to her, she’s an old bitch

It reminds me of the time I had lesbian sex with this Granny in an old people’s home.

God, it was depraved.

We were both naked, rolling about on the floor, and could have gone on all afternoon, if it hadn’t been for the meals-on-wheels lady walking in on us.

I felt so humiliated and dirty -

-actually I didn’t, I fucking loved it.

I’ll whore for anyone. I can’t stop it.

Oops sorry, I’ve done it again

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 14 Sep 2003, 22:50

Christ, my arse is sore right now.

I've spent all afternoon rimming with 4 fishermen from Grimsby. Writhing about in a barrel of almost dead fish.

Should have been doing a documetary on the decline of the cod industry but I though 'fuck it' I'll have these bastards, and I'll have them now.

God it was so perverted.

Sorry

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BrendaChannel5
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Postby BrendaChannel5 » 15 Sep 2003, 03:00

As part of Channel 5's recent initiative of trying to justify screening substandard soft porn most nights of the week, we are currently in production of a one-off series about nymphomania in journalism, to be screened in the autumn.

Do you know someone who has masturbated over the word 'breasts" while writing a story about about the English cricket team for one of the daily broadsheet newspapers? Maybe your wife has flicked her bean while conducting a Newsnight satellite interview with Robin Cook? Or maybe you, yourself have begged to be taken up the arse with a salami sausage while presenting a live episode of 'Watchdog' ? If so, we want to hear about it. Please ring us on our usual number and don't worry about the cost - we'll call you straight back!

Thanks, Brenda
Last edited by BrendaChannel5 on 15 Sep 2003, 03:05, edited 2 times in total.

marios

Postby marios » 15 Sep 2003, 03:04

I'm surprised Channel 4 hasn't shown any interest in this yet.

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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 17 Sep 2003, 10:43

BrendaChannel5 wrote:Or maybe you, yourself have begged to be taken up the arse with a salami sausage while presenting a live episode of 'Watchdog' ?



As part of ITV's new commitment to family values, we will be starting a new reality TV programme in the run up to Christmas.

'Porn Idol' will feature 10 members of the ordinary public like you, locked in a house with only fruit and Vaseline.

Do you have what it takes? We are looking for volunteers.

Men and Women aged between 18 - 55. Disease free.

Applications from the usual address

The winner gets a 3 movie porn film contract and I get to frig myself off 24/7

Can't fucking wait

- Oh God yessssss


Opps did I say that out loud? Sorry