Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
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Nolamike
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Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Nolamike » 25 Jan 2019, 15:33

As some of you may know, I was adopted. If you didn't know, it's certainly not because I tried to hide the fact - for as long as I can remember, my parents and I always celebrated my having been adopted, and it honestly filled me with pride as a child ("they CHOSE me, other parents are stuck with the kids that are born to them," etc.). Apart from a very few short-lived moments following impetuous teenaged arguments with my adoptive parents ("I bet my REAL dad is, like, Bruce Springsteen, and he wouldn't give me shit!"), I never really had any interest in seeking out my biological family; I suppose I just always felt happy with the family that adopted me, and didn't want to muddle things up by acknowledging that I have another family somewhere out there.

It wasn't until I had a child of my own, when I started becoming more curious about my own biological makeup (answering those "family history" questions on medical forms really brings that front and center, doesn't it?). I was adopted in New York, and they have a system by which an adoptive child can get non-identifying health information on their biological parents... but lo and behold, when I wrote in over a decade ago, I received a response that all of the records related to my adoption were apparently destroyed in an arson incident at a document storage facility at some point in the 1990s (the missus jokes that I must be Damien, from the horror movie The Omen). I then contacted the hospital where I was born, in a half-hearted attempt to find some information, but the medical records from my birth were also long gone. I spoke with a PI specializing in adoption work, but didn't really want to spend the money (it would have started at $1,000, and likely been quite a bit more). Since then, over a decade has gone by, during which my mother passed away, and my father's age and medical problems are catching up to him, so I've become more receptive to the idea of reaching out to any biological relatives that may be out there... so after a great deal of thought, I took a DNA test, and this morning, I found the results in my inbox.

No, I didn't have a direct match with a biological parent or sibling... but I have one with a woman described as being a "close relative," no more distant than a first cousin, and two matches with people who are either first or possibly second cousins. I've reached out to them (obviously not sharing the full story - it would be pretty shitty to find out that an aunt or uncle had a surprise kid via a first email), and we'll see where it goes.... I'm a giant ball of emotion right now... I'm happy and nervous, shaking and on the verge of tears, and my heart is pounding... if I don't get responses for days or weeks (or even ever), well, I don't know how I'll handle it...

I should add, for context, that I have nothing but gratitude and thanks for my biological family, for choosing to give me up for adoption - I was adopted as an infant by a wonderful, loving family, and my childhood could not have been better, and my relationship with my adoptive parents ("real parents") could not have been better. I'm not necessarily seeking any sort of significant relationship with my biological family (I'm not necessarily opposed to it, either; I guess I'm not quite sure what I'd like to come from it). Mostly, I guess, I'm just curious to find out a little bit of history about my biological side, and honestly, to thank them for going through with the adoption, and let them know things turned out great for me... we'll see where this goes.
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby The Prof » 25 Jan 2019, 15:38

Good luck. That was quite a nice read.

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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Nolamike » 25 Jan 2019, 15:38

Uh... I just looked closer at the results... the match that I first read as a close cousin is actually more likely "close family," which indicates a possible half-sibling... :shock:
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Belle Lettre » 25 Jan 2019, 15:49

I hope it all works out and you get a good response!
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Jimbo » 25 Jan 2019, 15:50

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. The cliffhanger bit has me wondering how you will make out. Can't wait to hear.

Life is grand. That I, any of us, are just born onto this wondrous world with gifts like family, food, sex, friendship, conversation, entertainment, music, my god! How lucky I am. How lucky we all are. I could have been a spider or a woodchuck but I am a human being with TV cameras in my head, microphones on the side, grabbers, walkers, a talker, a singer and a network of sensation feelers.

See what your post did to me, ya bastard? Got me all appreciative, Thanks.
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Sneelock » 25 Jan 2019, 16:17

well, I'm still hoping for Springsteen.
The Prof wrote:Good luck. That was quite a nice read.

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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Mike Boom » 25 Jan 2019, 16:43

Wow, good luck, hope it all turns out well for you.

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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Nolamike » 25 Jan 2019, 16:49

I've already gotten a response from one of the people identified as either a first or second cousin, and he's excited to help out!
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Six String » 25 Jan 2019, 17:44

Excellent news. Nice to see you back Mike.

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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby the masked man » 25 Jan 2019, 18:02

I thought the final line of your OP was going to reveal that you found your biological father really was Bruce Springsteen....

But well done, I hope your quest brings you much happiness!

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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Polishgirl » 25 Jan 2019, 18:52

Blimey! How exciting and nerve wracking. Sending all good wishes x
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Robert » 25 Jan 2019, 18:59

Wow, what a story. Hope you’ll get what you’re looking for and nice come back!

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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Hugh » 25 Jan 2019, 19:02

I hope your biological Dad is Scottish as well.

Good luck with it, whatever happens.

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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Nolamike » 25 Jan 2019, 19:28

SO... one of the second cousins I reached out to was able to ask around, and seems to have figured things out. He's put out some feelers in his family, so isn't sharing everything yet, but my biological father is the one he's related to.

He confirms, though that the "close relative" is actually my aunt, and that her sister is my biological mother. She's seen my message, but hasn't responded yet; we'll see what happens. I have found her Facebook page, and luckily enough, her profile pic is a photo of her and her siblings, taken in 1966 - so I've just seen my biological mother for the first time (I'm not sure which one she is, mind you, but still...)

Hugh wrote:I hope your biological Dad is Scottish as well.

Good luck with it, whatever happens.


My DNA has me at 38% Scottish/Irish, though it's all on my mother's side!
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Nolamike » 25 Jan 2019, 19:30

Oh, also, my new aunt has the same name as my adoptive mother (and the middle name of my youngest daughter). Life is a funny thing...
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Still Baron » 25 Jan 2019, 20:09

:shock:
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Charlie O. » 25 Jan 2019, 20:12

Nolamike wrote:Oh, also, my new aunt has the same name as my adoptive mother

First name, I assume you mean? :)

Exciting stuff, Mike!
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Nolamike » 25 Jan 2019, 20:20

Charlie O. wrote:
Nolamike wrote:Oh, also, my new aunt has the same name as my adoptive mother

First name, I assume you mean? :)

Exciting stuff, Mike!


Ah, yes!
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby toomanyhatz » 25 Jan 2019, 20:30

Exciting stuff indeed! I have a VERY close friend who recently went through something similar, and he feels the same way. As in, the family that raised me is my family, but finding out more details is good, and will only reinforce that.

Good luck and congrats on taking the steps.
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Re: Holy Shit! (Nolamike-specific News)

Postby Flower » 25 Jan 2019, 20:31

Good luck Mike ... I'm sure that your biological family has a lot to consider and in the very least, you should have your family's medical history.

I've done a lot of research on my family tree and connected and reconnected with most of my second cousins. My grandfather was one of 15 children and there are holes in our family history and a few missing relatives here and there. I guess that I'm saying that even with my biological family who I grew up with, it's exciting filling in the blanks. Reading this is sort of pushing me to do the DNA thing and see where it takes me ..

Excited for you.
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