Postby bobzilla77 » 03 Jul 2018, 22:47
OK, I have a story about being a miserable bastard, and getting tired of it.
In the summer before senior year of high school, I went to band camp. I had gone the previous year, and spent a lot of my time listening to my walkman on headphones, being this kind of solitary guy. I had some good friends in high school, but they were all a year older than me and had just graduated. I decided, this year's gonna be different. I'm going to be go along to get along, make friends and become popular. I quit smoking and left all my tapes at home, determined I was not going to be sniffy about it. If other people wanted to hear Chicago and Huey Lewis, I'd listen to that and not give them a hard time about it. I'd try to act like they were acting and not be this elitist music snob that looked down on everything people liked. And then maybe girls would like me and guys would want to be my friend.
Well guess what, it didn't work out as planned. It was a week of total failure and hopelessness. My garden variety anxiety about high school crap was dialed up to a new level. And marching band was something I considered myself good at... if this wasn't going well, then the school year proper was gonna be fucked up. I got really depressed on the bus ride home from camp... the outlook for the coming year was not positive. And between the anxiety and the awful camp food, I couldn't crap for days. It was a terrible feeling.
As soon as I walked in my house, I cranked up Zen Arcade and lit a cigarette. Then I found a substantial roach in the corner of the desk drawer. Minutes later I took the greatest dump of my entire life. All that anxiety and helpless feeling just washed away. I would survive senior year.
I would never again try to separate myself from the music that meant something to me, just to please other people.
Jimbo wrote:I guess I am over Graham Nash's politics. Hopelessly naive by the standards I've molded for myself these days.