Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
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Neige
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Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby Neige » 06 Nov 2020, 09:07

Once again I count on the hive mind: The following translation seems rather clumsy to me in many ways, but the main question is: Is it grammatically correct?

This book tells the story of a project that made the impossible possible in the heart of the capital.
The XXX team delivered a project which was not meant to be made there.
It was impossible because there was not enough space, not enough time and not enough resources!
But the team made it happen because they actually did not want to listen that it was impossible.


Any suggestions?
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Fonz
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby Fonz » 06 Nov 2020, 09:29

“...didn’t want to HEAR that it was impossible”
Heyyyy!

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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby Sam Stone » 06 Nov 2020, 09:36

Fonz wrote:“...didn’t want to HEAR that it was impossible”



"...refused to accept that it was impossible..."

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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby Darkness_Fish » 06 Nov 2020, 10:25

"It was impossible because there was not enough space, not enough time and not enough resources!"

Doesn't read quite right to me, becasuse resources is plural. "Was ... not enough resources" sounds wrong on that basis, and "Were not enough resources" sounds better.

I don't know if I'm basing this on laws of grammar, or just a hunch.
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby Sam Stone » 06 Nov 2020, 12:11

"....because of a lack of space, time and resources..."

or, at a pinch,

"because of a perceived lack of space, time and resources..."

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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby Sam Stone » 06 Nov 2020, 12:21

Sam Stone wrote:"....because of a lack of space, time and resources..."

or, at a pinch, if you're trying to be more objective/impartial

"because of a perceived lack of space, time and resources..."

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Neige
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby Neige » 06 Nov 2020, 19:27

Thanks all, very helpful indeed!

English not being my first language, I prefer to be on the safe side.

But your responses prove that ALL my hunches were right... 8-) :P
Thumpety-thump beats plinkety-plonk every time. - Rayge

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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby John aka Josh » 06 Nov 2020, 23:54

Take one

This book, set in the heart of the capital, tells the story of a project that made the impossible possible.
The XXX team delivered a project that was not meant to be made there.
An impossibility because there wasn’t enough space, time or resources.
The team made it happen because they refused to accept that it couldn't be done.


Take two

This book, set in the heart of the capital, tells the story of a project that made the impossible possible.
The XXX team delivered a project that others said could never happen.
They said there wasn’t enough space, time or resources.
Refusing to accept that it couldn't be done, the team made it happen!
Image

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kath
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner Vol. 249

Postby kath » 07 Nov 2020, 00:21

Neige wrote:Once again I count on the hive mind: The following translation seems rather clumsy to me in many ways, but the main question is: Is it grammatically correct?

This book tells the story of a project that made the impossible possible in the heart of the capital.
The XXX team delivered a project which was not meant to be made there.
It was impossible because there was not enough space, not enough time and not enough resources!
But the team made it happen because they actually did not want to listen that it was impossible.


Any suggestions?


i am wordy as a deliberate preference, mwhahaha, but if i were editing this? wayyyy too wordy.

second line needs to be dropped entirely. wasted space, redundant and clunky.

i would probably try sumthin like:

this book tells that story of an impossible project made possible. they were told there was not enough space, time or resources. but they made it happen because they didn't listen to the naysayers.

... or some equivalent. i don't even know if anyone still uses the word "naysayers", mwhaha, and maybe that "was" should be a "were", but ya get the point. absolutely no need for the clunkage to make the basic point.