Barry White fans needed for BBC tribute documentary

Backslapping time. Well done us. We are fantastic.
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LianneITV
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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 22:09

Oh my God that's brilliant.

Fuck you GemmaBBC!!

We got the scoop. We got the scoop!!

Hey Mr Midnight. - Can I send a crew round you house?

Will you say that into camera? Will you? Will you?

We can always shoot you in shadow and get an actor to speak the words.

In fact if you are really ugly we'll just show a picture of the back of your head.

What do you say?

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The Midnight Special
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Postby The Midnight Special » 12 Sep 2003, 22:12

I'd be only too pleased. I'll get the back of my head coiffured first thing tomorrow morning.
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Postby Mrs Elsie Special » 12 Sep 2003, 22:21

The Midnight Special wrote:I'd be only too pleased. I'll get the back of my head coiffured first thing tomorrow morning.


Oh no you don't my lad. I told you that in strictest confidence. You're not too big for a spanked botty. Now get to bed.

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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 22:21

That's brilliant, and very kind of you.

Tell you what, we're also doing a programme on plate tectonics, and earthquakes.

You wouldn't happen to have any stories of this kind of stuff would you. I know Oxford doesn't lie on a natural fault line, but you could always lie.

I can't offer you much in the way of money, but I'll get on all fours and let you take me from behind in the Green Room. Oh God - what have I just said???

Christ I'm such a dirty bitch. I can't help it. Sorry

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Postby Snarfyguy » 12 Sep 2003, 22:25

LianneITV wrote:That's brilliant, and very kind of you.

Tell you what, we're also doing a programme on plate tectonics, and earthquakes.

You wouldn't happen to have any stories of this kind of stuff would you. I know Oxford doesn't lie on a natural fault line, but you could always lie.

I can't offer you much in the way of money, but I'll get on all fours and let you take me from behind in the Green Room. Oh God - what have I just said???

Christ I'm such a dirty bitch. I can't help it. Sorry


(raises hand)

Ooh! Ooh! I'm right on a fault line! There could be an earthquake at any time! When should I expect you?
Jimbo wrote:Look, all I know is pretty much what I get from Robert Parry over at Consortium News.

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Postby German Dave » 12 Sep 2003, 22:31

River Man wrote:
GemmaBBC wrote:I was directed to you by someone on the Mojo site who thought that someone on this forum might be able to help.

I didn't realise it was a private site, sorry.


Well you have come to the right place if you want stories about music but I can't recall reading a post from a Barry White fan here.


hey, i'm a barry white fan. i felt his death more than i've felt most pop deaths (if i'm truthful, as much as i love and admire johnny cash, barry white is closer to my heart).

i've said it before and i'll say it again, "let the music play" is one of the most incredibly bittersweet records i have ever heard. for that alone (and he has done many other magical songs besides) he is head and shoulders above 99% of popular music acts.

i rest my case.
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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 22:32

snarfyguy wrote:
(raises hand)
Ooh! Ooh! I'm right on a fault line! There could be an earthquake at any time! When should I expect you?


Really, excellent, We're also doing a programme on the translation of the modern Bible.

I couldn't combine two interviews could I?

You just have to pretend you remember it, or you are a friend of Henry VIII or something.

Americans will believe that won't they

You haven't got a mate have you? I love sucking off 2 blokes at the same time. Oh Christ I've done it again. I'm so filthy I can't help it. Sorry

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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 22:38

griff wrote:i rest my case.


That's great, but do you know anything about the York Mystery Plays?

We have an up coming programme.

Piece to camera Mr Griff?

Again we have spent our expensed tab for the whole year, but I do like a bit of anal.
I've done it again haven't I? Sorry.

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Postby Rob From Halfords » 12 Sep 2003, 22:38

LianneITV wrote:You haven't got a mate have you? I love sucking off 2 blokes at the same time. Oh Christ I've done it again. I'm so filthy I can't help it. Sorry


  Halfords Carpet Mat Set, Blue



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* Black/Grey mats with blue trim

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That's disgusting, that is. Your sort are fucking sick.
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Postby The Midnight Special » 12 Sep 2003, 22:40

LianneITV wrote:That's brilliant, and very kind of you.

