Laughs Needed Please.

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
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Polishgirl
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Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Polishgirl » 14 Feb 2017, 18:16

I am currently an even grumpier cow than normal. Obviously, there's the seemingly inescapable nonsense occurring on the world stage, but I've also now had my formal redundancy notice, and stress levels are pretty high. They'll continue to be so for the next few weeks, until we know a bit more about what is happening.

So, - and I think there's been similar threads before- it would be lovely if folks could post the stuff that makes them laugh the most. It might be a joke, or a clip from a film/comedy show/stand-up/photo. Anything. Like a repository of escapist stuff.

The thing that's made me laugh the most today is a clip my sister sent me from the BBC "Spy In The Wild" series. I haven't been watching it, as I have a horror of nature programmes, but this is just brilliant. The looks that the girl orang-utan gives the spy orang-utan are magic.

Your contributions, please and thank you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vssqb-0i2-A
echolalia wrote: I despise Prefab Sprout. It will be decades before “hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque” is surpassed as the most terrible lyric in pop history. That fucking bastard ruined all three things for me forever.

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The Great Defector
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby The Great Defector » 14 Feb 2017, 18:18

Google cats jump fail, always makes me laugh. Stupid cats.
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Minnie the Minx » 14 Feb 2017, 18:22

Really sorry to hear that PG.That's crap.

We've been watching a lot of Big Train recently. Some of it is inspired.

This clip in particular

You come at the Queen, you best not miss.

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Flower » 14 Feb 2017, 18:25

If love could've saved you, you would've lived forever.

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby fueryIre » 14 Feb 2017, 18:58

There you go, Pippa, two moments of utter brilliance from the incomparable WC Fields



Image

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The Great Defector
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby The Great Defector » 14 Feb 2017, 19:03

Drama Queenie wrote:You are a chauvenist of the quaintest kind. About as threatening as Jack Duckworth, you are a harmless relic of that cherished era when things were 'different'. Now get back to drawing a moustache on that page three model

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby sloopjohnc » 14 Feb 2017, 19:10

Could be worse.






You could also just come into work like nothing happened.

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Belle Lettre » 14 Feb 2017, 19:37

Sorry to hear about this Pippa :(
Have a Lilith Thanksgiving

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Hugh » 14 Feb 2017, 23:36

Sorry to hear your news, P.

I went out for a meal at the weekend to one of those seafood restaurants where you get to pick what you want to eat from a tank. I had a look at everything that was swimming around in there and I wasn't at all comfortable with the idea of having any of them killed so thatt I could eat them but I spotted a little green squid with three hairs sticking out of its lip. It looked so pathetic that I thought I would probably be doing it a favour to put it out if it's misery.

When the maitre'd came and asked me what I would like to eat I told him that I would have little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip. "Certainly sir" he said. "I will get Gervaise, our cook, to come out to your table and prepare the little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip personally for you". So, the maitre'd called out Gervaise from the kitchen. Gervaise was a massive bloke, build like a brick shithouse who looked like he wasn't to be messed with. He reached down into the tank and picked out the little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip and laid it on a chopping board. Gervaise produced a massive cleaver and was about to dispatch the little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip when the little green green squid looked up at him with the meekest expression on its face. Gervaise took one look at the little green squid and crumpled. "I can't do it" he sobbed and ran off back to the kitchen.

"I'm terribly sorry sir" said the maitre'd, "Nothing like this has ever happened before. Do not worry though. I will ask Hans our dish washer to come and prepare the little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip for you. Hans used to be in the SAS and nothing bothers him".

So, the maitre'd called Hans the dish washer out from the kitchen. Hans was even more massive than Gervaise. He picked up the cleaver and was about to bring it down on the little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip when the little green squid looked up again with it's pathetically meek expression. "I can't do it" howled Hans the dish washer and legged it back into the kitchen.

"I am terribly sorry, sir. This has never happened before" said the maitre'd. "I asked Gervaise, the cook, to kill the little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip and he was too timid to do it. Then I asked Hans, the dish washer, to kill the little green squid with the three hairs sticking out of its lip and he was too timid to do it. I can only apologise".

"There is no need to apologise" I said, "I have learned a valuable lesson from this experience". "What might that be, sir?" the maitre'd asked.

"Well" I replied, "I've learned that Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervaise with mild green hairy lipped squid".
Last edited by Hugh on 15 Feb 2017, 00:10, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Hugh » 14 Feb 2017, 23:38

IT took me bloody ages to type that out by the way. I hope you're grateful.

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Fonz
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Fonz » 15 Feb 2017, 10:23

For Christmas I sent my elderly mum a mounted photograph of me and my wife.
I got a nice card back, but she commented that a picture of us just holding hands would have been as nice.
Heyyyy!

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Thang-y » 15 Feb 2017, 12:02

Can't think off the top of my head of anything I think is hilarious that you may, so here's cute: rescued kittens :)

https://youtu.be/hsUbkKAuVSU?t=2m5s




editing in an update (awww alert): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SK-taxXnwk
Last edited by Thang-y on 15 Feb 2017, 21:43, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby K » 15 Feb 2017, 12:09

We still laugh in my family at the time my kids wanted to play school. I was the teacher and the lesson was geography.
My question "Where do Eskimos come from?"
My son's answer: "Marks and Spencers"


Took us ages to realise he meant escalators.
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Harvey K-Tel » 15 Feb 2017, 14:55

I don't have time to do this for you, but try to find some pics of Sloop wearing his trademark sleeveless t-shirts. That should give you a chuckle.
If you've got nothing to do, don't do it here.

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Polishgirl
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Polishgirl » 15 Feb 2017, 21:27

Ah, thank you, all - this is helping! I like the mix of clips, jokes and stories. You're making a fretful baggage feel cheerier. :-)
echolalia wrote: I despise Prefab Sprout. It will be decades before “hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque” is surpassed as the most terrible lyric in pop history. That fucking bastard ruined all three things for me forever.

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby sloopjohnc » 15 Feb 2017, 21:28

Harvey K-Tel wrote:I don't have time to do this for you, but try to find some pics of Sloop wearing his trademark sleeveless t-shirts. That should give you a chuckle.


And you, a boner.
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Polishgirl
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Polishgirl » 15 Feb 2017, 21:29

sloopjohnc wrote:
Harvey K-Tel wrote:I don't have time to do this for you, but try to find some pics of Sloop wearing his trademark sleeveless t-shirts. That should give you a chuckle.


And you a boner.



:o GET. A. ROOM.
echolalia wrote: I despise Prefab Sprout. It will be decades before “hot dog, jumping frog, Albuquerque” is surpassed as the most terrible lyric in pop history. That fucking bastard ruined all three things for me forever.

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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Loki » 16 Feb 2017, 02:44

Image
Image

Look up here, I'm in heaven


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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby PENK » 16 Feb 2017, 05:53

Polishgirl wrote: it would be lovely if folks could post the stuff that makes them laugh the most.


Did you watch the Arsenal last night?
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Re: Laughs Needed Please.

Postby Brutal Kangaroo » 16 Feb 2017, 06:26



:lol: :lol: :lol:
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