How to write a joke

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
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sloopjohnc
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How to write a joke

Postby sloopjohnc » 19 Jul 2018, 19:39

Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk!

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby harvey k-tel » 19 Jul 2018, 20:00

And here I was hoping you were going to teach us.
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Dor-Relip Hotels and Bathings » 19 Jul 2018, 20:43

I kind of like that fella now. I like it when he gets together with Larry David and they just chuckle at the absurdity of so much of life.

Did you see this?



Letterman really came across as a humble old soul. I was surprised.

There wasn't much there, really, but it was entertaining enough.

I still find it strange how you folk revere your chat-show hosts. All they have to do is sit there and ask questions and kiss arse, for fuck's sake!
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sloopjohnc
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby sloopjohnc » 19 Jul 2018, 20:51

As well as being an amateur songwriter, I am an amateur joke writer.

The recent one I've been mulling in my head is how traffic lights seem to have personalities - some are more tolerant and strict than others. And how on the weekends, they seem to relax a bit more too and don't care as much.
Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk!

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby sloopjohnc » 19 Jul 2018, 20:57

The Beatles wrote:I still find it strange how you folk revere your chat-show hosts. All they have to do is sit there and ask questions and kiss arse, for fuck's sake!


Most talk show hosts are former comedians - I guess they figure they can think on their feet. I was a fan of Ellen's, Letterman's and Leno's stand up long before they became hosts. Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers were both in comedy, but not necessarily stand ups.

Ellen Degeneres has one of my favorite jokes of all time.

"Do you know how it's the little things your partner does when you can tell the relationship is going bad. It's like in-out, in-out, in-out, can you just stop that breathing?"
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sloopjohnc
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby sloopjohnc » 19 Jul 2018, 20:58

Harvey K-Tel wrote:And here I was hoping you were going to teach us.


You need help, but not in that area.
Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk!

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Diamond Dog
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Diamond Dog » 19 Jul 2018, 22:04

sloopjohnc wrote:As well as being an amateur songwriter, I am an amateur joke writer.

The recent one I've been mulling in my head is how traffic lights seem to have personalities - some are more tolerant and strict than others. And how on the weekends, they seem to relax a bit more too and don't care as much.


I'm surprised you're still toiling away in your day job, when the path to comedic superstardom is clearly an inevitability, should you only choose to take it.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby sloopjohnc » 19 Jul 2018, 22:11

Diamond Dog wrote:
sloopjohnc wrote:As well as being an amateur songwriter, I am an amateur joke writer.

The recent one I've been mulling in my head is how traffic lights seem to have personalities - some are more tolerant and strict than others. And how on the weekends, they seem to relax a bit more too and don't care as much.


I'm surprised you're still toiling away in your day job, when the path to comedic superstardom is clearly an inevitability, should you only choose to take it.


It's all in the delivery. . .
Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk!

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Sneelock » 19 Jul 2018, 23:51

I enjoyed that. I binge watched a couple hours worth of "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" recently and my opinion of Jerry Seinfeld is on an upswing. He knows what he's doing and he knows he's not exactly curing cancer.

I think it took Larry David hitting it big for me to really get a sense of what Jerry was bringing to the party. LD and the co-stars and the very clever writing are easy to spot. You'd think Jerry's contribution would be easy to spot too but I think I'm only now starting to realize that his was clearly the heaviest hand on "Seinfeld's" rudder.
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Darkness_Fish » 20 Jul 2018, 09:04

sloopjohnc wrote:The recent one I've been mulling in my head is how traffic lights seem to have personalities - some are more tolerant and strict than others. And how on the weekends, they seem to relax a bit more too and don't care as much.

I'm always concerned why traffic lights go "red, amber, green". Who decided to try and get poetical, almost wistful for the second one? Were all three more esoteric originally, but they got dumbed down? Were "incarnadine, jaundiced, verdant" rejected for being too emotional?
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Diamond Dog » 20 Jul 2018, 09:49

Darkness_Fish wrote:
sloopjohnc wrote:The recent one I've been mulling in my head is how traffic lights seem to have personalities - some are more tolerant and strict than others. And how on the weekends, they seem to relax a bit more too and don't care as much.

