The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

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funky_nomad
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby funky_nomad » 12 Feb 2013, 21:17

Billy Bongo the Bully Boy wrote:Neither are really my kind of thing. B would have me reaching for the fast-forward less often.
You're on the list. Twat.


Goat Boy wrote:I just played that FOUND song. Wish I hadn't.

b
You're on the list. Twat.


Rank Bajin wrote:I can't stand Sabbath, the Tap is an oddity and find the new 5 on A patchy to say the least.

A
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


Thesiger wrote:I'd very much rather listen to B.
You're on the list. Twat.


Keith Jennings wrote:Both are too narrow and feel constrained. B has the better tracks though.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


toomanyhatz wrote:Jeffrey Lee Pierce is not quite enough to turn me off of B, which is a lot less one-dimensional otherwise.
You're on the list. Twat.


whodathunkit wrote:"Weightlifting" is a nice addition to A but B is still shaping up as one of the top lists.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


Harvey K-Tel wrote:
Billy Bongo the Bully Boy wrote:Neither are really my kind of thing. B would have me reaching for the fast-forward less often.


Indeed.

B
You're on the list. Twat.
And don't think I haven't forgotten that you're already on the list. You're still a twat.


pcqgod wrote:B's new 5 are hit-and-miss for me, but it's still my favorite of the two lists by some distance.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


fangedango! wrote:B here, some nice tunes. I like that Trashcan Sinatras though, A.
You're on the list. Twat.


Matty Red Sox wrote:A.... songs first and all that, and I used Hallogallo some years ago, great track.... but I couldn't see voting for this in the next round....
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


penk wrote:Of the two here I'd probably rather listen to A right now, but there's not much between them and on another day I could pick B.
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


Ray K. wrote:A overall... but that Found tune may be one of the worst things I ever heard.
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


The Fish wrote:Aside from Beach House and Jellyfish A is lacking any real joy. All too hip/stodgy for my tastes. The new 5s also sway in Bs direction. The Gwen Guthrie and Adlibs in particular.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


Zeke wrote:A but I wasn't blow away by the new 5.
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


Neige wrote:A is nice

B
You're on the list. Twat.
Just a penitent man

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Matty Red Sox
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby Matty Red Sox » 13 Feb 2013, 05:23

funky_nomad wrote:
Billy Bongo the Bully Boy wrote:Neither are really my kind of thing. B would have me reaching for the fast-forward less often.
You're on the list. Twat.


Goat Boy wrote:I just played that FOUND song. Wish I hadn't.

b
You're on the list. Twat.


Rank Bajin wrote:I can't stand Sabbath, the Tap is an oddity and find the new 5 on A patchy to say the least.

A
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


Thesiger wrote:I'd very much rather listen to B.
You're on the list. Twat.


Keith Jennings wrote:Both are too narrow and feel constrained. B has the better tracks though.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


toomanyhatz wrote:Jeffrey Lee Pierce is not quite enough to turn me off of B, which is a lot less one-dimensional otherwise.
You're on the list. Twat.


whodathunkit wrote:"Weightlifting" is a nice addition to A but B is still shaping up as one of the top lists.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


Harvey K-Tel wrote:
Billy Bongo the Bully Boy wrote:Neither are really my kind of thing. B would have me reaching for the fast-forward less often.


Indeed.

B
You're on the list. Twat.
And don't think I haven't forgotten that you're already on the list. You're still a twat.


pcqgod wrote:B's new 5 are hit-and-miss for me, but it's still my favorite of the two lists by some distance.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


fangedango! wrote:B here, some nice tunes. I like that Trashcan Sinatras though, A.
You're on the list. Twat.


Matty Red Sox wrote:A.... songs first and all that, and I used Hallogallo some years ago, great track.... but I couldn't see voting for this in the next round....
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


penk wrote:Of the two here I'd probably rather listen to A right now, but there's not much between them and on another day I could pick B.
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


Ray K. wrote:A overall... but that Found tune may be one of the worst things I ever heard.
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


The Fish wrote:Aside from Beach House and Jellyfish A is lacking any real joy. All too hip/stodgy for my tastes. The new 5s also sway in Bs direction. The Gwen Guthrie and Adlibs in particular.

