Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

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Davey the Fat Boy
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby Davey the Fat Boy » 27 Feb 2014, 08:37

If you ever find yourself driving out where the fishing is best, out near this one, almost-forgotten stretch of road is - you'll come upon this one tin bait and tackle shack. Inside it there's this blind old Japanese man, who looks like an Asian Michael J. Pollard with a Maynard Krebs goatee. Go in, if you get the chance and ask him for the special. He'll know what you mean.

Within moments your nostrils will welcome the faint odor of chloroform. You'll awake in a compromised position, arms and legs manacled, little or no clothes for protection. The old guy will bring his tackle box in, open it...and first think he'll pull out is a wax-encrusted wheel of Gouda cheese. Then the doorbell will ring and a familiar face will arrive. Richard Gere, as you remember him in An Officer and a Gentleman - carrying a small rodent cage. Richard will make a few inappropriate jokes, then leave. The old dude will then take out a fabrege egg with a cobalt blue design. The man will spray some kind of epoxy on it, then roll it in cut glass.

Finally a large three-pronged fish hook will be produced. A gerbil from Gere's cage then chosen, and in a ceremony that can only be described as spiritual, the hook will be tied to the gerbil's tail.

As you may have guessed, the Gouda wheel will be the first thing shoved up your rectum. Maybe not the first thing you've had there, but the first thing from the shop. Next up, the gerbil with the hook on its tail...thrashing and fighting to get deeper in for just a taste of cheese, all the while tearing your anal cavity to shreds.

During this portion of the proceedings, you may have visions. Bizarre faces of demons. You'll wish for death as your anus leaks bloody meat-chunks. Then Asian Michael Pollard will shove the glass-encrusted porcelain egg in as a stopper. Once that's in place...horseback riding. Twerking. A long bumpy ride in a dune buggy . All the while, Asian Michael will stick his tongue in your ear.

For those of you who did not vote for my list. This is my wish for you. For those who did vote for me, but could have done more to secure my victory...this too. Could you have opened a dozen fake accounts and voted for my list? Of coursee!! You are responsible for both your actions and your inaction. You could have changed this. This did not have to be.

So all of the above to each of you. Or you could just listen to that awful Liquid Liquid track on my opponents list. Same effect.
Last edited by Davey the Fat Boy on 27 Feb 2014, 16:14, edited 1 time in total.
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WG Kaspar
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby WG Kaspar » 27 Feb 2014, 12:48

This is not a fucking literary contest
I run out of talent

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fange
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby fange » 27 Feb 2014, 12:59

Geez, i'm sorry I voted for you now, you kinky freak. :x
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fange wrote:I've got my quad pants on and i'm ready for some Cock.


By CHRIST you're a man after my own sideways sausage, Ange!

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Davey the Fat Boy
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby Davey the Fat Boy » 27 Feb 2014, 15:22

WG Kaspar wrote:This is not a fucking literary contest


I'd take your words to heart if I thought it was even possible to dumb down enough to please a drooling cro-magnon like yourself. Bad enough every list has to look the same to comfort you, now you demand us to recriminate in crayon?

Be gone, dipshit. Please don't hesitate to fuck yourself.
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Loki
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby Loki » 27 Feb 2014, 16:06

This is your favourite part of the Cup, innit Davey. :)
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Loki
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby Loki » 02 Mar 2014, 23:01

I can't be bitter. Sorry.

I'm normally so out-of-step with the BCB majority, I still can scarce credit making it to the Final Four. Some would say it's a fluke. Maybe they're not wrong.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the new format. I can understand why some do not, but I thought the added challenge of honing a list, trying to make it better and better was an intriguing exercise.

I fucked up in Round 5 - I'll own that.

Good luck to the finalists. :)
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Davey the Fat Boy
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby Davey the Fat Boy » 03 Mar 2014, 03:04

All class and graciousness Loki.

Get that shit outta this thread! :evil:
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Loki
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Re: Bitter Recriminations 2014 - Oh do get to fuck..

Postby Loki » 03 Mar 2014, 03:37

:x






:D
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