I'm always concerned why traffic lights go "red, amber, green". Who decided to try and get poetical, almost wistful for the second one? Were all three more esoteric originally, but they got dumbed down? Were "incarnadine, jaundiced, verdant" rejected for being too emotional?


:lol:

Brilliant.

You've just done sloop out of a job, you heartless bastard.
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby caramba » 20 Jul 2018, 16:25

The Beatles wrote:

I still find it strange how you folk revere your chat-show hosts. All they have to do is sit there and ask questions and kiss arse, for fuck's sake!



It's a lot. lot harder than it looks.

As Peter Cook - always a wonderful chat show guest - found when he got given his own car crash of a chat show
by the BBC in 1971.

PC was so bad he was replaced after two episodes by some no mark from Barnsley who no one had ever heard of
before or probably since.

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Deebank » 20 Jul 2018, 16:41

caramba wrote:
The Beatles wrote:

I still find it strange how you folk revere your chat-show hosts. All they have to do is sit there and ask questions and kiss arse, for fuck's sake!



It's a lot. lot harder than it looks.

As Peter Cook - always a wonderful chat show guest - found when he got given his own car crash of a chat show
by the BBC in 1971.

PC was so bad he was replaced after two episodes by some no mark from Barnsley who no one had ever heard of
before or probably since.


There quite a list of otherwise successful entertainers who have failed as a chat show host.

Clarkeson and Danny Baker spring to mind.
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby caramba » 20 Jul 2018, 16:46

Deebank wrote:
caramba wrote:
The Beatles wrote:

I still find it strange how you folk revere your chat-show hosts. All they have to do is sit there and ask questions and kiss arse, for fuck's sake!



It's a lot. lot harder than it looks.

As Peter Cook - always a wonderful chat show guest - found when he got given his own car crash of a chat show
by the BBC in 1971.

PC was so bad he was replaced after two episodes by some no mark from Barnsley who no one had ever heard of
before or probably since.


There quite a list of otherwise successful entertainers who have failed as a chat show host.

Clarkeson and Danny Baker spring to mind.


Harold Wilson was another. His "and this is the pound in your pocket" joke at the end of his first show effectively killed his cs hosting career

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Jimbo » 25 Jul 2018, 10:32

Just chatting with a friend about being retired and he joked how he's now worthless. I said back to him, "You're not worthless. You're just worth less."

Pretty good, right? Right? Right?
“It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.” Mark Twain

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby caramba » 25 Jul 2018, 10:37

Jimbo wrote:Just chatting with a friend about being retired and he joked how he's now worthless. I said back to him, "You're not worthless. You're just worth less."

Pretty good, right? Right? Right?


Are you here all week?

Do you do a matinee?

How's the veal?

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Jimbo » 25 Jul 2018, 10:40

caramba wrote:
How's the veal?


Vealy.
“It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.” Mark Twain

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Re: How to write a joke

Postby caramba » 25 Jul 2018, 10:42

You can, of course, always take and twist an old joke.

Why did the pervert cross the road?



























Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.





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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Snarfyguy » 10 Aug 2018, 03:24

My friend Gordy, who actually sold a few jokes to Carson's people back in the day, actually wrote the following joke:

My doctor asked me for a sperm sample, a stool sample and a urine sample - so I gave him my underwear.
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Re: How to write a joke

Postby Jimbo » 10 Aug 2018, 04:47

Snarfyguy wrote:My friend Gordy, who actually sold a few jokes to Carson's people back in the day, actually wrote the following joke:

My doctor asked me for a sperm sample, a stool sample and a urine sample - so I gave him my underwear.


Where'd Gordo get that one, from Carlos Mencia?
“It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.” Mark Twain