B
You're on the list. Twat.


Zeke wrote:A but I wasn't blow away by the new 5.
You're on the list. Twat. Thanks for your vote.


Neige wrote:A is nice

B
You're on the list. Twat.


I love the fact that even those of us who voted for his list, but insulted it too made the list!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
the Eagles suck.

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Nikki Gradual
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby Nikki Gradual » 13 Feb 2013, 13:41

Image

This is my ipod. Or rather this was my ipod, until recently.

Since this picture was taken, it has had a catastrophic nervous breakdown and worse, and I have spent the last week nursing it.

Because of you.

You see, I haven't entered the cup for a few years because I tired of the acrimony and vituperative bullying of the BCB canon drones.

Worse even than them are the BCB anti-canon militia, who submit, praise and vote for rubbish they would never actually listen to because it is "brave" or "different".

Ephemeral pop fluff – "Ooh Britney, love that song" – a statement of individuality on a par with wearing Simpsons socks or a wacky tie. Sad sad deluded wankers whose priority should't really be planning their caustic cup put-downs, but getting a life.

Consider that there are upwards of 50 votes in each tie, and wonder for a moment how many of them are true, and wise, and sage selections. Maybe a handful at best. The rest are simply a pathetic bunch of desolate losers trying to increase their own cred through their voting and comments. Their sense of displacement is rivalled only by their misplaced sense of entitlement.

I explained all this to my ipod, but my ipod is young, an innocent. It may look as if it has served in the trenches a long time, had a long hard life for a mechanical gizmo that merits some decency and respect, but in reality it isn't yet even a teenager. It is full of joy and hope for the world and doesn't understand the cynicism or the jaundiced belligerence of the average bedsit-bound BCBer.

So when it looked like the entire competition might be derailed by some people who considered themselves too frickin cool to even submit their lists for the cup, my ipod begged to step in and save the day.

I pleaded with the ipod not to get involved with a competition with as much inhumane bloodletting as a Sven Hassel book, but how could I crush a youngsters dreams and aspirations?

It wanted to be one of the gang, to dip a toe in the piranha-infested cesspool of BCB; thinking, naively, that new blood would be welcomed, its youthful exuberance appreciated and encouraged.

So, reluctantly, I allowed my ipod to play. It excitedly put itself in shuffle mode while I wrote down the first 10 tracks it came up with.

Tracks it must genuinely love, not infantile dross or obscurist drek designed solely to win a cup, or failing that to say "Hey, I am one cool and knowledgeable motherfucker," but music that for whatever reason touches my ipod's soul.

The shuffle list was submitted and the ipod and I sat back, both now being naive, awaiting any chinks of light in the despondent gloom of BCB bile.

Instead, predictably, it drove straight into a wall of mannered apathy and certifiable hatred, receiving the typical BCB reaction: a barrage of abuse mixed with carefully picked long-range sniper shots, uppercuts, body blows and kidney punches from the self-appointed cognoscenti of cool.

A few (so very few) souls showed their humanity.

It was those few I think, and the hope that they represent, who can take the credit for my ipod even making it through the terrible events that would then unfold.

Thank you.

As you would expect, such a callow youth took its devastating defeat badly.

At first little messages flashed on to the screen, the likes of "but list B is shite," and "I can't believe I'm losing to fucking Honey Cone", and "what does 'abomination' mean?"

Within hours my ipod's health had drastically worsened. These messages were replaced with other, more sinister ones such as "operational failure". I plugged it in and it turned to drink, hoovering up electricity to no effect. "Battery still has no charge" was followed by "battery cannot retain charge" and finally "for you the ipodding is over Tommy".

I rushed it to hospital (the Genius Bar) and they diagnosed a massive heart attack that only an immediate battery transplant could save.

It could all be coincidence that this meltdown and cup defeat happened simultaneously, of course, but Aidan in the Apple Store (and they are omniscient spotty Gods even if they are earning £15,000 a year and living with their mums and dads) particularly asked if the ipod had suffered any recent stress or blows. "Yes," I said with a tear in my eye, "it offered up its innocence to a mob of sadists."

