Missing my mom

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
meetthesonics
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Missing my mom

Postby meetthesonics » 18 Dec 2018, 13:24

She died four years ago Dec. 18, 2014 just a week before Christmas. Only person in my life who I never had a doubt loved and cared about me. God I miss her. She was stubborn as a mule, difficult as can be, the most giving and best person I've ever known.
Sweet potato ya got it, apple ya ain't.

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Minnie the Minx
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Minnie the Minx » 18 Dec 2018, 13:30

I’m sorry love. It’s very hard isn’t it?
What was her name? Tell us about her.
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby $P.Muff$ » 18 Dec 2018, 13:31

My mom is the coolest. As was my dad. Can't believe he's been dead for over 15 years now. I try not to think about him much or I'll be a wreck.

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby fange » 18 Dec 2018, 15:12

I miss my mum every day too, mts. Next Feb. it'll be 17 years since she passed away. My older sis had all 3 of her own kids while she was alive, so our mum got to experience the joys of being a grandma ... but she never got to meet my kids; my Zoe was born the year after she passed. It's one of the only truly sad things i can think of in my life, because my mum was such a beautiful soul. Her name was Fotini, which in Greek means the bright one. She would have aged so much better than my dad, who i do love but is a bit of a stuck in the mud old Greek man who has never really been the same since, and has let life overwhelm him a bit too much. She was his rock, the silly old coot. The joyous thing for me though is that when i look at Zoe i can still see my mum, as several of her physical and emotional mannerisms are still there in my daughter. Her little crooked smile, the way she sometimes won't make eye contact, her outwardly shy nature that hides an inner strength that is pure light and life.
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Darkness_Fish » 18 Dec 2018, 15:35

Damn it Ange, beautiful writing there.

First Christmas without my dad, it's going to be a weird one. He was never a family man in the way of getting extended family together for big celebrations, or even making a big deal of Christmas, birthdays, etc. He was a family man by being a daft bastard all the time, more on a level with children than with any adult in the room. I'm just anxious of repeating the last few Christmas/New Years routine and just all sitting around noticing the big dad-shaped absence in the room, I'm not really looking forward to much of it. My mum's stopping with us for a lot of it, so we've got to do something different, just no idea what. Sure it'll turn out alright in the end, this kinda thing always does.
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Toby » 18 Dec 2018, 15:40

My dad would have been 91 today. My mum would have been 86 last week.

I don't miss them if I'm honest. Not through any sense of anything they'd done wrong etc, but simply that it's what I feel. They were distant in age and emotion.

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Charlie O. » 18 Dec 2018, 16:06

This will be our first Christmas without Mom.

I loved her more than I can ever say, and our relationship was a close and affectionate one, but... I don't really miss her that much, except in brief moments. I never went through the heavy grief that I absolutely expected to have to go through - unlike my father and brothers, I never even cried (though I got a little choked up a few times). Honestly, I'm not sure whether that's because I somehow processed it all very quickly and efficiently, or if there's something I repressed that's going to bubble to the surface someday at an inopportune moment.

My poor dad's had a hell of a year, though. I think he's come out of it pretty well, but... they knew each other literally all their lives - 86 years. I think he doesn't really know what to do with himself anymore, and unfortunately (not unlike me) he's not a particularly social animal so he's disinclined to go out and do things with people.
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Phenomenal Cat » 18 Dec 2018, 16:31

Charlie O. wrote:Honestly, I'm not sure whether that's because I somehow processed it all very quickly and efficiently, or if there's something I repressed that's going to bubble to the surface someday at an inopportune moment.


This is largely how I function. Both my parents are still with me (thank God), but I can see myself swallowing hard and quickly moving on if one of them died. I should worry more about Mom and Dad.
But somehow when you smile, I can brave bad weather.

