'What's Up?' and the very worst songs ever

Do talk back
The Modernist

Re: I've found it!

Postby The Modernist » 17 Oct 2012, 06:08

Minnie the Minx wrote:Not quite, John.



I thought this was a great call the last time we did this. This is truly bad because no one even remembers it. It flops on every level and it's from a so-called "respected" artist.

User avatar
Penk!
Midnight to Six Man
Posts: 35784
Joined: 07 Aug 2004, 20:12
Location: Stockholm

Re: I've found it!

Postby Penk! » 17 Oct 2012, 07:46

Of course, last time we did this we established that for all the banal badness of 'What's Going On', the connoisseur's choice for the most truly evil bad song ever is 'Hey Matthew'.

fange wrote:One of the things i really dislike in this life is people raising their voices in German.

Bungo the Mungo

Re: I've found it!

Postby Bungo the Mungo » 17 Oct 2012, 09:18

TheModernist wrote:
Minnie the Minx wrote:Not quite, John.



I thought this was a great call the last time we did this. This is truly bad because no one even remembers it. It flops on every level and it's from a so-called "respected" artist.


There's loads of shite like that from the same decade. It's bad but no worse than half of those other Bowie imitators.

Bungo the Mungo

Re: I've found it!

Postby Bungo the Mungo » 17 Oct 2012, 09:19

penk wrote:Of course, last time we did this we established that for all the banal badness of 'What's Going On', the connoisseur's choice for the most truly evil bad song ever is 'Hey Matthew'.



It just makes you want to go and kick a wall, doesn't it?

well, it does me...

User avatar
Quaco
F R double E
Posts: 47242
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 19:41

Re: I've found it!

Postby Quaco » 17 Oct 2012, 18:24

Ian, Enge, and Beeline CUNT wrote:
penk wrote:Of course, last time we did this we established that for all the banal badness of 'What's Going On', the connoisseur's choice for the most truly evil bad song ever is 'Hey Matthew'.



It just makes you want to go and kick a wall, doesn't it?

well, it does me...

:) Yes me too! Thank you for introducing me to it some years ago. It features strongly in my crap songs pantheon now. (I don't dare listen to it at the moment.)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Piggly Wiggly

Re: I've found it!

Postby Piggly Wiggly » 17 Oct 2012, 18:35

Quaco wrote:
Ian, Enge, and Beeline CUNT wrote:
penk wrote:Of course, last time we did this we established that for all the banal badness of 'What's Going On', the connoisseur's choice for the most truly evil bad song ever is 'Hey Matthew'.



It just makes you want to go and kick a wall, doesn't it?

well, it does me...

:) Yes me too! Thank you for introducing me to it some years ago. It features strongly in my crap songs pantheon now. (I don't dare listen to it at the moment.)


I mean, so compellingly bad, though. I just can't look away. That utterly ridiculous descending hook just screams "This is a riff, right?"

I get happy just thinking about it.

User avatar
Quaco
F R double E
Posts: 47242
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 19:41

Re: I've found it!

Postby Quaco » 17 Oct 2012, 18:36

The video's good too.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Show Biz Kids

Re: I've found it!

Postby Show Biz Kids » 17 Oct 2012, 18:43

Quaco wrote:crap songs pantheon


:mrgreen:

When we had a thread like this some time ago I remember that Chris de Burgh's "Don't Pay The Ferryman" cropped up - it always does. With that in mind, it's still a very worthy contender, capable of hanging around with the big boys who at one time shat out the monstrosities that sit atop the mighty crap songs pantheon.

Putting it another way, if Penk's going for the most "truly evil bad song ever", perhaps Burgh can go for the most "comically bad song ever". In any case, it's awful.

Well, here are 4 minutes and 2 seconds that you won't be able to claim back:

User avatar
GoogaMooga
custodian of oldies
Posts: 26636
Joined: 28 Sep 2010, 05:23
Location: Denmark

Re: I've found it!

Postby GoogaMooga » 17 Oct 2012, 18:48

Chris De Berk is the King of Krap
"When the desert comes, people will be sad; just as Cannery Row was sad when all the pilchards were caught and canned and eaten." - John Steinbeck

Bungo the Mungo

Re: I've found it!

Postby Bungo the Mungo » 17 Oct 2012, 18:50

That song makes me despise DeBurgh. As does most of his 'output'.

The Fialka song - I dunno, I almost feel sorry for him. Unless he made a shitload of money off it. But even then, I wouldn't hate him as much as DeBurgh.

User avatar
The Fish
Beer Battered
Posts: 12510
Joined: 24 Oct 2003, 20:04
Location: Hove Actually

Re: I've found it!

Postby The Fish » 17 Oct 2012, 19:13

Another half-assed anti-drug song. Really Phil Collins saying just say no to cake is really no more ridiculous than this. What was he thinking. And for the record I'll stand by every other track on this album as great, but this is laughably bad

We're way past rhubarb

User avatar
Moleskin
Posts: 14598
Joined: 18 Feb 2004, 12:38
Location: We began to notice that we could be free, And we moved together to the West.