After the transplant, my ipod was sent home with me to recuperate and a tense week followed as its health ebbed and flowed, it lapsed in and out of consciousness and over and over again it forlornly flashed on to the screen what would have been its next five. Susan vs Youthclub by The Fall, Mussorgsky's Das alte Schloss etc etc.

They tell me the ipod will pull through, but it is still a broken man/MP3 player and I think it might never fully recover.

It has lost its home and now spends its days moping around a caravan, weeping (see below).

BCB has opened Pandora's box and tipped the contents into a bin-bag of shame.

So, when you sit back this evening with your Aldi riesling and ready meal Shergar lasagne for one, listening to The Smiths - through headphones even though there is no one in your life for you to disturb – you can be very proud that, though always protesting to look to the future, you have yet again held it back and kept civilisation in the same tawdry stasis that so reflects your own empty life.

But hear this, you may crushed the dreams of children on this occasion, but they will never stop dreaming. And one day you will die, sad and alone and no longer able to entrap and stifle others' happiness in your web of jealous misanthropy.

BCB, destroyer of dreams, RIP.

Image

Image

Image
"He's thrown a kettle over a pub; what have you done?"

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funky_nomad
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby funky_nomad » 13 Feb 2013, 13:58

:lol:
Just a penitent man

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T. Willy Rye
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby T. Willy Rye » 13 Feb 2013, 14:43

Thank you, Nikki Gradual, for bringing humanity back to the cup. How many of us consider the lives we destroy with our knee-jerk cynicism and flippant brand of arsenic? Is there one among us? You sir are a gentleman of great empathy; your kind has no place among us bottom dwellers and ne'er do wells.

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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby harvey k-tel » 13 Feb 2013, 15:06

@Nikki

Yes!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Count Machuki
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby Count Machuki » 13 Feb 2013, 15:21

Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Nikki's iPod. It gets better, buddy!


:lol:
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oliltownofkathlehem
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby oliltownofkathlehem » 13 Feb 2013, 19:23

...


the day of battle broke, cold and icky.

grumpily, the evil army approached, their black blood rising...

Image


... hold on. for fucque's sake, coan. you were fidgetty as a kid, weren't ya?


grumpily, the evil army approached, their black blood rising. never had such a foul, cloth-eared group of misbegotten fucquenozzles been assembled, well, since the year before. just look at em. every one of em a horrible hairball of nature.

Image



but their terror is naught compared to the nine. the nine... their faces so terrible, each with a countenance so deadly, that i cannot show them here in full war display. however, i do have a nice pic of them on holiday last summer, in the catskills.

Image




... and what is this otherworldly evil the forces of hell do summon for their cause? lo, a balrog of briggeroth come.


Image



o, who will save poor kath from the dreaded balrog of briggernothgareb?

Image



...who?

... who stands for justice, truth and things that look kinda sparkly in a certain light?

that's right... it's
~~**the groovy kickass army of righteous awesomeness**~~.

Image
(they may look a lil weird, but they're a blast at parties.)


massively outnumbered though they be, our heroes know they have a few trump cards of their own.

leading them is a wizard not only wise in the ways of all war... he also looks a lot like that chick who used to be in nightwish.


Image


another advantage: the evil army aint exactly known for its brainpower, if ya know what i mean. a case in point: balrogs from briggernothgarebornarg just don't really housetrain well.

Image



of course, our heroes have known from the start it might be a lost cause. they might not make it off the battlefield alive. they know. they brought marshmallows.

wait... what is that in the distance? a convenient escape plan? yayyyy!! it be the giant eagles of whereverir, come to save the day!!


Image


let the trumpets blare!! let the beads be thrown!! ...

...

...

...

Image


... well, maybe next year.



what. like i was gonna write another sonnet.

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BlueMeanie
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby BlueMeanie » 13 Feb 2013, 19:50

You're not bitter then!
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John Mc
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby John Mc » 13 Feb 2013, 20:25

kath wrote:Image


That's quite a nice picture of me, actually. :)
quix wrote:If you want to really live then you have to open yourself up to love... some you'll win, some you'll lose... but what is the point if being human if you don't dare?