Tell you what, we're also doing a programme on plate tectonics, and earthquakes.

You wouldn't happen to have any stories of this kind of stuff would you. I know Oxford doesn't lie on a natural fault line, but you could always lie.

I can't offer you much in the way of money, but I'll get on all fours and let you take me from behind in the Green Room. Oh God - what have I just said???

Christ I'm such a dirty bitch. I can't help it. Sorry


Now you're talking my language love. I have actually got something for you in the way of earthquakes. There's a bloke who's world famous in Oxford called Mickey and he's a transvestite and a nutter. He goes round the city centre asking for cigarettes and money etc. Well, everyone always gives him what he asks for because he's built like a brick shit house and he threatens to stove your head in if you don't comply. Anyway, some people resent this and see it as some form of aggressive begging. As if. Anyway, one time, this Turkish bloke , Samir, wasn't having any of it and was standing up to Mickey, which Mickey did NOT like. The bus queue they were in immediately scattered. Well Samir threw a punch at Mickey and that was it. Mickey gave him the beating of his life, ending with him using his stiletto shoe as a hammer and battering holes in Samir's (who was unconscious by now) head. With the heel end and everything. Mickey stood up and went to put his shoe back on and walk away, but the heel had snapped off from all the impacts. Mickey now lost his temper. He towered over Samir and proclaimed that he was from gipsy stock, and a really cuntish branch of gypsies as well. He mumbled some foreign sounding words and then told Samir that he had just cursed an earthquake on Turkey. And lo and behold, 3 years and about 7 months later there was an earthquake in Turkey. Surely it can be no coincidence.

When do I get my shag?
Last edited by The Midnight Special on 12 Sep 2003, 22:42, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Rob From Halfords » 12 Sep 2003, 22:41

LianneITV wrote: I do like a bit of anal.


Halfords Chamois Leather Extra Extra Large



* Genuine sheepskin
* Absorbs upto 4 times its weight in water
* Naturally gentle, streakless and scratchless


Halfords Price: £12.99 (including vat)







And you're a bird, you say?
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Postby Mrs Elsie Special » 12 Sep 2003, 22:46

The Midnight Special wrote:

When do I get my shag?


You DIIIIIIRTY little boy. There'll be no Thomas the Tank Engine videos for you for a week now. Get to bed, NOW! I'll be up in a few minutes to give you a slippering you disgusting child. I've just got to finish knitting this umbrella first.
I'm 81 you know.

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Postby German Dave » 12 Sep 2003, 22:47

The Midnight Special wrote: There's a bloke who's world famous in Oxford called Mickey


never heard of him.
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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 22:48

The Midnight Special wrote:Now you're talking my language love. I have actually got something for you in the way of earthquakes. There's a bloke who's world famous in Oxford called Mickey and he's a transvestite and a nutter. He goes round the city centre asking for cigarettes and money etc. Well, everyone always gives him what he asks for because he's built like a brick shit house and he threatens to stove your head in if you don't comply. Anyway, some people resent this and see it as some form of aggressive begging. As if. Anyway, one time, this Turkish bloke , Samir, wasn't having any of it and was standing up to Mickey, which Mickey did NOT like. The bus queue they were in immediately scattered. Well Samir threw a punch at Mickey and that was it. Mickey gave him the beating of his life, ending with him using his stiletto shoe as a hammer and battering holes in Samir's (who was unconscious by now) head. With the heel end and everything. Mickey stood up and went to put his shoe back on and walk away, but the heel had snapped off from all the impacts. Mickey now lost his temper. He towered over Samir and proclaimed that he was from gipsy stock, and a really cuntish branch of gypsies as well. He mumbled some foreign sounding words and then told Samir that he had just cursed an earthquake on Turkey. And lo and behold, 3 years and about 7 months later there was an earthquake in Turkey. Surely it can be no coincidence.

When do I get my shag?


Jesus, I've got the fucking horn now. (So to speak).

What do you know about the causes of WW1?

From the woman's perspective really

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Postby The Midnight Special » 12 Sep 2003, 22:49

griff wrote:
The Midnight Special wrote: There's a bloke who's world famous in Oxford called Mickey


never heard of him.


