Proofreaders' Corner #249

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
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Neige
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Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby Neige » 11 Oct 2018, 13:36

I have these sentences.

"As the next generation (...) grows up, so there is a rising entrepreneurial spirit ...

"As the millennial generation assumes roles in family offices and philantropical organizations, so this trend is likely to grow stronger"

The combined use of "as" and "so" sounds totally wrong to my ears, but I'm no native speaker so what do I know? :oops:

Can anyone shed light on this?
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SUMPTUOUS SI
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby SUMPTUOUS SI » 11 Oct 2018, 13:42

I'd just miss out 'so' altogether, leave everything else as it is. The comma is all you need to indicate cause and effect.
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby PENK » 11 Oct 2018, 13:46

You can ditch ”so” in both. ”As” is already doing the same job. Witness what happens if you switch the clauses:

This trend is likely to grow stronger as the millennial generation assumes roles...
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Rorschach
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby Rorschach » 11 Oct 2018, 13:51

HEN wrote:I'd just miss out 'so' altogether, leave everything else as it is. The comma is all you need to indicate cause and effect.


Agreed, but the "so" isn't incorrect. It's purely rhetorical but it's presumably there for emphasis.

I find the first sentence odd though.

As the next generation (...) grows up, so there is a rising entrepreneurial spirit ...


The reference to ' the next generation' makes me feel it's talking about the future and I'd expect it to continue, "...so there will be a rising ..."
The second sentence has a future sense.
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SUMPTUOUS SI
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby SUMPTUOUS SI » 11 Oct 2018, 14:01

Yes.
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Neige
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby Neige » 11 Oct 2018, 14:03

Rorschach wrote:Agreed, but the "so" isn't incorrect. It's purely rhetorical but it's presumably there for emphasis.


Cheers Tym! This is very helpful, as I'm not really supposed to change anything that isn't either wrong or inconsistent (which is why I won't adventure myself into tenses territory with the first sentence).

And thanks for confirming my hunch, Penk and Coan!
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby Snarfyguy » 11 Oct 2018, 15:30

"As the next generation (...) grows up, so there is a rising entrepreneurial spirit ..."

The precedent for this is the construction here: As Maine goes, so goes the nation.

But the samples you gave don't benefit in any way from being formulated like this.

Sorry if this is entirely obvious!
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby sloopjohnc » 11 Oct 2018, 17:47

HEN wrote:I'd just miss out 'so' altogether, leave everything else as it is. The comma is all you need to indicate cause and effect.


exactly.

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Matt Wilson
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby Matt Wilson » 11 Oct 2018, 17:51

You don't need to ditch the 'so' at all. It's fine as is.
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Re: Proofreaders' Corner #249

Postby sloopjohnc » 11 Oct 2018, 17:56

PENK wrote:You can ditch ”so” in both. ”As” is already doing the same job. Witness what happens if you switch the clauses:


Always a good trick for evaluating language efficiency.