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the masked man
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby the masked man » 13 Feb 2013, 20:51

kath wrote:...



leading them is a wizard not only wise in the ways of all war... he also looks a lot like that chick who used to be in nightwish.

Image



:D :D :D :D :D :o

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Loki
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby Loki » 14 Feb 2013, 00:39

Brilliant, kath. :lol:
Image


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fange
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby fange » 15 Feb 2013, 01:13

Nikki Gradual wrote:
...BCB, destroyer of dreams, RIP...

Image


:D
Fantastic recrimination, Nikki. Loved it. I'll never look at my i-pod the same way.


kath wrote:...

the groovy kickass army of righteous awesomeness**

Image
(they may look a lil weird, but they're a blast at parties.)


:D
This just might be the greatest picture i have ever seen, Kath - out cans Warhol, out pops Lichtenstein.
We few, we happy few.



And funky nomad - twat's great too. :)
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby never/ever » 15 Feb 2013, 05:30

I think we should have a vote-off on the best recrimination.
These are all fantastic!!!
kath wrote:i do not wanna buy the world a fucquin gotdamn coke.

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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby oliltownofkathlehem » 15 Feb 2013, 15:24

fangedango! wrote:We few, we happy few.


i think not. the honor is mine, good sir evil, red-faced, freaky-lookin, satan-sanctified michael mcdonald knight. ::smacketh::

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T. Willy Rye
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby T. Willy Rye » 15 Feb 2013, 17:19

Kath you can have the titles to your competition if that is what you desire. Your pictorial sorcery is all too impressive. However, isn’t your triumph tied to the short-sided determinism that assigns those of us who are different evil characteristics? Oh sure, I am guilty of this myself when I falsely accused Polish Girl, Jeemo, Beno, and mission of having conspired to defeat my list. I can only hope that the four of you saw through these desperate words of mine, saw through to what they truly are: the utterances of a sad broken man. It was the moving and courageous story of Nikki’s ipod that has shown me the pain I feel. For you see the story of Nikki’s ipod is my story.

In my past I had been banished from society’s more accepted forms of habitation. I’d been made to feel as though I did not deserve the living dimensions of a one bedroom flat or even a studio. I’d grown accustomed to the mixture of smells that such an abode offers: the chemically perfume of laminates that cover every surface of its interior, the aroma of bargain cleaning supplies bought in industrial sizes from warehouse stores that have long since gone out of business, and the fallout from my aunt’s spectacular yet failed attempt to transport freshly caught trout across the Mojave Desert. Is it wrong that such a smell vies with my mom’s freshly baked apple pie when I think of which scents define what is home for me?

I realize not all of us have experienced the sort of isolation that living in a trailer imposes; or have we? When you were picked last for softball due toy our “unorthodox” manner of throwing aren’t you being banished to the trailer? Remember when the it-girl of your high school sought eternally-nice-guy you out for comforting when she had been tossed aside by her latest Neanderthal? Remember how you started fantasizing that she was your girlfriend and when that fantasy became a little too real it made an impression in your pants? Remember that when she pulled away and saw the impression, her face was filled with revulsion? Weren’t you being banished to the trailer? What about the time you hand delivered your resume to your company’s HR director, hoping for that promotion? Do you remember how she let that minute derisive snort escape her judgmental nose as if to say, “Not if you were the last man on the planet.”

Kath, have your divisive awards if they mean so much to you, but I will not be painted a black rider of death. When I cry, are my tears not real tears? When I bleed, is it not real blood? Kath, I am so much more than your picture shows me to be: I am Nikki’s ipod and I will not be banished to the trailer today or any other day!
Last edited by T. Willy Rye on 16 Feb 2013, 03:43, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby oliltownofkathlehem » 15 Feb 2013, 21:32

I Am Nikki's ipod #1 wrote:Kath you can have the titles to your competition if that is what you desire. Your pictorial sorcery is all too impressive. However, isn’t your triumph tied to the short-sided determinism that assigns those of us who are different evil characteristics? Oh sure, I am guilty of this myself when I falsely accused Polish Girl, Jeemo, Beno, and mission of having conspired to defeat my list. I can only hope that the four of you saw through these desperate words of mine, saw through to what they truly are: the utterances of a sad broken man. It was the moving and courageous story of Nikki’s ipod that has shown me the pain I feel. For you see the story of Nikki’s ipod is my story.