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby meetthesonics » 18 Dec 2018, 17:12

Vera is her name and she was born 1925 in Chicago. Her parents came to America from Lithuania before I was born. She was an RN, got a degree from the University of Chicago then for some reason came to Texas and got another degree from TCU. She met my dad, Miles Smith, who was born in Fort Worth and also went to TCU though I'm not sure if they went there at the same time.
They got married, had my brothers and I came later in life when they were both 39. She didn't have the happiest life for many reasons but she loved her Catholic faith and though she could be a contrarian loved people deeply. One of her best friends, Ann Limanowski, who she knew from when they were probably 3 or 4, they'd get together when we visited Chicago and talk on the phone all the time in between and usually argue like cats and dogs but you could tell they loved each other.
She went out of her way for a ton of people and more often than not got ignored or ridiculed though some appreciated her deeply.
If I ever did anything good in my life it's the fact that I helped take care of her after my dad passed away in '87. Not that she needed much back then but she did probably the last eight to 10 years when her health would be up and down. Mainly I think - I hope - just being around was a help. My brother's never cared or did much for her.
I'm far from perfect too and did my share of griping. What I'd give to run errands for her now. She was always the favorite person in my life though and one of only two or three I ever felt fully worthwhile and comfortable around. They're all gone now and I have no family per se. Keep plugging along for whatever reason. But the 18th and 24th (lost my dog Otis Dec. 24, 2015) are always particularly tough. Especially Decembers with those dates on top of Christmas, which was always my favorite time of year.
I remember her telling me where to look on the mailing label to see when a magazine subscription expires. Funny the things you remember.
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby sloopjohnc » 18 Dec 2018, 17:24

I was just having a discussion with my son about this. He's like his mom and my daughter is like me.

I was a complete momma's boy and my brother is the spitting image of my dad in lots of ways. I took my mom's death hard, and my brother took my dad's very hard. What was nice was that I kinda knew what he was going through and could be there for him.

As I was telling my son, my mom got to see her oldest grandchild, my daughter, but never got to see her other three grandkids. That's a shame that life can never get back. She loved kids and would have adored all of them. I wish she'd gotten to experience more than one and for longer. At least she got to experience one, albeit a short time.

For Xmas one year, my mom bought my daughter a baby doll and a stroller. I still get a smile remembering my mom with tears in her eyes watching her granddaughter push that thing around for the first time.

My ex's mom died four days from now almost a year before mine, about 20 years ago. I've told this story many times on here, but she died in an auto accident two days before Xmas. We were visiting my ex's family in New Mexico and I had to call my wife's family and tell them to come home for a funeral, and not for Xmas. The funeral was the day after Xmas day. My wife and father-in-law were in utter shock. When the cops came to the door and told my father-in-law what we kinda already didn't want to know, he bellowed like a wounded animal. It was an inhuman sound that I never want to have to hear again.
Last edited by sloopjohnc on 18 Dec 2018, 17:45, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Hugh » 18 Dec 2018, 17:40

Charlie O. wrote:Honestly, I'm not sure whether that's because I somehow processed it all very quickly and efficiently, or if there's something I repressed that's going to bubble to the surface someday at an inopportune moment.


Absolutely this for me too. I took the view that my mum was 93 and had simply had her time, and nothing was going to change that. As a result I haven’t really grieved and while I think I’ve been doing okay, it’s beginning to dawn on me that maybe I’m not. This first Christmas without her may well be harder than I thought it will be but knowing me, I’ll just keep it all bottled up.

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Hugh » 18 Dec 2018, 17:41

Oh, MTS, hope you are okay and thanks for sharing.

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Minnie the Minx » 18 Dec 2018, 18:48

meetthesonics wrote:Vera is her name and she was born 1925 in Chicago. Her parents came to America from Lithuania before I was born. She was an RN, got a degree from the University of Chicago then for some reason came to Texas and got another degree from TCU. She met my dad, Miles Smith, who was born in Fort Worth and also went to TCU though I'm not sure if they went there at the same time.
They got married, had my brothers and I came later in life when they were both 39. She didn't have the happiest life for many reasons but she loved her Catholic faith and though she could be a contrarian loved people deeply. One of her best friends, Ann Limanowski, who she knew from when they were probably 3 or 4, they'd get together when we visited Chicago and talk on the phone all the time in between and usually argue like cats and dogs but you could tell they loved each other.
She went out of her way for a ton of people and more often than not got ignored or ridiculed though some appreciated her deeply.
If I ever did anything good in my life it's the fact that I helped take care of her after my dad passed away in '87. Not that she needed much back then but she did probably the last eight to 10 years when her health would be up and down. Mainly I think - I hope - just being around was a help. My brother's never cared or did much for her.
I'm far from perfect too and did my share of griping. What I'd give to run errands for her now. She was always the favorite person in my life though and one of only two or three I ever felt fully worthwhile and comfortable around. They're all gone now and I have no family per se. Keep plugging along for whatever reason. But the 18th and 24th (lost my dog Otis Dec. 24, 2015) are always particularly tough. Especially Decembers with those dates on top of Christmas, which was always my favorite time of year.
I remember her telling me where to look on the mailing label to see when a magazine subscription expires. Funny the things you remember.



