MORE random stuff about your day

in reality, all of this has been a total load of old bollocks
Six String
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Six String » 23 Jul 2018, 18:51

I'm sorry to hear of your loss Toby. It's so hard to let go of those we love even when we know it's inevitable.

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yomptepi
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby yomptepi » 23 Jul 2018, 23:26

I spent half an hour in deep conversation with a Catholic priest over the nature of whether you can decide for yourself when you can die. I think he was playing me, but actually I felt a lot better for listening to him, and for him making the time to listen to me. Odd where you can find a little comfort , isn't it? I think he is finding shepherding my super catholic mother a bit of challenge...
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The Modernist
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby The Modernist » 23 Jul 2018, 23:30

So sorry Toby.

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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby toomanyhatz » 24 Jul 2018, 01:10

Toby wrote:So within a day of posting that my Dad had passed. Did so painlessly on Sunday morning. Feel relieved more than anything else; he didn't want to be a burden and simply wasn't. I don't think there is a "good" death but this was close to it.


Condolences, Toby. My dad basically did the same. Just quietly checked out. There is certainly something to be said for checking out on your own terms and not lingering too long in difficult circumstances, but that doesn't make it that much easier for those left behind.
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Belle Lettre
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Belle Lettre » 24 Jul 2018, 09:03

Very sorry for your loss, Toby.
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never/ever
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby never/ever » 24 Jul 2018, 10:11

My condolences Toby.... As hard as the loss is to take I'm glad for you that it didn't drag on.... Rest in peace.


yomptepi wrote:I spent half an hour in deep conversation with a Catholic priest over the nature of whether you can decide for yourself when you can die. I think he was playing me, but actually I felt a lot better for listening to him, and for him making the time to listen to me. Odd where you can find a little comfort , isn't it? I think he is finding shepherding my super catholic mother a bit of challenge...


My mother before her passing had a similar discussion with her (female) pastor. She knew that she didn't have long to live and was very concerned about her soul if she were to decide on euthanasia as a means of an end.
Her pastor was terrific... She could not make any promises but she told my mother that God would know when she was ready to go to Him and that it didn't matter if the way taken was either natural or chemical...as long as my mother was sure.
That she passed away quite beautifully on her own strength after saying goodbye to her children and grandchildren was perhaps (in a small way) God's will.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?."

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yomptepi
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby yomptepi » 24 Jul 2018, 10:25

never/ever wrote:My condolences Toby.... As hard as the loss is to take I'm glad for you that it didn't drag on.... Rest in peace.


yomptepi wrote:I spent half an hour in deep conversation with a Catholic priest over the nature of whether you can decide for yourself when you can die. I think he was playing me, but actually I felt a lot better for listening to him, and for him making the time to listen to me. Odd where you can find a little comfort , isn't it? I think he is finding shepherding my super catholic mother a bit of challenge...


My mother before her passing had a similar discussion with her (female) pastor. She knew that she didn't have long to live and was very concerned about her soul if she were to decide on euthanasia as a means of an end.
Her pastor was terrific... She could not make any promises but she told my mother that God would know when she was ready to go to Him and that it didn't matter if the way taken was either natural or chemical...as long as my mother was sure.
That she passed away quite beautifully on her own strength after saying goodbye to her children and grandchildren was perhaps (in a small way) God's will.


That is basically what Father Peter was saying. She will go when it is time, and she has to be patient. Easy for him to say....but I know it is what she needed to hear.
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Neige » 24 Jul 2018, 11:54

I got a call yesterday informing me that my stepmother has died from the consequences of a fall, last week.

I'm not sad.

My dad had married her when they were both in their eighties. She was a distinguished and pretty lady but also spoilt, self-centered, snobbish, and overbearing - just not a nice person, really. We avoided being in a store, a restaurant or another public place with her because her bossy attitude towards the staff made us cringe. If I wanted to talk to my dad in his final years, Lady Neige had to distract her because otherwise her sheer presence and snide comments made any normal conversation impossible. But my dad worshipped her and dedicated his life to satisfying her every wish.

When he died, he left her a very comfortable monthly pension (2300 £) in his will. For the last two years, she lived in an old people's home, in a wheelchair and with dementia, and she still drove everybody mad, so I'm told.

The account my dad had opened for the pension would have been empty within the next year and my siblings and me would have had to support her with our own means. We feared that she would live to be hundred...

It feels wrong to feel this good - but I do. :|
Last edited by Neige on 24 Jul 2018, 12:50, edited 1 time in total.
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never/ever
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby never/ever » 24 Jul 2018, 12:35

So how should we proceed, Felix.... Congratulations seems a bit crass under the circumstances....
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?."

George Carlin

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Neige
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Neige » 24 Jul 2018, 12:51

never/ever wrote:So how should we proceed, Felix.... Congratulations seems a bit crass under the circumstances....


Indeed. :?
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Darkness_Fish » 25 Jul 2018, 08:57

Sorry for your loss, Toby. From your previous post it reminded me of my Grandad's passing, we visited him in a home one day, and he was just so detached and distant, we all felt he'd given up and knew he didn't have long. I guess, if you can go on your own terms, it's not so bad in the end. Chin up, and remember all the good times, that's all any of us can really do.

And Neige, sorry for whatever loss and residual ill will you may be feeling. Y'know.
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Toby » 25 Jul 2018, 09:07

Thanks all. To be honest I'm sort of relieved that it didn't happen during my holiday and I'd have to cut that short. It sounds brutal, but I've been looking forward to this vacation for an age and have been caring for him whilst studying - I really needed a break of some sort.

I wasn't that close to my Dad. He was already old when I was born (45) and was more of a grandfather - I think the relationship with my brother was paternal in many ways and certainly closer to what I have with my son. He was my Dad and there are things in my life I can attribute to him, like my love of history and books, but I don't want the relationship I had with him for me and my son - in fact I want something much closer and more emotional. I'm detached about it all really - now both of them have gone, I can really say that my parents were loving in many ways and brought me up well, but I never had any real close emotional attachment to either of them.

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kath
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby kath » 27 Jul 2018, 23:38

much love and understanding to toby and neige.

i do understand, more than i can explain right now, on both fronts.

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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby yomptepi » 03 Aug 2018, 19:28

I have just heard that my mum passed away this afternoon. Quietly in her sleep. All a bit confused at the moment, but I know she will at last be at peace. Thanks everyone for your support whilst I have been negotiating this difficult time. It has been a great help and comfort.
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Samoan » 03 Aug 2018, 19:35

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, Yomp.
Kindest thoughts to you all.
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Six String » 03 Aug 2018, 19:36

So sorry to hear this Michael. It's never easy, even when it's not a surprise.

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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Wally Bingbang » 03 Aug 2018, 20:51

So sorry, Michael.
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kath
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby kath » 03 Aug 2018, 20:52

my warm condolences, yomp.

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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Count Machuki » 03 Aug 2018, 21:18

Oh, Yomp. So sorry, man.
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Re: MORE random stuff about your day

Postby Belle Lettre » 03 Aug 2018, 22:18

So very sorry, Michael x
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