In my past I had been banished from society’s more accepted forms of habitation. I’d been made to feel as though I did not deserve the living dimensions of a one bedroom flat or even a studio. I’d grown accustomed to the mixture of smells that such an abode offers: the chemically perfume of laminates that cover every surface of its interior, the aroma of bargain cleaning supplies bought in industrial sizes from warehouse stores that have long since gone out of business, and the fallout from my aunt’s spectacular yet failed attempt to transport freshly caught trout across the Mojave Desert. Is it wrong that such a smell vies with my mom’s freshly baked apple pie when I think of which scents define what is home for me?

I realize not all of us have experienced the sort of isolation that living in a trailer imposes; or have we? When we were picked last for softball due to our “unorthodox” manner of throwing aren’t we being banished to the trailer? Remember when the it-girl of your high school sought eternally-nice-guy you out for comforting when she had been tossed aside by her latest Neanderthal? Remember how you started fantasizing that she was your girlfriend and when that fantasy became a little too real it made an impression in your pants? Remember that when she pulled away and saw the impression, her face was filled with revulsion? Weren’t you being banished to the trailer? What about the time you hand delivered your resume to your company’s HR director? Do you remember how she let that minute derisive snort escape her judgmental nose as if to say, “Not if you were the last man on the planet.”

Kath, have your divisive awards if they mean so much to you, but I will not be painted a black rider of death. When I cry, are my tears not real tears? When I bleed, is it not real blood? Kath, I am so much more than your picture shows me to be: I am Nikki’s ipod and I will not be banished to the trailer today or any other day!


(she wipes away another tear.. with some difficulty...)

ya know, ipod, perhaps you should think about doing a lil research ere you yerself are so quick to judge. most folk here already know i have an... abnormality. my nose is what some would call... deformed. reap tells me it's beautiful, though. (sniffle).

it didn't show up til late kindergarten. {WARNING: some of these pictures have been edited to protect the squeamish.}

at first, it was kinda small. i was an oblivious lil brat, of course.


Image


but of course, the other lil kids teased me fast. i took to hiding my face behind musical instruments.

Image


i guess you of all devices know what stigma during one's formative years is like. true, i had most of a "normal" face, but sometimes i think that makes the bastards even more cruel to you, ironically. i mean, not everyone understands what it means to be unable to use a standard kleenex. and yet you cry more than most. siiigh.

Image


i guess we all have our crosses to bear, yes? what doesn't fucque ya up totally makes ya less totally fucqued up. er... yeah. my last picture taken from that hell known as high school shows my resolve to find happiness in this world.

Image

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T. Willy Rye
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby T. Willy Rye » 17 Feb 2013, 06:46

I thought "I Am Nikki's ipod" and "I will not go back to the trailer" were mantras ripe for for the picking, but it turns out I was wrong. You are all a bunch of short-sided assholes and wouldn't know a movement if it bit you on the ass. I'm going back to being T. Willy Rye, Richard Widmark my avatar.
Last edited by T. Willy Rye on 17 Feb 2013, 14:40, edited 1 time in total.

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oliltownofkathlehem
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby oliltownofkathlehem » 17 Feb 2013, 07:12

T. Willy Rye wrote:I thought I Am Nikki's ipod and I will not go back to the trailer were mantras ripe for for the picking, but it turns out I was wrong. You are all a bunch of short-sided assholes and wouldn't know a movement if it bit you on the ass. I'm going back to being T. Willy Rye, Richard Widmark my avatar.


well, sure. just remember that pointin a gun at people does *not* make up for the fact that ya totally missed out on using rye-pod.

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Loki
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Re: The glorious return of Bitter Recriminations

Postby Loki » 17 Feb 2013, 07:29

kath wrote:
Image


Image



Hmmmmmmm......


:D
Image


whodathunkit wrote: Somewhere it's always 1972.