Re: I've found it!

Postby Moleskin » 17 Oct 2012, 19:17

GoogaMooga wrote:Chris De Berk is the King of Krap


I thought you'd like him.
@hewsim
-the artist formerly known as comrade moleskin-
-the unforgettable waldo jeffers-

Jug Band Music
my own music

User avatar
Quaco
F R double E
Posts: 47242
Joined: 16 Jul 2003, 19:41

Re: I've found it!

Postby Quaco » 17 Oct 2012, 19:20

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

User avatar
GoogaMooga
custodian of oldies
Posts: 26636
Joined: 28 Sep 2010, 05:23
Location: Denmark

Re: I've found it!

Postby GoogaMooga » 17 Oct 2012, 19:22

comrade moleskin wrote:
GoogaMooga wrote:Chris De Berk is the King of Krap


I thought you'd like him.


Why, because I like pop? :?
"When the desert comes, people will be sad; just as Cannery Row was sad when all the pilchards were caught and canned and eaten." - John Steinbeck

User avatar
Deebank
Resonator
Posts: 24040
Joined: 10 Oct 2003, 13:47
Location: Insanity filled foxhole

Re: I've found it!

Postby Deebank » 17 Oct 2012, 19:44

Quaco wrote:Yes, once the "oh this is a surefire hit" chorus gets repeated over and over. With that big wide mouth!


And it's a cheap re-mould of Don't Worry, Be Happy (is it G, Am, C, D - something piss easy like that?) and went on to star in the thoroughly shite I Think I Wan't To Marry You.
Not that there's anything wrong with using a cliched chord sequence, it's just this one that's odious.

That said the mawkish poor meisms of What's Going On take the soggy biscuit.
I've been talking about writing a book - 25 years of TEFL - for a few years now. I've got it in me.

Paid anghofio fod dy galon yn y chwyldro

Bungo the Mungo

Re: I've found it!

Postby Bungo the Mungo » 17 Oct 2012, 21:27

GoogaMooga wrote:
comrade moleskin wrote:
GoogaMooga wrote:Chris De Berk is the King of Krap


I thought you'd like him.


Why, because I like pop? :?


Because you have the worst taste of anyone on the board.

The Modernist

Re: I've found it!

Postby The Modernist » 17 Oct 2012, 21:59

Ian, Enge, and Beeline CUNT wrote:
TheModernist wrote:
Minnie the Minx wrote:Not quite, John.



I thought this was a great call the last time we did this. This is truly bad because no one even remembers it. It flops on every level and it's from a so-called "respected" artist.


There's loads of shite like that from the same decade. It's bad but no worse than half of those other Bowie imitators.


But it's not so much the sound (which is less Bowie than a cack-handed attempt at jazz-funk) but the sheer tunelessness of it. I've heard few songs wander so unmemorably.

User avatar
Ranking Ted
Posts: 12751
Joined: 03 Feb 2004, 22:13
Location: Northern Britain

Re: I've found it!

Postby Ranking Ted » 17 Oct 2012, 23:24

TheModernist wrote:
Ian, Enge, and Beeline CUNT wrote:
TheModernist wrote:
I thought this was a great call the last time we did this. This is truly bad because no one even remembers it. It flops on every level and it's from a so-called "respected" artist.


There's loads of shite like that from the same decade. It's bad but no worse than half of those other Bowie imitators.


But it's not so much the sound (which is less Bowie than a cack-handed attempt at jazz-funk) but the sheer tunelessness of it. I've heard few songs wander so unmemorably.

Ha! That's fantastic.....ally bad. It has absolutely NO TUNE and sounds hideous. It's actually made me smile. How the fuck did that get approved for release? :D

The Modernist

Re: I've found it!

Postby The Modernist » 17 Oct 2012, 23:39

The nearest thing it's got to a hook is when the backing vocalist starts yowling, like a dog about to be put down, at 1.17!
You can actually feel how perplexed the audience are, like "how the fuck are we meant to dance to this".

User avatar
doctorlouie
AKA Number 16 Bus Shelter
Posts: 23160
Joined: 03 Oct 2004, 18:24
Location: In a library, probly.
Contact:

Re: I've found it!

Postby doctorlouie » 17 Oct 2012, 23:50

the masked man wrote:It's not worse than Four Non Blondes:



Truly, the most painful song in the history of music.


You know what's horrible about that record?:

The mouth, obviously.
The line about revolution, which is just a lie.
The stupid stupid shaped guitar which I will happily BET MY LIFE is not the one used in recording.
I could do the drumming, and I'm not a great drummer.
She - the mouth - patently recorded it as a calling card for a solo career / career as songwriter. This was never a band. The drummer - who isn't great - almost looks out of the video, catches our eye in a way that says 'this is the last time you'll ever see me'.
It marks the arrival of the fucking STYLIST. The fucking, fucking, goggles.