Football a.k.a soccer a.a.k.a. footer ...

[Sintek]

Don't know about you, but, commentators just ain't what they used to be.

Once they were just like us match-going, turnstile paying, paid their dues fans, observing, spectating, pondering and filtering, feeling and suffering for the love of the passion. Sinstadt, Davies, Motson, Moore, Welsby, Gubba, Rosenthal, Keating, (old) Tyldesley et al

Then came the post-televisual 'never kicked a balls, the forgot me kits, Sir, please don't make me play in vest and pants, the I've studied the tropes and cliches from the screen, no 'real' performative verbals based on lived experience only simple repetition of repetitive utterances.

Case study #1 Guy 'Guy' Mowbray

'Bed wetting, sheet-kicking, games kit forgetting know-nothing no-mark paid for by the licence paying public'

Discuss the disgust.

[The Modernist]

Tydsley's the only one of the commentators who really irritates me - he never shuts up, always going on about England and making some lame joke.

As for the pundits, what a cock Evra is. Even the way he sits is annoying.

[KeithPratt]

I can't name a single BBC commentator anymore - Guy Mowbray and Jonathan Pearce apart.

Jon Champion and Ally McCoist have been quietly entertaining on ITV though.

Martin Tyler has assumed the gravitas of Barry Davies on Sky IMO. He is good, even if he is slightly tainted by it.

The one I detest more than any other is fucking Alan Parry - proper bald little twat

[Darkness_Fish]

Martin Tyler is clearly the class act, and even his deputy on Sky, Alan Smith is beginning to learn how to get over the constraints of his fundamentally boring voice.

The co-commentators in the world cup are the real cancer sucking joy out of the tournament. Mark Lawrenson's despair at being paid to watch a world cup never fails to grate, and Danny Murphy seems to see him as some kind of role model to emulate. If there isn't a really famous premier league player he can repeatedly name-drop, Murphy's commentary has degraded into a series of tuts and sighs.
Martin Keown is clearly as thick as pigshit mixed with cornflower, yet manages to be condescending with it. His comparison of Latics' Sam Morsy to Franz Beckenbauer was a thing of world-class stupidity.

[KeithPratt]

I like Lawrenson - he's so fundamentally negative and belongs to a different era of pundit. As someone in the Telegraph put it, he's like a different breed of bloke - a mix of seaside fruitiness and 13 pints down the pub the night before the game masculinity. The Murphy's and Jenas's of this era are just sweater-wearing nobodies.

[KeithPratt]

I like Lawrenson - he's so fundamentally negative and belongs to a different era of pundit. As someone in the Telegraph put it, he's like a different breed of bloke - a mix of seaside fruitiness and 13 pints down the pub the night before the game masculinity. The Murphy's and Jenas's of this era are just sweater-wearing nobodies.

[The Modernist]

The co-commentators in the world cup are the real cancer sucking joy out of the tournament. Mark Lawrenson's despair at being paid to watch a world cup never fails to grate, and Danny Murphy seems to see him as some kind of role model to emulate. If there isn't a really famous premier league player he can repeatedly name-drop, Murphy's commentary has degraded into a series of tuts and sighs.
.

It seems to be this thing with ex-pros, they want to show they've got these high, exacting standards because of their career and it means they seldom get impressed by anything. It can be a real joy killer. There was a moment in the Argentina-Nigeria game where Nigeria were really amping up the pressure. They'd won a free kick and the player ( can't remember who, maybe Ndidi..?) put in this tremendous shot that just whisked past the post. Jermaine Jenus' response was just to flatly say "..not too bad". I felt like slapping him - "It's an exciting moment in a gripping game and it was a great free-kick you cock!"

[Goat Boy]

I really dislike Tyldesley. His obvious biases, his cliched comments. Wanker.

I used to like Barry Davies.

It's one of these things that is often very poor when you think it should be fairly easy to do well. Similar to in the studio punditry which is generally terrible. How hard is it to find some opinionated people with a bit of charisma to talk about football? Of course the focus on ex players doesn't help either because it highlights how little many ex players actually understand about the game, at least tactically anyway.

