Noddy Holder - Brummie Foghorn gobshite. One trick pony.
Ian Curtis - Sums up the North in one miserable whining package.
Aretha Franklin - M25 background driving music.
Alan Vega - The endless search for a tune. Not big or clever.
Stevie Nicks - Reprehensible mellifluous shagnasty.
Joe Strummer - I had a glass of cider with him once, couldn’t wait to get away.
Sky Saxon - Drug-addled nonsensical nobhead.
Roger Waters - unworthy of any opinion.
Carole King - Blandly bland
Johnny Thunders - Talentless poppinjay
Fats Domino - Listenable, at least
Randy Newman - Too clever in his own mind, insufferable prick for the rest of us.
Lydia Lunch - I like the idea, the reality is unlistenable tosh
Todd Rundgren - A Wizard, A True Star, A towering Twat.
Diana Ross - Preening schmaltz, Chic made her sound great.
Wilson Pickett - 5th division sub James Brown tribute.
Ray Manzerak - plinky plonky bontempi virtuoso better enjoyed in airport lounges. In Albania.
Kevin Ayers - Twee wanker
Billy Fury - not as edgy as Cliff
Debbie Harry - one mans talentless chancer, another’s hip hop godhead. You decide.
Ginger Baker- One man cuntstorm.
James Murphy - why?
Roky Erickson - execrable arsehat.
Phil Spector - I like his work.
Annie Lennox - the very definition of wailing harpie.
Rod Stewart- hard to dislike but I’ll give it a good go.
Adam Ant- preposterous jackanapes
Bob Mould - I used to love him, it’s all over now.