Ah I loved reading that. Helped me form a face. This is how we have people live on isn’t it? In words and thoughts. They leave a trace that’s like both a yell and a whisper.
You do seem to be beating yourself up over things that you don’t have reason to. I doubt she was the only person to ever care. We care and we don’t know you! Your grieving makes us understand the depth of your emotion. None of that comes from anyone that isn’t worthwhile. Take a deep breath. Take a few. It’ll be ok. X
You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

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Minnie the Minx
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Minnie the Minx » 18 Dec 2018, 19:20

Charlie O. wrote:This will be our first Christmas without Mom.

I loved her more than I can ever say, and our relationship was a close and affectionate one, but... I don't really miss her that much, except in brief moments. I never went through the heavy grief that I absolutely expected to have to go through - unlike my father and brothers, I never even cried (though I got a little choked up a few times). Honestly, I'm not sure whether that's because I somehow processed it all very quickly and efficiently, or if there's something I repressed that's going to bubble to the surface someday at an inopportune moment.

My poor dad's had a hell of a year, though. I think he's come out of it pretty well, but... they knew each other literally all their lives - 86 years. I think he doesn't really know what to do with himself anymore, and unfortunately (not unlike me) he's not a particularly social animal so he's disinclined to go out and do things with people.


Lots of love to you and your Pa, Charlie!
You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

Dr Markus wrote:
Someone in your line of work usually as their own man cave aka the shed we're they can potter around fixing stuff or something don't they?

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mission
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby mission » 19 Dec 2018, 00:20

I shouldn't have opened this at work. I am crying like a bebby.

Mum died in 2013 and I still want to let her know my news.
Goodness gracious me.

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Charlie O. » 19 Dec 2018, 00:33

Minnie Mincepie wrote:Lots of love to you and your Pa, Charlie!

Thanks, Anna! He LOVED meeting you (as I did, of course) and Michael, and the Texas trip in general.

And he still talks about the brisket at Terry Black's (I'm not kidding).
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kath
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby kath » 19 Dec 2018, 02:13

*sigh* *sniffle*

love to everyone in this thread. i miss my ma every day of my life. i wrote a tribute to her on this board a decade ago, when she passed. whatever is good in me, seriously, i got from her.

but i wanna tell one lil story. i have this thing about symbolism. birds, in this case. my brother loved blue, so when he died many years ago, i decided he was a bluejay, and whenever i saw a bluejay, it was him, telling me good day. my ma loved red, so she became a red bird. the beezle loved the sound of doves cooing in the morning, so she became a dove. yeah, it may sound silly, but i'm the type of person who loves, who strives for, positive associations. they help to make life happier.

so anywayyyy, reap and i pick football games with a few groups. then we have one that we just do at home, no one else. i draw up the games in a notebook. neither of my kids cared about football, but we would include em, and they would pick for the helluvit. for fun. (when the beezle was still planet-bound, she would pick teams by giving animal noises that had *nothing* to do with the team mascot in question.)

i'm not sure when exactly symbolism sunk in, but attila this year keeps pickin the cards. i asked him why he was doin it even though the cards suck this year. his answer: gramma.

the people we love live on in the strangest ways. wonderful ways.

::smack::

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby $P.Muff$ » 19 Dec 2018, 02:24

On the topic of birds: I was feeling like this guy early this morning:



Went for a bike ride and a beautiful blue heron was chilling on the trail (lots of lakes round). He flew off and landed 20 or so feet away and stared at me. I felt a connection. Can't explain it, and maybe I'm just fooling myself, but my day got much better after that.

And yes, much love to everyone who has shared on this thread.

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Re: Missing my mom

Postby meetthesonics » 19 Dec 2018, 19:14

Thanks everyone and love to everyone who has lost their parents or family members.
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Re: Missing my mom

Postby Flower » 19 Dec 2018, 22:26

Hugs to all. I'm too choked up to really type/write anything right now.
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