And, yes, Evra is a cock.

[trans-chigley express]

While watching the football during the World Cup my wife made an observation that the commentators all sound exactly like the ones in the computer football games. I realised she was right as they read from the same book of cliches as the ones used in the computer commentary.

Now whenever I watch a match I idly try and predict what the next comment will be. For example whenever the losing teams puts on their last substitute you can bet your house the commentator will say “it’s the last throw of the dice....” and that’s just one of many.

[borofan]

Tydsley's the only one of the commentators who really irritates me - he never shuts up, always going on about England and making some lame joke.

As for the pundits, what a cock Evra is. Even the way he sits is annoying.

Unusual for Tyldesley. It's usually Man-nited he can't shut up about, whether they're actually playing in the game he's commentating on or not.

[Diamond Dog]

The level of TV football 'punditry' is appalling - when I compare what the collected heads say in comparison to the level of detail in say American Football or rugby analysis, it's embarrassing.

The commentators are equally useless - they appear to think their job is to be a comedian or social commentator when, in fact, they ought to just give us the names of the players and an ongoing commentary on the game itself. Leave the 'opinion' to the colour commentator sitting besides them....oh

The colour commentators (Hoddle etc) are there to actually give tactical analysis of the game as it unfolds. Sadly they seem to think their job is to be a comedian or social commentator too. So you end up with two airheads doing the same appalling job, with the occasional interjections of such pearls as "Great time to score a goal" (just before or after half time) or "The next goal is really important" (when it's a close match) etc etc.

Really - someone needs to rip up the whole host, panel, commentator and colour analyst rule book and start again. Have proper tactical analysis before the game, what has changed at half time and the washup at the end. By people prepared to say something that isn't the nonsense like "He's fast, pacey and quick" when describing someone like Thierry Henry. Have a commentator who describes the game and a colour analyst who gives actual insight into the game.

Oh, and banish the 'musical fucking montage' forever.

[KeithPratt]

To be honest I much preferred it when it was just a single commentator. I don't mind Hoddle's tactical insight - of all of them, he's probably the only one I take notice of, but he's sadly lifeless in terms of personality.

If they could replicate FIFA and have the names of the players crop up when they have possession and allow you to just have the crowd noise, then I think that would be a great option.

[Sintek]

Deep down they're all hopeful of being selected for Dancing in Wheelchairs or some such shite. It's all description, no critique, analysis, no free-thinking,

Their collective yearning to be seen as a 'personality', an 'expert', 'a talking head' is at odds with what they're supposed to do. Danny 'Wet Paint' Murphy is atrocious.

[The Modernist]

I think it's improved from what it was, largely because of the influence of Neville on Sky. But yeah a lot of it is still very anodyne.

[Diamond Dog]

I think it's improved from what it was, largely because of the influence of Neville on Sky. But yeah a lot of it is still very anodyne.

Gray (before the cult of personality took over) & Gary Neville are the only two 'experts' I have /had any time for whatsoever.

I can honestly say not one of the others has said a single thing that has made me think "Well, I didn't know that". Not one.

[Sintek]

Neville was never critical when Ferguson was still there for all his red socialist credentials anti-stance.

[Diamond Dog]

Always nice to have the confirmation......

[BARON CORNY DOG]

It could be worse, you could have to listen to Alexi Lalas talking complete shit at halftime and between the matches.

We used to get British commentators doing solo play by play here for the world cups. We had Martin Tyler here a few works cups ago. That was a peak. Now it’s almost all Americans, and on the whole, they are terrible. None as bad as Lalas, of course.

[Qube]

Agreed, the US commentary and analysis is cringe-worthy...

[`]

Agreed, the US commentary and analysis is cringe-worthy...

With his endless wittering about "sticking the ball in the ould onion bag", ESPN's appalling professional Oirishman Tommie Smith has to be the worst commentator ever.