Of course you haven't. He 's only world famous in Oxford.
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Postby Snarfyguy » 12 Sep 2003, 23:10

griff wrote:
River Man wrote:
GemmaBBC wrote:I was directed to you by someone on the Mojo site who thought that someone on this forum might be able to help.

I didn't realise it was a private site, sorry.


Well you have come to the right place if you want stories about music but I can't recall reading a post from a Barry White fan here.


hey, i'm a barry white fan. i felt his death more than i've felt most pop deaths (if i'm truthful, as much as i love and admire johnny cash, barry white is closer to my heart).

i've said it before and i'll say it again, "let the music play" is one of the most incredibly bittersweet records i have ever heard. for that alone (and he has done many other magical songs besides) he is head and shoulders above 99% of popular music acts.

i rest my case.


Some people will say anything to get on television.
Jimbo wrote:Look, all I know is pretty much what I get from Robert Parry over at Consortium News.

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Postby The Midnight Special » 12 Sep 2003, 23:13

Right then, Lianne. What I'm gonna tell you now is worth you and 2 of your mates in a travel inn for the whole night.

The causes of WW1 from a woman's point of view., eh? It's funny you should say "from a woman's point of view" because it was actually a woman who started it. A swiss woman - how ironic is that. Well, as you know Switzerland used to be the main European superpower before Egypt took over the role. Switzerland are always thought to be all namby pamby and all "Oh no. Don't fight. people might need a plaster. have some cheese instead." But no. The most aggressivest fuckers on the planet.

Deep in the bowels of the Alps they've got a war machine dedicated to starting wars. Which they always blame on Germany. But I'll give them that - Germany are cunts anyway. Well one day in 1914 the Swiss Prime Minister (not the official, puppet ruler, the secret REAL one) Betty Scheissenhaausen went down to the shops to buy a toblerone flavoured pot noodle but they were out of stock. Well, what's remarkable about that you might ask. Well, she was an ADDICT to them. And boy did she need her fix that morning. PMTs and all that. But there was a national shortage that her advisors had failed to inform her about. Well you can imagine what happened next. This bird went ballistic. She got in her private tank (which was disguised to look like an elephant so as not to attract attention) and trundled off towards the nearest source of toblerone flavoured pot noodles - sarajevo. When she got there 5 days later (tanks aren't fast at the best of times) she was in a right state, hungry, cold turkey, period, bad hair day - the lot. She drove right towards the nearest pot noodle kellar - but there was some sort of official cavalcade barring her way. It was only the Archduke Ferdinand and his cronies. Well the swiss bird had always hated him for having the last rich tea at a League of Nations conference some years earlier. She drew her blunderbuss from her knicker pocket and popped a cap in the mutha fucka's ass. The rest is history.

So do you do rimming?
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marios

Postby marios » 12 Sep 2003, 23:33

River Man wrote:How did the BBC find out about us? I thought this was a secret society.


Oops, i did it again... :roll:

Sorry, if i showed bad judgement...it's just that i genuinely thought some people might actually be interested in claiming their 15 minutes by talking about a man they respect. Never liked his music myself though...

I'm sort of glad i did direct Gemma here though cause this is one of the funniest threads i've read in a while. :lol:

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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 23:38

The Midnight Special wrote:The rest is history.


We were doing a piece to camera with that Dan Cruikshank about Gallipoli and he had this right bulge in his pants.

Well, of course I had no knickers on, so I kept, like, giving him this little flash every now and then. Jesus, I’m such a dirty little whore. Anyway, to cut a long story short. I gave him a soapy tit wank he’ll never forget.

I can’t live with myself sometimes, I’m that disgusting. Wait a minute, yes I can. I love it.

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Postby LianneITV » 12 Sep 2003, 23:39

snarfyguy wrote:Some people will say anything to get on television.


We were interviewing these Mexican slum children last year and one of them had this older brother, must have been 22 or 23.

Christ I was dripping.

I had him on this filthy mattress down this back-street amongst all the litter and shit. Honestly, I’m such a dirty bitch.

I need help.

Wait a minute, no I don’t. I fucking love it.